The Beckman’s - Ami Serial

↑ it’s okay! ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 12:25 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

OMG. This is what I said earlier on but nobody agreed with me. You said it better than me. But I think had Esti not stuck her nose where it didn't belong so early, Eli would've "heard" her when she spoke up eventually.

I’m not so sure. In the very first chapter it was already obvious that their marriage isn’t very good. Esti was preparing to go to the bar mitzvah and Eli got annoyed when she asked him when he thinks he’ll get there. And then he arrives very late and everyone is annoyed at him for being such a workaholic.

amother

↑ Banana ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:36 pm

Please show me where in the serial it saids that esti got her house mortgage free. That is an assumption. You see esti saids she wasn’t able to do extras or buy nice furniture. It doesn’t even sound like esti has cleaning help. Her husband is killing himself for the business I don’t think esti is spoiled at all most wives would demand full time help.

amother

↑ Whitewash ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 4:24 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

I’m enjoying this story but I cringe every week at how awful the entire situation was handled from the beginning.
Esti is the only one with reason in this story, but she’s not innocent either. I lost my father in law and because I experienced this, I think she handled things wrong in the beginning. She shouldn’t have meddled so early on and questioned the finances and jumped down her husbands throat about the business. He had just lost his father suddenly and was given full reins to a family business overnight, where the support of his mother and sisters was dependent on (yes, Dina’s dependance was/is absolutely ridiculous, I am not denying that). I practically can’t blame him for his jumpy, stressed, and irrational behavior.
While esti wasn’t wrong to have picked up on how crazy things were, the early meddling is why her husband got annoyed so early on and why he is frustrated with her, and it’s a “boy who cried wolf” situation, where her husband isn’t taking her seriously anymore because he thinks she’s just pounding on him, and obsessed with his sister and her lifestyle.
I think if something like this happened in real life, had “esti” (irl) stood back and not spoken to a toen, her sibling, driven around her sister in laws development, asked questions, and not been so obsessed with her sister in law overall, (or had a blowout during shloshim!!)!her husband , and probably the Mimi and mother in law in the situation, would have taken the facts of Dina’s house and lifestyle more seriously if she had brought all of this to their attention a minimum of a month after the death, and not immediately after, when their pain was all so raw. No one was thinking clearly then, especially about the finances.
Also, it seems like esti got plenty from her father in law; a house without a mortgage, and the luxury not to work for years. It’s not like she was completely left to the dust while one sibling too everything. She doesn’t seem to acknowledge the financial ease she enjoyed, or that she lived a compatible life to her mother in law and Mimi, but is rather spending her time obsessing over dina, and what she’s getting vs what she got etc.
I also don’t think eli was crazy to
Inquire about the pay at her new job.
The rest of his behavior is awful and downright reckless, even though he’s doing it from a place of trying to help his family. I can’t believe the nasty reaction he gave to esti about her father.

You do bring up good points, but I'm not sure how much of this is relevant.

The facts: Her husband took over the business and is basically running it. His father signed it over to him, so it's legally, halachically, morally, and ethically his.

The fact that his father bought him a house - or not - is not really relevant to the conversation here. Since the father is no longer alive, and the money/business in now Eli's - it's his. He owes his sister nothing, and he certainly does not have to fund an extremely high end house many notches higher than his own, for his sister.

As for Esty bringing up this point too early - theoretically, she should not have done this, but, as someone who has gone through a similar scenario recently, people do things they shouldn't do all the time (which is why we have stories!). In my case it was my brother who was busy with banks/financial statements during shiva....

The fact that Esty had the "luxury" not to work for years is not relevant. Her husband was working, and he was obviously bringing in enough money for her not to work. I don't know what relevance this has to the story... I know plenty of couples who are in this scenario, but even if she were the only wife in the world not working, it's still not relevant.

Some other points- he was not given full reins of the business overnight, as he had been running it for some time. He also legally owned it. I don't see why he owes his sister anything (I'll acknowledge that he does need to take care of him mother, but that doesn't seem to be an issue here at all).

I don't see her "pounding on him", but bringing up reasonable, obvious questions which he refuses to answer. Actually, he does answer -that the business is NOT doing well, he's pretty clear about that....

It's also beyond ridiculous that the family is making fun of him for being a workaholic on the one hand while demanding he fork over the dough at the same time... I sincerely hope this family is a carricature because it saddens me to think that frum people could act so, so dysfunctional.

amother

↑ Hawthorn ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:47 am

Could be subtitled: willful ignorance and misplaced loyalties

Keep the peace at any price even when it’s taking you all down the river Denial

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 9:08 am

creditcards wrote:

In order to make those kind of comparisons we need to know what kind of house you bought compared to the house that she got.

My house is a “simple” house, similar to the description of estis in the story. But because it wasn’t given to me as a gift, I had to work full time to save for years for my down payment, and now need to work full time to pay the mortgage each month. My point was that esti never seems to acknowledge that she too benefited immensely for her in laws generosity in her early years when her husband was in kollel, and now, even though he works extremely hard , he still saves money each month by not having to pay his mortgage, while esti didn’t have to work. If she wasn’t so obsessed with dina (who is 10000% wrong , and an awful spoiled brat, I am not disputing that), she would probably appreciate her blessings more.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 9:13 am

amother Banana wrote:

It was definitely mentioned over the course of the story that her in laws bought her the house. She said it herself in a recent chapter when comparing her own fathers situation, to that of her in laws , and how her father in law gifted them their house, and she doesn’t want to fall down the hole her own family fell in.
I don’t believe the story ever mentioned if esti does or doesn’t have cleaning help. It definitely gives off the impression that she has an easy life in the sense that she’s able to go back to sleep after the kids go to school, take a day to herself , go to lunch often etc. But even if she doesn’t have cleaning help, that wasn’t my point. I’m just saying that she is we living very nicely due to her father in laws generosity, regardless of the fact that eli works hard now.

amother

↑ Pink ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 9:21 am

There is no point in figuring out how easy Esti has it. The point is that Esti knows her limits while Dina has no boundaries.

Those of us dealing with such family members understand how frustrating such people can be.

↑ creditcards ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 9:40 am

amother Acacia wrote:

I don't think she doesn't appreciate her blessing. It's unrelated to the fact that she is resentful that she needs to provide for her sister in laws lavish lifestyle. This conversation should have been with her and Eli only at first, and then after they came to an agreement discuss it with her in laws. She wants her husband to be home more and instead of being home he is working is head off do buy a lavish house for his sister. At the same time that she is not living a lavish lifestyle. Why should her husband support his sister at the expense of his own wife. Why do the in laws even have a say in the matter. Eli is at fault here because he keeps pretending there is a business he received from his father that he is keeping for himself. If it would be actually the way they think that there is millions that he is keeping for himself then I would totally understand Dina. Her father had millions to give her until now, he died all of a sudden and there is nothing left for her. It makes zero sense. She probably thinks Esty wants everything for herself. That also explains why the whole family is acting that way.

↑ creditcards ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 9:42 am

amother Acacia wrote:

Is there a rule that if you had one good thing you can never be upset about anything unfair in this life any more?

amother

↑ Hawthorn ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 10:09 am

yes while I am sorry for your travails acacia
one thing has nothing to do with the other

↑ creditcards

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 4:52 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

I disagree with this as well. Esti should have been part of every single meeting to begin with and not even need to meddle. If it would be me I would insist on knowing every detail that went on and be part of the process from the beginning. I wouldn't let me husband meet with his in-laws before meeting with me first and explaining everything that's going on, and him listening to what I think. I wouldn't agree to him having meetings with everyone while me not being part of them.

amother

Orange ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 5:14 pm

creditcards wrote:

I agree.

From the beginning he’s been busy with “his family.” He seems to have forgotten that Esti is part of his family, too.

amother

Snow ↓

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 5:20 pm

This isn’t about Esty appreciating what she got from her in-laws. It’s that Eli isn’t acting like a husband should. If Eli would be a supportive husband she wouldn’t have any issues with the way Dina is

amother

↑ Ginger ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:20 pm

Can anyone recap what happened this week?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:23 pm

it’s okay! wrote:

Stuck her nose?
Is she his great niece or something?
Are you not involved in your finances?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:31 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

I disagree, his mother spent her whole life as his fathers partner.
He can run the business but it belongs to her as well, if the father would write a halachic will then it would say that half hour before his death he’s giving everything he owns over to his wife.
The problem is that there was no halachic Will.

Secondly, same goes for Esti. Whatever Eli owns or doesn’t own in the business is hers as well, she’s his life partner. Do they share the kids? Do they share dinner? Do they share a bedroom? Well, then they share the dollars and cents too. It says in the tenaim yishletu benechasehem shavve bshavve, which means that they will govern over THEIR assets equally.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:38 pm

creditcards wrote:

This.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:44 pm

amother Snow wrote:

If Eli would have normal conversations with her like a normal husband and wife then Esty wouldn’t need to sneak behind his back to find out everything in roundabout ways, it’s disgusting the way she has to sneak around her husband in between all the dinners she quietly serves him on a million egg shells before going to bed quietly alone and lonely every night. All she has is a roof over her head and a working credit card, for now.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 4:45 pm

amother Snow wrote:

Exactly, they should have been in it together.

confused 2

Wed, Jun 28 2023, 5:49 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

Can anyone recap what happened this week?

It was a little drawn out but at the last sentence Eli explained why Dina needs the house so crucially because her marriage is falling apart. of course! I didn't think otherwise, how can she live with a husband? but my question is why Eli cares more for her sister's marriage than his own.