The Beckman’s - Ami Serial

amother

Acacia ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 9:55 am

I’m enjoying this story but I cringe every week at how awful the entire situation was handled from the beginning.
Esti is the only one with reason in this story, but she’s not innocent either. I lost my father in law and because I experienced this, I think she handled things wrong in the beginning. She shouldn’t have meddled so early on and questioned the finances and jumped down her husbands throat about the business. He had just lost his father suddenly and was given full reins to a family business overnight, where the support of his mother and sisters was dependent on (yes, Dina’s dependance was/is absolutely ridiculous, I am not denying that). I practically can’t blame him for his jumpy, stressed, and irrational behavior.
While esti wasn’t wrong to have picked up on how crazy things were, the early meddling is why her husband got annoyed so early on and why he is frustrated with her, and it’s a “boy who cried wolf” situation, where her husband isn’t taking her seriously anymore because he thinks she’s just pounding on him, and obsessed with his sister and her lifestyle.
I think if something like this happened in real life, had “esti” (irl) stood back and not spoken to a toen, her sibling, driven around her sister in laws development, asked questions, and not been so obsessed with her sister in law overall, (or had a blowout during shloshim!!)!her husband , and probably the Mimi and mother in law in the situation, would have taken the facts of Dina’s house and lifestyle more seriously if she had brought all of this to their attention a minimum of a month after the death, and not immediately after, when their pain was all so raw. No one was thinking clearly then, especially about the finances.
Also, it seems like esti got plenty from her father in law; a house without a mortgage, and the luxury not to work for years. It’s not like she was completely left to the dust while one sibling too everything. She doesn’t seem to acknowledge the financial ease she enjoyed, or that she lived a compatible life to her mother in law and Mimi, but is rather spending her time obsessing over dina, and what she’s getting vs what she got etc.
I also don’t think eli was crazy to
Inquire about the pay at her new job.
The rest of his behavior is awful and downright reckless, even though he’s doing it from a place of trying to help his family. I can’t believe the nasty reaction he gave to esti about her father.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 10:30 am

It was said in past chapters that they started off in kollel, and got a house early on. Estis parents didn’t have money so the kollel support as well as a mortgage free house were obviously a very generous gift from her father in law, before eli was working the crazy hours.
Also, eli being welcomed into the family business before it was known if he would be such a workaholic, and paid a salary high enough that esti didn’t need to work, is what I was referring to, not the current situation, which is very unfair. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve his free house or high salary, but in real life a lot of men/woman work very late and are in the office at all hours, and it’s still unusual to own a house free and clear and for a spouse to not have to work. It’s a gift that should be noted by esti, and even though she got a job in recent chapters, and he is working long hours, she is still living a nice lifestyle. (She took the job without asking about salary! That goes to show that her life is comfortable enough that the salary/financial need wasn’t really her main point of taking this job).
She shouldn’t ignore these gifts she was enjoying all these years, especially growing up without money and having a sister with whom she’s close to who has to hustle hard. She should know and take into account how blessed she was for so long, even if her husband is putting in crazy hours at the office and she’s working now.
And I’m not denying that dina is a disgusting brat, and the villain in the story. Eli is acting awful too.

↑ creditcards ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 11:05 am

amother Acacia wrote:

What exactly was Esty given? Her husband was managing the business for the last 10 years before his father died, his father was semi retired. Her husband was out of the house from morning to night, she took care of the house and kids completely on her own without a drop of help from her husband. Of course she deserved not to work. He was working so Dinas husband can sit and learn all those years before his father died. He built up the business for his father. Esty was ok from the beginning. It wasn't fair the way she was left or of everything.

amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 11:45 am

creditcards wrote:

So I live real life, where my husband works many more hours than Eli’s fictional job, because he travels for his job and is not home all week, and on weekends when he’s home he’s working! AND I work full time! We bought our house ourselves, with no help, after saving for the first 8 years of marriage for our down payment, and pay a mortgage each month. Almost my entire monthly salary for my full time job goes to our mortgage payment. The reason I’m sharing all of this is to
Make the point that not only was esti lucky enough to not have to work, but none of her husbands paycheck needed to go to their monthly house payments. It’s a huge gift that no one “deserves”, but is something to be appreciated and should be noted by esti at some point in the story. I believe my life is much more realistic than estis, since most young families of today need a double income to live a comfortable life, and if they don’t, as was in Eli and estis case, they are getting paid very nicely. In fact, if you take dina out of the equation, overall it shouldn’t be surprising or unfair that eli needed to put in long hours to get a nice enough paycheck for esti not to have to work.
I know this story is fiction but I cannot help but make the comparisons.
I know many men, who work for their father or father in law, who weren’t given homes free and clear without a mortgage, and most of the wives I know in these situations are making some sort of income to supplement, especially in their younger years when their husbands are getting their feet wet in the workplace, specifically the men who came straight out of kollel with no college education or work experience (which is made clear is Eli’s case , they too started out in kollel just like dina).
Therefore, it makes sense that I just can’t relate to “deserving” not to work, and what it means to get a free house with no mortgage at a young age, from my in laws.
I’m surprised in this fictional story that esti doesn’t realize this. She shouldn’t be spoiled, given the background that she comes from. But I guess anyone can get used to money when their in laws give them a free house.
None of this is to say that I don’t agree with the sentiments that dina is being disgusting, and that eli is acting horribly towards esti over the course of this story sofar.
And as someone who lost their father in law suddenly, I can say for sure that I would have had the tact and the sechel to keep my mouth shut and do nothing but support, and stay out of the personal family stuff , until the shloshim. During the first 30 days the pain is still too raw and it’s within reason for the immediate family to not be thinking rationally about money or anything else. I stand by my initial comment that if this story happened in real life, and esti bad waited before sharing her opinions about dina until after the shloshim, she would have been much more successful in getting the immediate family to realize how crazy the situation was with dina. Her making a whole stink of all the details and nitty grittys of her spending habits so soon after the death, is where she lost everyone.
Again, this doesn’t excuse eli or Dina’s behavior , but esti wasn’t right in how soon she jumped in with the complaints. I know this is not a true story, but as I read it I can’t help but form these opinions !!

↑ creditcards ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:14 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

In order to make those kind of comparisons we need to know what kind of house you bought compared to the house that she got.

↑ tigerwife

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:20 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

This is hinted all along, whenever Esti talks to her sister. The sister who works full time and always seems to be able to watch Esti’s kids or send dinner and just be a supportive sister. Esti is completely clueless about how spoiled she is- she can only focus on Dina who is admittedly way more spoiled than her.

amother

↑ Lilac ↓

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:01 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

OMG. This is what I said earlier on but nobody agreed with me. You said it better than me. But I think had Esti not stuck her nose where it didn't belong so early, Eli would've "heard" her when she spoke up eventually.