Because of some men, I can’t live my life

↑ NechaMom ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:12 am

amother Aqua wrote:

This to me is the same thing as not printing women's faces in magazines. Which I don't agree with either.

This is not halacha, it's not about creepy men. I don't think it's creepy for a man to watch me talking. If I gave a lecture I don't mind if he sits in the audience. I'm always mindful to share things in a way that I know I'm okay if a guy who davens with my husband and will recognize me in the street, watches.

It's your own level of tznius. Don't put this on the men.

This.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:14 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

So now, a woman, dressed perfectly tznius and just talking, is a challenge for men? Can't Believe It

Op isn't dancing, dressing provocatively, speaking seductively or anything else that might seem wrong. What is the sin of watching a woman speak?!

This was partly my question to him. I am going to show up tznius and not doing anything provocative, so what’s the issue?!?!

He claims that men staring at a woman on their phone, watching them speak from the heart can make them dream of me at night.

And honestly, I believe him. I’m young and IMO pretty, so I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with any man watching my videos.

My problem is, why can’t I post videos if I say men can’t watch. Then it’s their problem…
And that’s why he says it’s not that simple. It’s like I’m a michshol and making it even harder…
And I argued that if I’m not there they’ll find someone else to watch. So clearly they’re doing something they shouldn’t, even when I’m not the cause…

Also, he said that when a man sins because of a woman he saw, spiritually they are connected and in the next world they will be seen as the women’s boyfriends…

If you don’t understand and want a better explanation, then maybe ask someone you trust.

This is what I was told, and I believe it. But I’m still upset that it’s the reality.

amother

Poinsettia ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:18 am

juggling wrote:

I once read an article, probably in Family First, about a woman who was running a successful dance school in Israel. She was given some guidelines by daas Torah, that basically would undermine the whole vibe of the dance school (which was not violating halacha at all). I remember reading in shock, that she felt she needed to follow her rav, as hard as it was. I don't remember how the story ended, other than that she was happy with the ending. I wonder if anyone could find a link to that article, maybe it would give you chizuk.

I hated that story so much. Why do women always need to sacrifice the things they love because men said so?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:18 am

Ima_Shelli wrote:

I wouldn’t have asked a Rav about this.

Once you ask, if this is your hashkafah (to ask this sort of question to a Rav) you’re kind of in the boat where you need to listen. At least that’s how I see it.

I don’t ask on things I don’t think are a question. If a creepy man wants to watch my video that is fully on him IMHO. It would never occur to me to ask otherwise. But kol hakavod if you’re the sort of person who wants to hand over that decision making to someone else. I fully admit that I am not.

I didn’t either think it was a question until DH expressed his discomfort with it. He’s a guy and knows how guys work. And he told me straight up that men will get pleasure from watching me.

I disagreed and we argued quite a bit because of it, but I wanted to show that I respect his feelings and so I agreed to ask his rebbe for a hashkafik perspective. Once I gave over my side, his rebbe said it’s an actual halachik shaila and he isn’t a posek, so he offered to ask someone he trusts. And that person also couldn’t pasken because the matter is too delicate.

amother

↑ Aqua

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:19 am

amother OP wrote:

All I can say is... this is not my Judaism.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:19 am

NechaMom wrote:

I don’t think it’s creepy for a man in the business world to watch a business ad of a woman.
If you’d be modeling clothing it would be creepy for men to watch.
That said, it’s a level of tznius not to put yourself out there at all and you/your husband chose that by asking a rav.
So I stand by what I said. This has nothing with creepy men and all about a level that you chose willingly.

My videos wouldn’t be business ads.

amother

↑ Obsidian

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:21 am

amother OP wrote:

In my opinion it's too delicate because no one wants his name attached to giving you a psak that you can utilize Instagram in this manner... not because there's an actual halachik issue.

This is my opinion obviously, but it's based on many other things I hear about why Rabbunim are reluctant to give their ok on certain things.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:25 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

You can eliminate the word creepy.
Because men exist in this world and some people have very perverted opinions of them you were told not to post yourself...
This is about the advice you were given not the fact that men exist.

(For the record I'm chassidish, I just despise this s*xualizing of everything about women and making men out to be creepy monsters all the time.)

I hear what you’re saying. From my understanding, mainly because of what DH tells me, many men really are perverted. And I don’t mean it in a negative way. I mean it in the way that Hashem made men. Women can easily become s-xual to them. It’s the way they were created.

Again, this is my understanding. I’m not a man and can’t understand how or why it is so. But based on the way DH is and what he tells me, I feel that men get easily turned on by seeing women be passionate and expressive. It’s nasty to me, but what can I do. Maybe it’s just DH and so he’s extra sensitive when it comes to me being out there…

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:29 am

Phoebe31 wrote:

AGREED!! This is so twisted and weird

I really asked if there can please be no bashing.
I’m disappointed that there is. I don’t need to become more resentful than I already am. There’s no need for that, and you shouldn’t play a part in doing that.

If you don’t get it at all, then I don’t see why you need to comment. This is sensitive for me.

amother

Maroon

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:31 am

I'm getting so turned off here.

OP is amazing and called a Rav and is following what he said but just wants some Chizzuk since it's not easy to do the right thing.

She didn't come here to ask anyone here to decide if she should or shouldn't call a Rav or listen to him.

Stop giving advice and just give what OP asked for. If you want to argue if it's right or wrong start a new thread.

Now OP will doubt her decision to go to the Rav or follow what he says. You don't want that

↑ ShishKabob

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:32 am

amother OP wrote:

If this is so, then it doesn’t make them creepy, it makes them simply men.

↑ Phoebe31

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:33 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel bad that you're so upset about this. The reason I felt the need to comment is that I feel like this is yiddishkeit being twisted... also, not only is this making women s@xualized, reducing men to s@x crazed individuals is extremely demeaning to them.

amother

↑ Bone ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:39 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

This, 100%.

But once you've been given the psak I think it's an issue to disregard.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:40 am

amother Maroon wrote:

Thank you 🙏🏼