16 year old and shabbos table

juggling

Mon, May 29 2023, 1:37 am

If he doesn't eat before davening, he comes home and wants to eat breakfast, rather than lunch. Makes sense.

Do you have a "shabbos cereal" concept for the younger kids? We did, and when the kids got old enough that they weren't eating breakfast on shabbos morning they still wanted that treat, after davening.

amother

↑ Cherry

Mon, May 29 2023, 1:44 am

He can sit with you with the Chummos, salad, eggplant salad, Fish. Prepare him pasta and Parve Meatballs, Shnitzel. only enough for 1 portion. Get him cheese Danishes.

↑ camp123

Mon, May 29 2023, 2:41 am

Now I know why we have all these posts about immature husbands who think the world revolves around them,,and find it hard to do things that are uncomfortable or things that put someone else first. Mothers making food just for them, is not helping matters.

It's a family shabbos meal, he should join, just out of respect for you. Maybe he learns well bc he enjoys it and gets something from it. But, unless we educate our kids to put their own needs aside for the family how will they grow up to be a mentch. You can comprimise with him. Make kiddish when we comes home, have cereal and a coffee, then shabbos meal with the family. And don't make the meal too long, but he should be there bc it's the right thing to do. (obviously for a kid that really can't sit or is close to going off the derech you would do something different, but a "top" boy needs to learn to perfect his middos.)

amother

Peru

Mon, May 29 2023, 4:21 am

amother OP wrote:

lol - no he is not a vegetarian, non carnivore or anxious at all. Yes he likes meat He simply likes his cereal and milk, then his yogurt, then a coffee. He like's cheese and stuff like that. He is a lot like me - I don't like getting fleishigs and resist eating cholent for fear of not having a coffee etc.

Friday night he sits at the table more. Shabbos morning he is hungry after shul but wants "his" foods. I see it as notinnjmommy - it's his "rebellion" - he likes to chill after a long davening (friday night he learns as well).

If we call him to the table he comes. Curious if anyone can relate?

Yes

I have a „top boy“ and yes I don’t want to rock the boat for stupid reasons for someone who is doing an otherwise amazing job.

I would ask him how would he like the meal if it was up to him. What would he change in our fancy meals. Without the promise of actual change. Just to find out his opinion.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, May 29 2023, 5:32 am

If you had a big milchigs meal when you come home from shul, would he stay at the table?

You don't have to give up on eating meat, just have it for shalos seudos, flipping around the usual order.

I guess the question is whether he objects to the food or to sitting at the table with you.

I do think a 16 year old should be able to sit through a meal, but if that is his only manners/middos challenge, you may want to let it slide. If you have younger children, though, they will come to see this behavior as acceptable and you won't have a shabbos meal at all.