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LovesHashem
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 Sun, May 14 2023, 1:55 pm
| birdie1 wrote: | | My questions is, if the father isn't such a bad guy after all, why did it everything have to spiral out of control for him to realize how bad the situation is? |
He's living with an abuser. It's not different than people on here who post about there abusive husband's. They are confused and in it for so long they don't realize how bad it is.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 1:57 pm
| birdie1 wrote: | | My questions is, if the father isn't such a bad guy after all, why did it everything have to spiral out of control for him to realize how bad the situation is? |
yes this is another part that didn't make so much sense to me
also didn't make so much sense to me how everyone bought in like aryeh that the dad was "so abusive" all the time etc...
just doesn't ring true to me
nor does his (or anyone else's )sudden epiphanies and emotional insights and authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable...
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rmbg
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:01 pm
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I think it’s strange how there hasn’t been any mention of the baby in so long.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:02 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | | You think? I figured that out after like chapter ten. |
Are we in middle school?????
Seriously!! If you can't speak with respect on this forum then don't speak at all
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LovesHashem
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:08 pm
| amother Nemesia wrote: | Are we in middle school?????
Seriously!! If you can't speak with respect on this forum then don't speak at all |
I didn't mean to come across that snarky. It's just everyone I discuss it with irl saw this a mile away. I'm surprised others didn't.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:18 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | yes this is another part that didn't make so much sense to me
also didn't make so much sense to me how everyone bought in like aryeh that the dad was "so abusive" all the time etc...
just doesn't ring true to me
nor does his (or anyone else's )sudden epiphanies and emotional insights and authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable... |
Because of reactive abuse…it’s when people who are abused finally snap from all of it and react back. Then the abuser latches onto that reaction and uses it as “proof” to everyone that they’re a “victim” and other is the “abuser,” and will keep on abusing and purposely provoking the other in order to gaslight them into thinking they’re the problem while misleading everyone so they get all the sympathy and don’t look like the “bad guy.”
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:26 pm
| amother Antiquewhite wrote: | | Because of reactive abuse…it’s when people who are abused finally snap from all of it and react back. Then the abuser latches onto that reaction and uses it as “proof” to everyone that they’re a “victim” and other is the “abuser,” and will keep on abusing and purposely provoking the other in order to gaslight them into thinking they’re the problem while misleading everyone so they get all the sympathy and don’t look like the “bad guy.” |
Ouch 😔
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 2:31 pm
Seems Aryehs father had negative feelings against Aryeh specifically for being his mothers hero,
but what occurred at the start of the marriage? The father claimed he tried to have a relationship but Bella wasn't available, what does that mean?
And the father was always the 1 instigating at the start ot the story
Yelling at his wife for minor things like burnt challos
I'm still very confused
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birdie1
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Sun, May 14 2023, 3:34 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | Seems Aryehs father had negative feelings against Aryeh specifically for being his mothers hero,
but what occurred at the start of the marriage? The father claimed he tried to have a relationship but Bella wasn't available, what does that mean?
And the father was always the 1 instigating at the start ot the story
Yelling at his wife for minor things like burnt challos
I'm still very confused |
Right. From the beginning it seems that he was the one yelling at his wife and kids. She hid in the basement from him, cowering in fear when he came home. I agree that she's got a personality disorder. But something doesn't add up.
I think they're both very much in the wrong. But he's healthier and stronger and wants to make a change in their lives.
Also, what was the agreement that they had? It wasn't clear.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 4:52 pm
| brightness wrote: | | In a nut shell. Bella can't believe all that transpired. Her husband kept saying he had enough of all of this. Bella took it to mean he wants a divorce. He was saying he felt after all these years of a horrible marriage he had it and would like to go to therapy. He said how Aryeh is in therapy and how it's helping him. Bella is worried about the word getting out about her mother. Her husband said she would be welcome into their life. From my take her husband really was trying to make a change and make their life better Bella was just acting very weird and very anxious. |
Thanks.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 4:56 pm
| amother Antiquewhite wrote: | | Because of reactive abuse…it’s when people who are abused finally snap from all of it and react back. Then the abuser latches onto that reaction and uses it as “proof” to everyone that they’re a “victim” and other is the “abuser,” and will keep on abusing and purposely provoking the other in order to gaslight them into thinking they’re the problem while misleading everyone so they get all the sympathy and don’t look like the “bad guy.” |
Hmm I have a lot of training in abuse dynamics and this hasn’t been the case in my experience.
Just doesn’t resonate.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 4:57 pm
| birdie1 wrote: | Right. From the beginning it seems that he was the one yelling at his wife and kids. She hid in the basement from him, cowering in fear when he came home. I agree that she's got a personality disorder. But something doesn't add up.
I think they're both very much in the wrong. But he's healthier and stronger and wants to make a change in their lives.
Also, what was the agreement that they had? It wasn't clear. |
Agree
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 4:57 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | | Hmm I have a lot of training in abuse dynamics and this hasn’t been the case in my experience |
Does the story make sense to you?
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 4:57 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | Seems Aryehs father had negative feelings against Aryeh specifically for being his mothers hero,
but what occurred at the start of the marriage? The father claimed he tried to have a relationship but Bella wasn't available, what does that mean?
And the father was always the 1 instigating at the start ot the story
Yelling at his wife for minor things like burnt challos
I'm still very confused |
Same
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 5:04 pm
Not all of it no while some of it does
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 5:32 pm
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This story has devolved into something that makes no sense and is frankly confusing. It started strong but I think it’s time to end it.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 7:06 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | Hmm I have a lot of training in abuse dynamics and this hasn’t been the case in my experience.
Just doesn’t resonate. |
Your training may not cover *everything*, may not be current or tell you how to look for such a dynamic. A lack of awareness on your end doesn’t mean it isn’t real or valid, and it occurs in real life much more than you realize. If you’re really a professional in this field, I’d think you’d realize by now what makes a good professional: one who is open minded, curious, and always learning. You don’t-and cannot-possibly know everything there is to know. Idk about you but I’d never want to see a provider with a know-it-all, sanctimonious, invalidating attitude who’s closed off to learning. There’s ALWAYS something to learn from everyone, hon.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 9:47 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | yes this is another part that didn't make so much sense to me
also didn't make so much sense to me how everyone bought in like aryeh that the dad was "so abusive" all the time etc...
just doesn't ring true to me
nor does his (or anyone else's )sudden epiphanies and emotional insights and authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable... |
Agree. The father being so cruel in other chapters and suddenly becoming all ‘let’s get help and stop this’ isnt a scenario that is true to life.
People who are outright so cruel and fear mongering are generally not just abused people with bitterness and anger issues. AFAIK that is.
I guess that’s why it’s a novel.
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amother
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Sun, May 14 2023, 9:51 pm
| birdie1 wrote: | Right. From the beginning it seems that he was the one yelling at his wife and kids. She hid in the basement from him, cowering in fear when he came home. I agree that she's got a personality disorder. But something doesn't add up.
I think they're both very much in the wrong. But he's healthier and stronger and wants to make a change in their lives.
Also, what was the agreement that they had? It wasn't clear. |
The cowering/fear may be from her paranoia. People with borderline often actually believe their projections about others.
But I agree that he seems like a narcissist more than an angry bitter reactive and dysregulated victim of abuse.
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amother
Mocha
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Mon, May 15 2023, 9:26 am
| amother Snow wrote: | Agree. The father being so cruel in other chapters and suddenly becoming all ‘let’s get help and stop this’ isnt a scenario that is true to life.
People who are outright so cruel and fear mongering are generally not just abused people with bitterness and anger issues. AFAIK that is.
I guess that’s why it’s a novel. |
But we don't KNOW that he was always cruel. Just that he didnt take care of his kids the way he took care of others (the hospital comment) and that when he was around, there was always fighting and screaming.
This serial is incredible and I never want it to end... I'd be happy if it lasted forever and we could follow Aryeh and Miri as they become grandparents loll 
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