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amother
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 Sun, May 07 2023, 2:07 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: |
Why would anyone be ashamed to admit to liking a specific food? |
Because it's just not a delicate, ladylike food.
It's ridiculous but whenever discussing things like menus for kiddush etc I'm always hearing this attitude that women only like fruit, salads and maybe some miniatures so no cholent, kugel or herring for them.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:08 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | Have you met a yeshivish yeshiva bochur ever? It's practically a chiyuv. Okay I'm exaggerating but it's totally a thing. It's done a few hours after the meal, usually during winter shabbosim.
I married into a family of boys so when I'm by my in laws it's standard in the winter for them all to have a cholent feast at 10pm.When we've hosted bochurim my husband offers them as well. |
Nope. I actually have not. To be honest. Im not in that world.
And as I said, ive never heard of anyone opening the chulent pot before shabbat day for lunch.
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amother
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:10 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | Nope. I actually have not. To be honest. Im not in that world.
And as I said, ive never heard of anyone opening the chulent pot before shabbat day for lunch. |
It’s extremely common on Friday night a couple hours after the meal, especially in the winter.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:10 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | Because it's just not a delicate, ladylike food.
It's ridiculous but whenever discussing things like menus for kiddush etc I'm always hearing this attitude that women only like fruit, salads and maybe some miniatures so no cholent, kugel or herring for them. | 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Ladylike foods? Im so grateful that when I dated I ate what I felt like on a date. Not delicate foods. Sigh.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:11 pm
| amother Canary wrote: | | It’s extremely common on Friday night a couple hours after the meal, especially in the winter. |
So then soup and chulent? Never heard of this.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:12 pm
| amother Black wrote: | I don't relate to any of this.
OP you said "most people are brought up not to fill up on challa" well, if so many people you are going to make the challa the main course, obviously not "most people" are brought up that way.
I do serve only cholent for the main course even when we have guests.
Cholent with plenty of meat and chicken in it so people who want can have a full portion.
Cholent with plenty of potatoes, beans, barley and rice.
Maybe, if I didn't know the guests well I'd add shnitzel and kugel just in case they don't like cholent.
First course is challa, chopped liver, egg salad and 2 fresh salads. No dips.
I don't see what's wrong with that. I would be flabbergasted if someone told me I was starving my guests.
Honestly? this whole thread makes me feel that consumerism and foodism has gotten way out of hand. |
You serve your guests and family more and above!
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amother
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:15 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Ladylike foods? Im so grateful that when I dated I ate what I felt like on a date. Not delicate foods. Sigh. |
Lol Shabbat!! Everyone is so sensible in your world, no social hang ups or constructs, no peer pressure and the way you describe it everyone just feeling comfortable enough in their own skin to just do their thing. Ashrayich!!
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:16 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | Because it's just not a delicate, ladylike food.
It's ridiculous but whenever discussing things like menus for kiddush etc I'm always hearing this attitude that women only like fruit, salads and maybe some miniatures so no cholent, kugel or herring for them. |
Delicate? Ladylike? 
AFAIK it's 2023. The Victorian era ended *long* ago.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:19 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | | Lol Shabbat!! Everyone is so sensible in your world, no social hang ups or constructs, no peer pressure and the way you describe it everyone just feeling comfortable enough in their own skin to just do their thing. Ashrayich!! | yup, it really is that way. Thankfully so.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:26 pm
| amother Diamond wrote: | | Why do people take away the challah and dips? That’s the type of thing that I think should stay on the table for the whole meal, unless you really have no room for the other foods. |
I take them away whatever is left (it’s not usually much) because I don’t want anything to become fleishig, and I do need the space.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:28 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | | What is the point in informing the host you don't like Cholent? |
She said she went to a meal that was just cholent, which she doesn’t eat. In order to make sure there is something for her to eat, she tells her hostess that she doesn’t like cholent.
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amother
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:28 pm
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Guests should kind of know what to expect. One time I ate at a family that has only one course Friday night. I left hungry.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:30 pm
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I can empathize with the OP. I once had a similar meal in college when friends brought me along to a Chabad house for Shabbos lunch. I was grateful for the meal but no one warned me how it was going to be. So they put out a lot of dips and I had some, but I didn't fill up because I was waiting for the real food to come out. I wasn't expecting anything fancy either - just a piece of chicken, kugel, and some kind of vegetable. So I was greatly surprised when all they brought out were small individual bowls of cholent and that was it. Only then did I realize that I was supposed to fill up on the dips, but it was too late because everything had been cleared away. I went back to my dorm room hungry and I didn't really have anything else to eat. It wouldn't have been a problem if someone had warned me what to expect. I had never been to such a meal before.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:31 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | | I'm thoroughly modern myself but I have met so many women with weird hangups about food and weird ideas about what are distinctly more women's foods. You really have never met anyone like that? | what would that even be?
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Ema of 5
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:34 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | | You mention huge kiddush. AFAIK one is supposed to come with appetite to the meal. |
Many people consider the kiddush as their meal or as part of their meal.
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amother
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:35 pm
Generally light food, vegetable based not meat or protein heavy.
If you know what I'm talking about, you know....
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:39 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | | I'm thoroughly modern myself but I have met so many women with weird hangups about food and weird ideas about what are distinctly more women's foods. You really have never met anyone like that? |
IRL I haven't really encountered hang-ups.
Only on imamother Baruch HaShem!
It's true many times Cholent and kugel is served only on the men's side (sep weddings)but on the women's side we get much better things 
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amother
Cyan
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:39 pm
| amother Jean wrote: | | I'm thoroughly modern myself but I have met so many women with weird hangups about food and weird ideas about what are distinctly more women's foods. You really have never met anyone like that? |
I think you just mean salads and natural vegetable side dishes (no doughs or other starches added).
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amother
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Sun, May 07 2023, 2:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This is in the guest section for a reason. Before I start, I want to be clear, this post is not talking about Israel or other communities where it's typical and expected to serve challah, dips, and cholent and nothing else for shabbos lunch.
If your typical shabbos lunch seuda is the above, no fish, nothing other than challah, some dips (not salads), and a cholent, and you do this because that is what your family loves, that's great! Do what works for you and your family!
If that's your typical and you are having guests, PLEASE consider adding to the menu. I and many other people don't or cant fill up on challah and dips. There are so many reasons a person would only have the minimum amount of challah, some health related, some preference. And not everyone likes cholent.
I see here and on FB all the time, hosts asking for menu advice and people suggest "lots of challah and dips".
Can I tell you how awkward it is to have just a small amount of challah because otherwise I'm too full to eat anything else, and then the next course is a small pot of cholent? I can't go back and eat more challah because it's been cleared from the table. And a helping of cholent is not enough, so I go home and find something pareve to eat.
As a mother, I always have something for my family to eat at home, because when we are invited out, we go for the company and not for the food. So if the meal is not our taste, it's totally fine because we have food at home.
But not everyone does what I do. It's really just about being the kind of host who thinks ahead and is contentious of the fact that challah and dips is not a course everyone will eat, and tries to have options for their guests.
So I guess this is a PSA. Please, if you are hosting, consider serving a few other things aside from the dips and cholent. Maybe a green salad, maybe grilled chicken or deli, maybe rice? |
If you had more challah, you would gave been full? So ask if you could have more challah when they're clearing it away. Problem solved. Or if a helping of cholent is enough, gave a second helping. If you're particular about what you eat I wouldn't recommend eating out.
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