Ami serial by Riva Pomerantz Take 2

vanillatwilight ↓

Sun, Apr 23 2023, 12:50 pm

I really didn’t understand Bellas motivation for cutting off her mother. It seemed like she was upset that her mother became healthy and tried to work on her marriage and somehow that makes her evil. Aryeh was only 2 at the time so it’s like she was worried about her future relationship with him…

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Sun, Apr 23 2023, 12:52 pm

I think Bella has a personality disorder
That’s the reason she cut off her mother R”L
Most of her actions point to her having some serious issue personality disorder.
Unfortunately there are people who can and do convince others of an untrue nefarious smear about others in their family. Sick toxic dysfunction.

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Sun, Apr 23 2023, 5:27 pm

vanillatwilight wrote:

Here's what I understood:

It seems there's a pattern of the women in Bella's family of being too attached to their sons in lieu of their husbands.

Mrs. Tiegman's mom did it, then she did it. But she tried to get better, but it was too late.

Mr. Tiegman got sick of living this way so he divorced her.

Then Bella became upset (why?) so she got her siblings to "cut off" (side note: WTH is that expression? I never heard it before. Do ppl actually use it?) from Mrs. Tiegman, but then she ended up doing that to her own sons as well.

I do not understand:
What Bella was so upset about to "cut off" her mom - shouldn't she have been standing up for her mom like Ari and his siblings do? Or was the divorce so shameful at that time?

The "deal" she has with Kalman

amother

↑ Sage ↓

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 4:28 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

I don't like how sudddenly the husband is painted as the tzaddik.

Yes, his wife has issues. HUGE issues.

But we definitely got glimpses in previous chapters of his terrible tempter, of his yelling and making horrible comments to his wife. He shouldn't suddenly be vindicated just because we realise that she has the main? problems.

This

The story is making less and less sense

Originally it seemed like ryeh father what's a real complicated person and the mother never learned how to deal with him so she turned codependent and then her son followed the triangulation... which is also relatable and true to life

This new twist makes very little sense with family dysfunctionality

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 5:40 pm

Agree
For those that can unfortunately relate to the story, what did Bella do until Aryeh was mature?
Bella cut off from her mother and resented her not protecting her from her father..
Why wouldn't she be close to her mother if this was their dynamic?

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 5:41 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I found this week's chapter a bit challenging to understand.
However, what I could gather from it is that a mother has a personality disorder. The father, by his own admission was acting in a terrible way and expressing his temper etc but does not have a personality disorder as he was able to admit it and apologize. The mother not only did not apologize but went after Miri in a sick, twisted way. So though the father is definitely not blameless and definitely is culpable for many years of trauma in the family, the mother is portrayed as by far the worst...

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:46 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

Off topic but
When they can admit it but too difficult for them to apologize is that a personality disorder?

No I think it's just hard for certain ppl to apologize. Not necessarily a personality disorder, just a challenge for them (it may make them feel insecure or weak)
Otoh, if someone is literally incapable of realizing they're in the wrong and gaslights their friends and family, that's probably a personality disorder.

amother

↑ Nectarine ↓

Fri, Apr 28 2023, 1:46 am

amother Sage wrote:

This new twist makes very little sense with family dysfunctionality

I disagree. My mother has a personality disorder and although didn't rely on any of us to take care of her, she acts very similarly to Bella.

Gaslighting, no responsibility, always the victim, when you disagree or say no or out up a boundary she cannot handle it. She will guilt you, lie, hurt you, punish you. Of course it starts off nice like "Cmon don't you want to do x for me, I really need it." then "Don't you care about me? Or my needs? Do you care about Hashem? Because this is a hugeee mitzvah" to "You are abusing me. You are a horrible person, no wonder you will never get married. You just want to see me die"

When you live with someone like this, every day. For years. The Gaslighting, questioning. Your reality, constant blaming - it makes you go crazy.

Many of the things aryehs father said, like the taughting at bella, making fun of her, yelling at her are things I did as a teen and saw my father do from time to time. It's just so hard to cope with someone this crazy and you end up doing things and saying thing you would never do or say just to survive and not always feel like it's all your fault. You need to fight back to survive.

I saw this pattern a mile away. It was clear to me from the beginning she had a personality disorder and I wasn't sure the father's full role.

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2023, 5:36 pm

Just gotta say that this latest installment didn’t ring true for me nope not at all
A s a poster said teen can do all those things in response to personality disordered parent
Understandable
Grown men however usually do not
Particularly not if they are as self aware as Zev is in this recent chapter
Does not make sense or hold together
Also…aryeh is an adult and while one can be codependent etc one doesn’t usually stay fooled to this extent (that the dad was an abuser and the source of the problems and he had to be his mothers protector) unless estranged and has no idea what’s truly going on
And if one is so enmeshed to a warped view of reality then s/he can’t shift gears that fast…
Love the author but none of this felt authentic let alone insightful it felt like a poor soap opera or something

amother

↑ Snow ↓

Sun, Apr 30 2023, 8:20 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I was also flummoxed. I wonder if posters here who ar e privy to disordered couples have seen this dynamic. I have seen abused people react with rage , but not this sinister glaring cruelty that zev is portrayed to have. I do wonder though as I don’t know everything!

amother

↑ Blue

Wed, May 03 2023, 7:17 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Not very plausible. I have a child in shidduchim now and before we agree to a date, we know everything about their grandparents, great grandparents etc.... and we're not even a family that does tons of research at all. I can't imagine that Miri's mother didn't do the same... it just feels so fake to me.

Miri was viewed by her parents as insecure. Her parents were probably happy she got a shiduch and that's that. Without checking too much.

amother

↑ Gardenia ↓

Wed, May 03 2023, 7:23 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

I just read this week's - really good!!
But I almost feel like I missed a chapter because Aryeh keeps referencing things he told his mother which were not mentioned last week. Guess they happened 'off camera'

What happened? I didn’t get this week’s

amother

↑ Honey ↓

Wed, May 03 2023, 7:24 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

What happened this week?