Ami serial by Riva Pomerantz Take 2

amother

↑ Dimgray

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 8:10 am

amother Crystal wrote:

Would you dare talk to your husband that way though?
Her speech was very daring towards an abuser.

Yes. This can definitely be what happens when the wife has become determined not to just roll over, not to let comments pass her by and just be meek. But she's not actually going to leave or likely even make substantive changes- she may not know how- so she doesn't let it pass and use the internal response to plan something. Instead, she lets it out, to show him she's not just taking it anymore. It's a risk, but it feels necessary for her to go on (we're talking emotional and
verbal abuse, not physical, where this is way less likely to happen) and she may feel she is protecting herself by projecting strength and even going on the offense. And he gets used to that. Sometimes it actually helps, and sometimes he will respond with gotchas she doesn't have a way to respond to. And both of those can be the same husband.

amother

Snow ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 8:35 am

The mother spoke snidely about Miri in the past. That was soon after she gave birth prematurely and her own son missed the birth.

The mother is no saint.

I assume she has borderline personality. Manipulates in order to avoid abandonment. Cries in order to control her son.

At the same time the father is 100% a severe npd.

Extremely common for borderlines and narcissists to attract to one another..
And yes borderlines fight narcissists despite being petrified of them.

The mom ain’t no saint. The dad ain’t no saint. Home full of dysfunction.

Dad prob worse of the two tho. No half normal person talks to his wife so cold. Like a tractor walking all over her.

amother

↑ Grape ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 8:37 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Its fascinating to me to see how many posters automatically assumed Aryeh's mother was the one at fault.

Internalized misogyny at its best....

(And I see this a lot IRL as well, not just in this fictionalized serial).

Aryeh mother is trying to ruin aryeh marriage. She told
Miri to her face that she wants to come
For shabbos alone which mother in law saids that. Of course she is at fault. Who tells their newly married son I want you to stay and make 200 gold
Flowers for me for my
Business for free because you do it best when she knows his newly married wife is home alone waiting for him.

I don’t care how bad aryeh smother marriage is why is she trying to ruin her sons marriage. Even if she needs help with her husband don’t keep your son home to do dishes for you and to work for free in your bakery she doesn’t want him happily l married why is everyone forgetting this.

She is an awful witch who deserves to be abused . She is trying to ruin her sons marriage

↑ LovesHashem ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 8:45 am

amother Jetblack wrote:

Just because she's being abused doesn't give her the right to abuse others. Of course she is at fault, of course she has responsibility for the actions and the consequences that she has done. She is abusive and that's probably likely because people who are abused have a hard time breaking the cycle and can go on to become abusers themselves.

amother

↑ Jetblack ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 8:46 am

amother Snow wrote:

Right, but many posters were saying that she was the only bad one here. That it's all her fault. I don't buy that.

And this is why, IMO, the mantra that divorce should be avoided at all costs is so wrong. This marriage is toxic and children should not be growing up in such a home.

↑ nachasmom

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 9:50 am

I can't believe you are saying the father is abusive. She turned the children against him especially Aryeh, her "savior". He may have been snarky and enjoying himself too much. However, just by reading the story you can see what type of person she is and can only imagine what her husband has been through. He may have lost his cool but who can blame him. (the term abuse if thrown around too much).

amother

↑ Grape ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:04 am

nachasmom wrote:

I agree with you you Said it so well. She turned aryeh against him, him lashing out is after years of being abused by him. Aryeh only sees the bad in his father because since he’s a little kid all
He heard was how bad his father is and without his help his mother would be gone. His other is scaring him that without him his family would be shattered she is abusive and manipulative.

She also tried so many times to hurt Miri. She tries to take aryeh away from Miri as much as possible.

Even the fact that she called aryeh after Miri mother approached her that she needs to go to therapy
And lied what the mother said just to get aryeh Angry at Miri. She is a horrible manipulative person who should be locked away because of her mental illness.

I’m sorry for anyone abused but that’s not the case here she is acting like the victim when she is the abuser.

↑ birdie1 ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:07 am

nachasmom wrote:

If that's true, then why is she so terrified of him? And what about the conversation that the other mom ( I forget names) was listening in to? She seemed to get the idea that aryehs mom was being verbally abused by her husband. She was in total shock.

Also, he was downright cruel to her in this week's installment.

↑ birdie1 ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:12 am

amother Grape wrote:

Aryehs mother has been abusing aryehs father for at least 22 years if not more at this point it makes sense he learned how to fight back and be hostile to her. Years of abuse does this to a person.

You know what. That makes so much sense now. They actually remind me of a certain couple that I know. The dynamics are eerily similar.

amother

↑ Peony ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:19 am

amother Grape wrote:

Aryehs mother has been abusing aryehs father for at least 22 years if not more at this point it makes sense he learned how to fight back and be hostile to her. Years of abuse does this to a person.

Idk. The way he spoke to her was cruelty personified. And she was the one acting out of sheer terror. An abuser isnt scared like that.
I’m not saying she isnt guilty of her own sins but to me it seems like the father started the train wreck.

amother

Celeste ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:34 am

This weeks chapter gave me the chills. I felt like Riva recorded a conversation between my parents. Both of them playing victim. Both of them equally guilty. Somehow just bringing out the very worst of each other...
Mom giving all her love and attention to the kids. Ignoring dad. Dad never really being present, and being a tzaddik to the street

amother

↑ Snow ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:36 am

nachasmom wrote:

If what you are assuming is true then the mother wouldn’t be so frightened of the father when he follows her downstairs.

amother

↑ Blueberry ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 10:55 am

amother Snow wrote:

If what you are assuming is true then the mother wouldn’t be so frightened of the father when he follows her downstairs.

Maybe she was afraid to face the truth/criticism.

↑ birdie1 ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 11:10 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

Maybe she was afraid to face the truth/criticism.

But she didn't know the reason of his confrontation. She was just waiting for Aryeh and he showed up unexpectedly. Why the fear?

amother

↑ Blueberry ↓

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 11:35 am

birdie1 wrote:

But she didn't know the reason of his confrontation. She was just waiting for Aryeh and he showed up unexpectedly. Why the fear?

Could be all their encounters are only criticism.
Dunno. I'm guessing...

amother

Camellia

Sun, Feb 19 2023, 12:49 pm

birdie1 wrote:

But she didn't know the reason of his confrontation. She was just waiting for Aryeh and he showed up unexpectedly. Why the fear?

Maybe she feared an interaction like this bc she knew Aryeh was on the way and the husband being around would encroach on her “Aryeh time”…she doesn’t like anyone interfering with that dynamic.