how to get kids to listen

↑ Tila ↓

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 10:57 am

There are kids on my street that when thier parent comes and says "time for a shower lets go!" They get up and leave. No fights NO arguements, they get up and go and say BYE! THanx! See ya tomorrow!!! I stand there with my jaw hanging open in wonder. If thaty were me, we would be standing thewre arguing about how little time my kids had to play and would be negotyiating for more minutes.

su7kids

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 11:42 am

Unfortunately, you cannot expect children to listen the first time, and if you ask 10 times, they KNOW you're not serious.

It needs to be ONCE. And you can train them at home, so that when you go out, they listen too!!

Firstly, there's the idea of giving them a warning. I found that if you can use a timer rather than you being the one saying "in 5 minutes" and you keep reminding them about the time going, its much easier, because then its the TIMER that's telling them, not YOU!

Secondly, you have to put in quite a bit of effort at the beginning to gain your long term "freedom". For example, you cannot ask a child to "clean up" they have NO CLUE what you mean. YOu need to stand there watching, and at certain ages, helping , and say "Lego's into the blue box" (even though they KNOW it goes there, because they just took it out!) "Dolls on the shelf", I.e. give them SPECIFIC tasks. "Clean up" is overwhelming.

As for "we're leaving" you must give a warning, a 5 minute warning, or something, and then GO as is. If they are in pj's because they didnt'; get dressed, that's how they go out, if they didn't eat their breakfast, that's how they go out, etc. You don't have to do it often. My kids knew when I said I'm leaving and I was in the car, I WOULD drive away without them (if another responsible person was in the house), so they RAN when I said "we're going".

For getting ready for school, its different because they don't necessarily want to go, so you again, take them as is, and then let the school deal with the fact that they're in PJs or they don't have all their papers etc.
(only once or twice and then they learn!)

mugsisme

Thu, Jun 19 2008, 5:53 pm

My neighbor's kids always listen the first time. My DD found out why. When she babysat for them, she was told that if they didn't listen, put them in a dark closet and close the door. OK, personally, I will take kids who don't listen to doing that to them.

I had issues with my 17 year old not being ready in the morning. One morning I said, We are leaving. And lo and behold, I left! She called me on my cell phone asking me to come back. No way. She learned, and for the rest of the year, she was on time when I said we were leaving.

The biggest thing is follow through. Last night, I saw the "baby" had left a juice box on the floor. I told her to throw it away, and she said no. So I picked it up, put it in her hand, walked her to garbage, and had her throw it in. I am trying to train the little ones to listen. What is the worst is when you ask the older ones to do something, and think they did it, only to find out after they went to sleep it wasn't done. :-( I had one DD complaining I was asking her to do so much the other day. I pointed out that I only asked her to do ONE thing. the other things were the stuff she didn't do the day before. The worst thing you can do is do it for them when they don't do it.

↑ Tila

Fri, Jun 20 2008, 12:51 pm

SU7kids, you must be a teacher!! . I have used the PJ one. TWICE and my son NEVER argues to dress in the AM. As the kids get older they do the basics in the house, its the not wanting to leave a fun event that is difficult!! Oh Yesterday I had to pick up DD from school early cuz sher had a rash (turns out it was a heat rash), and had to take her bro too cuz I did not want to come back a second time. Since it was the second to last day of school. I also walk them to and from school. I did not want to have to do it again. I had to negotiate cajole threaten etc to get this kid to leave school!! TO LEAVE SCHOOL!!!! Imagine that???? In the end I managed to find someone to bring him home. The assitant to the pricple saw us wrangling with my son and tried to help. Told him all was OK. 5 mins later he sees me pass by his office with DD and asked where my son was. So I told himn that I lost. How lousy I feel as amother. He was nice enough to make a joke about the whole thing. I do feel like thr loser of a mom tho...