simchas & gifts | Imamother

greeneyes

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 9:25 am

Maybe I am young and naive, but I think it's perfectly fine not to give a gift if you can't afford it. I think it's something that people understand. Sharing in someone's simcha, and making them feel like you care and you are happy for them, is really the greatest gift you can give them. JMHO.

tovarena ↓

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 1:06 pm

DH and I just had a discussion about this yesterday because a good friend's daughter is getting married (out of our area), we're not attending the wedding, and we've already given her a nice shower gift and will be giving a sheva brachos along with another family. And I said that since we're not going to the wedding, we don't have to give a gift. His response was, if it's a good friend, of course you give a gift. So it reminded me that when I was single, myself and my classmates would travel to each other's wedding (we went to a dorm school so our actual homes were spread out all over the country/world). By and large, most of us felt that the cost of traveling WAS our gift to the kallah. And personally, I know that when I got married, the fact that my (already married many years) friends dropped everything to come celebrate with me was WAY more valuable than some crystal bowl. Tongue Out

OTOH, if I was going to a simcha in town, I'd feel a little bad about it if I couldn't bring at least a little something. But that's just me. I know there are people that came to my wedding that didn't bring gifts and it doesn't bother me.

↑ manhattanmom

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 8:00 pm

tovarena wrote:

I'd think that if you gave a nice shower gift AND are making Sheva Brachos that's considered enough of a gift even if you did go to the wedding.

↑ tovarena

Fri, Jun 06 2008, 10:31 am

manhattanmom wrote:

I'd think that if you gave a nice shower gift AND are making Sheva Brachos that's considered enough of a gift even if you did go to the wedding.

That brings up a question I've often had - do most people consider throwing a Sheva Brachos, even as part of a group, to be equivalent to/in lieu of a wedding gift? Certainly, money-wise, we will spend WAY more making (even just helping to make) a meal for dozens of people than we would for even a generous wedding gift. DH definitely didn't think so when I brought it up but your comment made me wonder if that's out of the norm.
BTW, in the end, he said we'd wait to see how much we end up spending on the Sheva Brachos before we decide whether we'll give a separate gift or not. I just sighed and left it to figure out afterwards.

Emee

Fri, Jun 06 2008, 10:43 am

I made the shabbos kallah for a close friend and when I gave her a wedding gift she was so surprised,. She said she felt the shabbos kallah was enough of a gift. and she did not expect gifts from anyoen who made her sheva brochas etc.