She won't talk at all at playgroup

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:06 am

My two and a half year old is a bright, smiley, personality-plus kid who chatters a lot at home. At playgroup, she will not say a single word. She comes home excited about her day, full of talk about everything that happened. She chatters up the steps to Morah but as soon as we get to the door, she stops and says she is not going to talk at Morah's house.
Today the Morah said she was concerned because my daughter literally does not say a single word. She also mentioned that she sits and eats her lunch fore fifteen minutes longer than the other children. And that she likes to play mostly by herself.
Has anyone experienced something like this? Any advice?
My daughter is my first child, with a younger sibling. She does play nicely at home with cousins and neighbor children.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:39 am

There is such a thing called selective mutism. I worked in a gan many years ago, where there was a boy who came to gan and did not say one word. At home he was the life of the party. At gan, not a word. His parents thankfully looked into this right away, meaning as soon as the ganenet said something to them. Literally at the end of the year, maybe two or three weeks before the end of the school year, he spoke a few words here and there to the ganenet.
If you think this is really an issue, get this looked into because with experience, I will say that this is not something that usually goes away on its own and sometimes gets worse.
This little boy was 3 for reference.

WitchKitty

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:41 am

My sister was exactly like that.
She started gan at 2.5 and at home would sing all the gan songs and tell us exactly what happened in gan. But she wouldn't open her mouth in gan.
We found a friend from her gan to invite to our house. Then later she would go the friends house and speak there.
Around chanuka time she opened her mouth in gan one day (and never stopped...)

amother

Vanilla

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:43 am

My 2.5 year old was like this and then one day she felt comfortable enough to start talking and has been fine since. At this age it’s normal to be shy and nervous at first. It’s possible it’s selective mutism but it’s also possible she’s just shy. I would watch and see for now.

amother

Thistle

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Hi, my DS aged six was like this. He has autism and selective mutism. I found the best thing for him was to be in a specialist school and he is now thriving and chatting in school.

amother

Orange

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:54 am

How many kids are in her group? My son was the exact same way because he was overwhelmed by the class size. I moved him to something smaller and he’s thriving now.

amother

Camellia ↓

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:07 am

I have the exact same thing with my dd who's also 2.5. Only difference is home is mostly English and gan is all Hebrew. But she does play in Hebrew with her siblings sometimes, so I'm not sure that's an explanation. And she does have older siblings, unlike your dd, OP. Another difference- my dd is also very shy with neighbors. Her ganenet actually asked if she speaks to neighbors. Seemed like she thinks that would indicate less of an issue.

My older kids were also very shy. I asked dd6.5 if she spoke in gan at this age, and she claimed not. She said the next year she spoke a bit more, and regularly after that. I don't recall anyone mentioning it for her. I think they still expect shyness from some kids this age. I wonder how many really don't outgrow it.

↑ Golde

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:55 am

My 2 year old just started talking last week after being there for four months. He just needed that time to feel safe before speaking. Now he is happy speaking there every day.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:56 am

I have a child like this in my playgroup.
She's fine, she joins in and plays. She's just really shy.
She just turned 2, still very little. Her mother said she talks at home so I'm not worried.

I used to have an older boy like this, that was more of a stubborn thing. Eventually he spoke to the kids in a whisper, then to us morah's in a whisper, then properly bh. I only have a small group, around 8 kids.

amother

Heather

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 5:10 am

Niece would sit and play by herself in daycare. SIL kept thinking to get her evaluated but ILs and DH all thought that she was totally off-base because niece was fine around them. She ended up getting her evaluated and she does have ASD. We later learned that BIL also has ASD, and actually had early intervention for it but his parents never told him or sil (his mother probably does too, never treated.) so in their family it's genetic.

Because of SIL advocating for niece, she got therapies from basically when she turned three. Now she's eight and because of that, she's doing fairly well in her mainstream school. She still gets some therapies, and still has challenges in some areas but she got an amazing head start that gave her so many of the tools she needed to cope in a world of neurotypical people. It was amazing to watch her recently standing on a stage singing with all the kids in her class, something she never would have done a few years prior.

Because of that, I'd say better to look into why dd is doing that instead of brushing it under the rug.

amother

Steel

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:56 am

My sister had this exactly, and Bh was helped in this way.
My mother got permission from the morah to have her (not many years) older siblings accompany her to playgroup! she was comfortable talking to them, and after a couple of days doing this the ice was broken and she began speaking to others as well.

dena613 ↓

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:11 am

Please take this seriously and don't wait for it to resolve in its own. If it does, great, but if not, you lost precious time.

It sounds like you daughter has selective mutism. It's exactly as you describe your daughter. There are people who are trained and specialize in helping kids overcoming this fear. (It's based in anxiety.)

Perhaps in this thread, or start another one, stating your location and asking for recommendations.

I don't have personal experience with this, but I know of others who do.

amother

Nemesia

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:36 pm

First of all I would wait till at least Chanukah, beginning of year takes time to get used to and then sukkos and then like a brand new year for such a little kid wouldn’t jump to selective mutism some kids are just shy! Give a little more time totally normal my kid was like this till 4 and now doesn’t stop talking in and out of school , never hurts to look into but wouldn’t be so panicked either

↑ dena613

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:36 pm

Chanukah is in 3 weeks.

So if you want to wait till chanukah, prep now by finding out who to contact.

Years ago I worked in a classroom where parents were getting hadracha from Shaindel Cohen ah (or one of her trainees), and the teacher was asked to incorporate more games into the classroom. I remember tha t, but I'm sure there was more.

My guess-
Probably first integrating child in a small group of with one or two friends within the class..does she do playdates?

Google selective mutism preschool and see what comes up!!
Hatzlacha rabba!

And Lakewood ladies, does anyone know who Op can reach out to?

ff119

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:48 pm

Don't want u to panic but if this continues u gotta take care of it. The earlier the better. Wish I would've known that. My daughter was Selectively Mute throughout elementary NOT TALKING AT ALL IN SCHOOL. Out of the classroom she was the life of the party. Finally got professional help in high school but it's a very tough journey once you are over 8 yrs old

amother

↑ Camellia

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 5:05 am

ff119 wrote:

Wow, that sounds really tough! But 2.5 is not even close to 8! They really are worlds apart in terms of this.