Am I crazy if I just come home with a cat?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:21 am

They’re so clean, and quiet, and don’t bark, and easy to handle, and so sweet.

My husband hates animals but I die to own a cat.

Can I just come home with one and keep it in the basement or anywhere away from him so it won’t bother?

Tell me I’m not crazy.

amother

Poinsettia ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:22 am

please do not do this

a big decision requires both on board

think how you would feel if dh did something you don't like that would affect your home and every day life

don't kid yourself, it takes money and the whole place smells even tho cat owners may not notice

sorry

SG18

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:25 am

Sorry- but this is crazy. Owning a pet needs to be a joint decision.
I kinda want a dog but don't want to commit, and if my husband- who really wants a dog- came home with one, I would be so angry. And I love animals, I'm just not ready to own one.

amother

Lightgreen

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:30 am

They're not always so sweet.
My friend just needed to put down a beloved pet cat because out of the blue, a week ago, the cat started attacking family members, biting hard enough to cause visits to urgent care. It happened twice over the course of 24 hours and it was obvious he was no longer safe to have around. (The vet agreed.)

This cat was only a couple of years old, had been so sweet and attached to the family, they had had him from when he was a tiny kitten. Even though I'm not an animal lover I never was nervous around him or minded if he jumped up next to me on their couch to purr.

He was a housebound cat, never went outside, no chance of him having gotten rabies or something from another animal. But at the end of the day, animals are unpredictable and you can't guarantee they won't snap and become vicious. You have to be prepared for that possibility.

amother

↑ Poinsettia ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:31 am

instead why not try to win him over to how important this is to you, your POV, and compromises like keeping the cat in the basement (though I don't know how that would work).

(gotta say I don't like nagging and don't think it works...nor jokes about divorce)

maybe in the meantime you can get your fix elsewhere like at a friend who has a cat or shelter or something

BH Yom Yom ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:35 am

As a longtime animal advocate and rescue volunteer, I say: please do not do this. It is unfair both to your husband and to the cat. A pet needs to be taken care of, interacted with regularly, and not left alone or shut away in the basement.

There is a financial aspect as well: There are vet bills, food bills, dewormer and flea treatments, yearly shots, pet insurance to offset the cost of unexpected vet bills, litter, etc. Who is the breadwinner in your marriage? If it is your DH, it is absolutely unacceptable to add animal care costs without mutually agreeing that you are both willing to take this on.

I have seen this type of thing happen so many times, unfortunately. A person decides on a whim to bring home a pet, the novelty wears off a few weeks later (or cleaning the litter box stops being exciting), and they then try to rehome the pet without doing due diligence. “Free to good home” is arguably one of the most destructive “rehoming methods” that exists. There are unfortunately dogfighting rings that will take cats, kittens, puppies, bunnies, etc. and use them as bait. Animals used as bait can be mauled to death or severely injured.

Feel free to PM me for more information. I would strongly urge you to reach out to your local animal rescues and offer to volunteer with them. That can help you get your “kitty fix” while also respecting your husband’s preference.

Rappel

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:36 am

Have you considered bringing him to a cat cafe, or having a date at the Meet The Breeds event? You can enjoy, he can see you enjoy, and you can understand what his objections are and discuss if there is a way to help him feel comfortable.

Meanwhile, join a pet-sitting Facebook group in your community. You can earn money by petting cats in their homes, and without creating friction in your marriage.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:36 am

amother Lightgreen wrote:

This is very uncommon and out of character for cats who are a 100% domesticated and peaceful animal. They’re not like trained bears or tigers.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:37 am

amother Wallflower wrote:

Yes you’re crazy. Maybe you can get a bird. I know it’s not the same …

Do not get a bird behind your husbands back either. They’re noisy, make big messes (even the tiny birds do), they do smell, vet care, and they need interaction, toys, food, treats, big clean cages, etc.

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:37 am

I essentially did something like this (not as extreme). My husband really didn’t want a cat but I did. I felt like dogs were way too much maintenance. So I went to the pet store with my kids, filled out the adoption application, let my husband know we were looking into it, and went three separate times until we met one that seemed like the right fit for the family. I take 95% of responsibility for the cat. Scoop the litter box (we have a litter genie so I put it in), and the only thing he does is empty the litter genie once it’s full - around every 2 weeks. My house does not smell one bit. And my cat is very pleasant to have around. Basically no extra work (once a year vet visit, we have an automatic feeder and water filter, 30 seconds twice a day at the litter box), and very minimal expense.

vintagebknyc ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:38 am

amother Lightgreen wrote:

You realize humans can snap also? The cat clearly had something neurological going on.

That said, OP, I have lived with cats for 50 years and can't imagine a time when I would stop. Maybe you want to look into fostering a cat for a few weeks--teaching it to be sociable and to interact with people. This way you can see how you (and your husband) really feel about cat ownership without the obligation of adopting one. And if you both happen to fall in love with it, well, then it's beshert.

↑ BH Yom Yom ↓

Sun, Nov 13 2022, 11:39 am

Rappel wrote:

This is a great idea!

If your DH is not vehemently opposed, you can ask if he would be willing to consider fostering cats. That is a temporary arrangement with an animal rescue group, where you take care of a cat with the understanding that it will eventually be adopted by another family. The rescue typically covers all expenses, and you provide a room for the cat, food (potentially paid for by the rescue) litter box, playtime, snuggles, socialization.