Place cards at chasunas...

GetReal

Thu, May 22 2008, 8:56 am

We had a lot of people at our wedding who are not frum, and didn't know too many other people there. If there was open seating, they may have been very uncomfortable. In some cases, seating cards are necessary, if you want your guests to have someone to talk to during the meal.

↑ Rivky ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:09 am

I hear ya but still don't see y it's such an issue. Ask someone for a chair or go find one. It definitely is nice to come in and have a seating card, but if not, hey, find urself a seat and enjoy the evening!! (which you might tell me you can't since you don't have a seat). Smile

louche ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:11 am

Place cards ensure that everyone has a place to sit, and if at all possible with someone they know or have something in common with. Without them, families may end up scattered among several tables, and if the seating's mixed, you can even have husbands and wives separated because they didn't hustle enough to grab two seats at the same table. It's especially important for the guests who know few if any people at the simcha.

It can be a very lonely feeling when you go into a big room, look around and see all the tables full of people who clearly know each other well, and you try to find a place for yourself hoping the others won't just ignore you. This can happen even when there is assigned seating, but the baalei hasimcha usually work very hard to make sure that people at the table either know each other or have some sort of connection--went to same school, live in same area, are of similar age and marital status--something. They're not always going to be successful, and they may end up seating together two girls who went to the same sem and couldn't stand each other, but the intentions are good and the effort expended considerable.

↑ louche ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:17 am

mummiedearest wrote:

there are always those who switch seats to be near friends, causing others problems with finding a seat...

That's the fault of the selfish boors who didn't follow the baal hasimcha's plan, not the fault of the plan itself. Saying place cards should be banned because some people ignore them makes as much sense as saying traffic lights should be banned because some people ignore them.

amother ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:27 am

A chasuna is not a backyard bbq. It's a more formal event and I don't want to stand around figuring out where I'm going to find a place to sit. Nearly every wedding I have been to had place cards and I greatly appreciated it. It shows thought and care and lends to a more elegent and formal setting. The few weddings that were open seating were utter chaos and I, knowing either nobody or very few people, and not being such a social butterfly by nature, felt miserable.

I know for some people who have grown up frum and always lived in the same community it's no big deal. Every wedding you go to you have dozens of friends and relatives and can just plop yourself down wherever and be happy. For the rest of us it can be pretty awful.

Imaonwheels ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:35 am

Miriam Nechama, this is almost never done in Israel, B"H. In fact nobody RSVPs either. You decide how many plates you will order and how that number will be split among the sides. People get the invite and put on the fridge with a magnet if they think they will go. Some people get so many invitations they go only to those that are important or only for the chuppa.

I was told in America you NEVER bring any kids, even nursing babies. At Israeli weddings you see women with babies in slings or strollers if they are small and still nursing. It is polite to ask if you feel it appropriate to bring other children. One kalla I know, a giyoret, asked that everyone bring all of their children as she wanted there to be as many children as possible.

At some weddings the main guests are the friends of the couple and at others it is relatives, then other adults and the young people are invited to dance and there is a refreshment table for them on each side of the mechitza.

Also in Israel people often hang invitations at shuls and such with "now regard this as a personal invitation" handwritten. Each person who sees it decides whether he knows the person well enough to belong.

And of course in charedi communities you have to factor in the gorilla and the old poor people who, according to minhag Y-m, have a right to be fed as well.

Here there is no such thing as standard etiquette everyone must follow,

↑ Imaonwheels

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:45 am

Just a funny story.

We went to the wedding of the dd of a rav who dh is very close to. He took dh to the chuppa and was sandak for our first. He is like a father to dh. The rebetzin is a very aidel and fine person. Whenever she sees me she acts as if I am a daughter or dil.

At the wedding dh knew many of the guys. I knew nobody at all. Being an outgoing person I have no problem at all sitting near perfect strangers and usually get into conversations. I looked around and the hall was super packed as the rav is an important askan, rav of a shul and all kinds of positions.

The only place I saw open was with a very lively group of older Sefardi ladies. They really stood out because this was a major chassidishe family and the Admo"r was mesader kidushin. The other guests were all Ashkenazi and very refined.

So I am having fun with these old ladies telling jokes and talking about kids and gc. They all have tremendous praise for the rav. All of a sudden the baalat hasimcha sees me and goes white.It turns out that these ladies eat their meals at the soup kitchen in the rav's shul. She was wondering who sat me there, like as an insult. I assured her that I chose the seat and that the company was excellent, but she was very uncomfortable with it.

Crayon210

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:48 am

cindy324 wrote:

A bit OT, but when my friend's bro got married, they didn't do place cards, and one guest came, saw that there were no place cards, went over to the chosson's mother and told her she's not staying because there are no place cards. shock

I guess she wanted to see her name in print What

Needless to stay , the chosson's mom was very upset.

Cindy, this is what I mean about you having crazy stories.

shock

pinkbubbles

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:50 am

We did not do seat placement for our wedding. Everyone loved it because they were able to choose who to sit with and didn't feel forced to sit with strangers. I think this would only work if you want something more laid back- and that each person knows at least one other person so they don't feel left out when it comes to sitting down and they're not sure where to go.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 9:57 am

pinkbubbles wrote:

We did not do seat placement for our wedding. Everyone loved it because they were able to choose who to sit with and didn't feel forced to sit with strangers.

Glad the open seating worked out for you, but just a comment...

If thought was put into place seatings, then nobody would be sitting with strangers anyhow. Unless they didn't know anyone in the first place and in that case the hosts could make sure they at least sat with someone who they'd have what to talk about.

↑ louche

Thu, May 22 2008, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

pinkbubbles wrote:

We did not do seat placement for our wedding. Everyone loved it because they were able to choose who to sit with and didn't feel forced to sit with strangers.

which is why they have assigned seating in the first place.

grin

Thu, May 22 2008, 10:31 am

Imaonwheels wrote:

great story. I hope you were able to convince the kallah eventually. I could see myself doing the same!

↑ flowerpower ↓

Thu, May 22 2008, 10:36 am

Place cards do not always ensure someone has a seat. Sometimes unexpected guest show up and they take a chair. When you walk in with your place card and no chair at the table you can feel foolish. You see a few empty places at another table but since u already have a table number you cant sit there. I had a few times were I hated the table I was placed at. Most of the family weddings I go to do not have place settings and we automaticaly sit at a table where the rest of the cousins or other relatives are sitting at. We never had a problem bec there werent specific place settings.

↑ amother

Thu, May 22 2008, 10:54 am

flowerpower wrote:

Place cards do not always ensure someone has a seat. Sometimes unexpected guest show up and they take a chair. .

Well those people are just plain rude! I understand that in some communities it's the norm to just show up. I'm not talking about those people. In places where the custom is to RSVP and certain people never do and just appear - they are rude. If I got to my assigned table and saw no open seats I would start asking each person if they were at the right table or not and make sure I got my assigned seat.

DefyGravity

Thu, May 22 2008, 11:02 am

I agree, it's very rude to show up and expect a seat. If you're unexpected, you can't get upset when there's not a place for you. People send out rsvp cards for a reason, it's not just to give you a free stamp.

I prefer place cards, because I don't like wandering around to look for a seat. I did the seating for my wedding, and it really wasn't so difficult. My aunt taught me a great trick with post-it notes and paper plates.

Mrs. XYZ

Thu, May 22 2008, 11:17 am

flowerpower wrote:

What about when people were left out by mistake? They are a close friend or relative and dont see their name? They sit down where they shouldve been sitting or the macheteniste tells her im sorry please sit near your sisters...

Then the baal simcha should leave 1 or 2 "extra" places by each table for the unexpected.
In certain communities it is unheard of to show up if you didn't respond that you are coming. But in other communities (chaseedish) it definitely does happen so you gotta leave some extras on each table. Many times people show up but dont expect a meal, but still need a place just to sit a while.