Won't do her work | Imamother

elisecohen ↓

Mon, Sep 19 2005, 7:17 am

My 11 year old dd just will do anything to avoid her homework. She deliberately avoids copying down the assignments. This is despite the facts that a) the school has given her two homework notebooks, one for limudei kodesh, one for chol; b) all the teachers have the assignments written on the boards when she arrives for class; c) my dh meets her at school every day now at 4:30 and walks her around to any classroom from which she hasn't written down the assignment; and d) she knows that all the teachers post their homework on their webpages too!

Then she lies about what tests she has to study for, what studying she's done, what she's completed in class, and so on.

This went on all of last year, and we never got her any better at it. This year she's at a new school where they're so organized she has absolutely no excuses, but she still makes no effort.

She wants to go back to homeschooling I know but that's not happening, especially if she makes no effort in school!

Please help with suggestions and comments.

Purple Hug Bunny ↓

Mon, Sep 19 2005, 8:35 pm

I think you need to set up a time for doing homework, and you give a consequence if she isnt doing it, for example homeword is done from 5-5:45, and until she hasnt done it, she cant do a/thing else.. I think it would also be helpful if you tell her that you will follow up on it and call the teacher and ask her what the assignments for today are.. then approach her about it. like, your teacher told me you have a chumash test tomorrow, or did you study for your chumah test? then she might get shocked if she sees you know what she has to do and it might be harder for her to come up with a lie on the spot.

Tefila

Mon, Sep 19 2005, 8:39 pm

Quote:

My 11 year old dd just will do anything to avoid her homework

.
Sounds like me maaany years ago embarrassed

Listen try incentives, rewards etc not worth fighting her tooth and nail b/c u can create a hostile enviorenment which noone wants.
The teachers and principal r on her case so why you too. What

Try to give her extra attention and tell her when she does do well how proud you r. Cheers

Hatzlacha this too will pass...... speaking from experiance Tongue Out

TzenaRena ↓

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 10:11 am

Not Yet a Mommy,
Your advice is great! If you teach you are probably one great teacher. You seem to understand kids very well, unless you were looking through my diningroom (a.k.a. homework room) window Twisted Evil

My son has a habit ( another one of those Rolling Eyes

) of "forgetting" to do his homework and remembering at breakfast time in a panic (he needs me to sign and he didn't even do it!) five minutes before he leaves, shock

I finally told him I would not sign things anymore when it's time to go. And I am also not letting him go to play at friend's house or outside after school till he does his homework..

Now he does his homework first thing as soon as he gets home LOL

so that he can go over to his friend! He didn't need any other "motivation".

Last edited by TzenaRena on Tue, Sep 20 2005, 10:26 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ TzenaRena ↓

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 10:24 am

Rochel Leah wrote:

I just read in a parenting magazine where someone said they did homework with their kids in the morning, they wake up a little earlier , the kids are more fresh and awake then. in the afternoon they are tired , and had enough of school and learning.

We do that too. My early bird daughter often wakes up around 6:00, gets dressed and says brochos first, then does her homework diligently and happily, somehow managing very well without my help.[I'm in dreamland then. ( At night she seems more fazed, and thinks she can't do it. I think that by morning the deadline leaves her no choice, so she gets practical)].
Also with tests; she usually gets good marks when she studies this way! But she does start on it the night before, and quits when she gets tired.

↑ TzenaRena ↓

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 10:42 pm

elisecohen wrote:

Could you get her a private tutor after school? That could give her a taste of homeschooling, and at the same time be very helpful in its own right. I had this sort of problem with my daughter ( who is interestingly in the same age group as yours) other years. She would forget about tests, forget to write down homework in the special homework notebook etc.

I took a lovely young lady to tutor her twice(or sometimes once)a week, and her interest and performance picked up immediately. She enjoyed learning with her tutor. One of the main things the tutor helped her with was to guide her with doing her current homework, and/or studying for tests.

It would not have worked the same if I was the one helping her. She looked forward eagerly to her special time with her special tutor.

I did this again the following year, and my daughter started becoming a more involved student. She began to study on her own,do her homework without needing to be nudged, and generally did much better. Very Happy

↑ elisecohen ↓

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 4:39 am

It's alovely idea, but we don't have the $. Tutoring here costs $5-60/hr. And no, an older child isn't available for less because of course they're still in school and then have their own homework.

She homeschooled for 3 years until last year. She basically doesn't like the extra responsibility of being in school. Socially, no problem, it's just the expectations. HSing was easier because it took less time, no homework, and Mommy was always on top of what the assignments were!

Rivk

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 5:24 am

I may be alone in my opinion here, (and I have no school age children yet) but I don't think anyone can motivate her but herself. If she doesn't do her homework why not let it be her own problem and suffer the consequences (bad grades, angry teacher, embarrassing moments, etc.) Of course, be compassionate, but let it be her own problem. I think she'll get the message, and she won't hate you for it because there is no power struggle. Good luck!

↑ TzenaRena

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 7:07 am

elisecohen wrote:

It's a lovely idea, but we don't have the $. Tutoring here costs $5-60/hr.

That is very, very steep! I was paying $10 an hour for a 12th grade HS girl. Even that was hard for me.

Quote:

And no, an older child isn't available for less because of course they're still in school and then have their own homework.

In BRHS there is a requirement that the girls choose between tutoring, or other chesed activities once or twice a week. The HS girls get paired up with young elementary students who's parents have called to ask for this service. The tutor comes to the girl's home after school, at whatever time they arrange. My HS daughter did this all last year entirely for free.

Could you inquire whether the High Schools in your area have such a program? Or maybe there is an in-school program I.e. Big and Little Sisters on the same idea.

And if there isn't, maybe you could get something started Exclamation

↑ elisecohen

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 7:50 am

At the school, there is a program but it costs $ of course. I can check with the public schools I suppose--hadn't thought of that. But the truth is that she doesn't actually need tutoring. She is very bright, no learning disabilities, etc. Last year we let her just do her own thing to see if she wouldn't be motivated by the fear of failure--and she just went ahead and failed. Got a D- in math even though she got a-a+ on every test because she never did any homework and never took some of the chapter tests (the teacher let them pace themselves). She only got the D- instead of an F because the teacher pushed her at the end of the year. Same in Navi and limudei kodesh, English etc. She is a terrific reader but never hands in book reports and so on.

She is not depressed--I mean, she actually suffers from bipolar disorder, so we have a very close eye on that. She really isn't, that's not the problem.

I don't know what consequences to give her. She doesn't have any social or athletic activities right now she'd really mind missing. I don't really see threatening to take away her books. She doesn't get computer time except 1/2 hr a week nor does she watch TV at all.

I'm really just at a loss.

And yes, she is in counselling--in fact she goes tonight and DH will bring this up with the psychologist.