Is this tacky? | Imamother

justforfun87 ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:24 pm

Fine, I won't go anon so feel free to roast me. My husband and I stayed with friends recently for two nights. It was just us and them. We all went out for dinner on the last night to a burger place. We offered to treat them for hosting us. The wife went ahead and ordered a rib-eye for 60 dollars when mostly everything was 25 dollars. There were 3 things on the menu around 60 and the rest in the 20 dollar range. I am annoyed. Make me feel better about it please Smile

BrisketBoss

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:26 pm

You are right. That was bad manners. You never pick the most expensive things when you are being treated.

I offer validation, hope that's a good start!

BokerTov ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:26 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

They hosted you for free and you are annoyed she ordered something for $35 more than the other options?
$35 is a bargain for a 2 night hotel. Wink

(Not roasting, just giving you another perspective)

Last edited by BokerTov on Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

vintagebknyc ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:27 pm

Let's just say it wasn't thoughtful. (My mother always taught me to wait for the people who were paying to choose items, and find something in that price range.)

vicki

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:34 pm

Since you're the one asking I would say, imagine she was looking forward to a good steak the whole day. Then you offered to pay. She wanted that steak and would have been happy to pay herself but at that point it would be weird to offer to pay herself.
If she were to ask, obviously I would say not to buy the most expensive thing at someone else's expense.
My husband has been known to order the most expensive fish davka if someone else is paying. It's honestly, so embarrassing. His answer is something to the tune of, well they want me to enjoy, right?
And if someone mentions it jokingly, the host always agrees, opening the door for him to do this again next time. <Facepalm>

watergirl ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:37 pm

BokerTov wrote:

They hosted you for free and you are annoyed she ordered something for $35 more than the other options?
$35 is a bargain for a 2 night hotel. Wink

(Not roasting, just giving you another perspective)

I'm sure this is what the friend was thinking, but OMG no. It's just bad manners to do that.

↑ justforfun87 ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:40 pm

vicki wrote:

Haha, she probably felt like your husband did. I doubt she would have bought it for herself. It made me think of my in laws who treat a single friend of theirs out who always order bronzino and a BOTTLE of wine. To me it was so tacky but yes we would have spent more on a hotel.

↑ vintagebknyc ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:44 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, question:
Did you bring a gift for the hostess upon arrival?
IMHO it is relevant information

Disagree, etiquette isn't tit for tat

Reality ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:45 pm

Are you sure your friend isn't on imamother? That can be pretty tacky too.

On topic, it wasn't the nicest but seeing as you just spent two nights for free in their house and probably ate there as well, I wouldn't sweat the extra $30 spent.

↑ BokerTov ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:47 pm

watergirl wrote:

I'm sure this is what the friend was thinking, but OMG no. It's just bad manners to do that.

Right. I wouldn’t suggest anyone should do that and neither would I ever do that. But being that OP was the guest for free in this case, it helps to look at it this way. Small price to pay for a 2 night stay.

↑ justforfun87 ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:55 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, question:
Did you bring a gift for the hostess upon arrival?
IMHO it is relevant information

Nope! Thanks! you are right, I should have. Smile

↑ justforfun87 ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:56 pm

Reality wrote:

Not observant in the slightest and would have no clue this site exists. Kept it vague just in case I am wrong. Although ordering the ribeye may be too specific of detail.

↑ BokerTov

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 12:57 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Nope! Thanks! you are right, I should have. Smile

You and your friend are just right for each other! Laugh

You’re fully comfortable staying there without bringing anything and she’s fully comfortable ordering anything on the menu on your account.🤷‍♀️

Last edited by BokerTov on Tue, Jan 18 2022, 1:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

Mermaidinexile

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 1:01 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Nope! Thanks! you are right, I should have. Smile

Yes, OP it is rude and tacky but, whatever don't begrudge the her the steak. And moving forward, never come to someone's house empty-handed. Also tacky.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 1:01 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Nope! Thanks! you are right, I should have. Smile

Ahhh ok. So see this as your gift to her and let it go. Next time bring a gift Smile

heidi

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 1:05 pm

We once hosted a large family for a week.
They brought a beautiful gift and insisted on replacing all groceries that they used for breakfast.
They insisted on treating us to dinner. The host ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, first.
Now that's a class act.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 1:05 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Disagree, etiquette isn't tit for tat

Its about the whole picture.
Extreme Example. Not personal, just as an example: a certain couple more or less invites themselves for overnights. I am the hostess and in the end I cave in. Dh and the man used to be best friends until they married and moved away. I'm not that crazy about the other woman, we don't have much in common.
I tend to all their needs more and above. I cleaned the guest room. I made the beds with fresh linen and towels. I cooked better food than usually. I made a lot of things that I usually wouldn't have done.
If it's expected in the circles to receive a hostess gift and there is none, you bet I will order that expensive steak. Especially if I know the couple is kind of stingy.