When you don't like a student

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok wow! Hi, everyone.
Seems like my post was very triggering for some of you. Maybe you were mistreated by a teacher as a child? Or maybe you have children who were?

I think we all know that adults can and must control their behavior regardless of their emotions. Of course I try my best every day to TREAT all of my students lovingly and patiently. I hope very much that I've never shown dislike. It's something that I want to work on internally.

It's interesting to me that so many of you believe that a teacher who is aware of her deficiencies and is trying to work on them should quit teaching. Do you honestly believe that all teachers who "should be" teaching naturally like all their students' personalities? Do YOU naturally like all people, without working on yourself? Why would that be a realistic expectation?

Teaching is a profession that requires a more flexible personality since you are dealing with many students and personalities for long periods of your time.

Some people are more suited for this than others.

Just like some people enjoy working alone, others prefer working with adults. And that is fine.

Children are growing and are fragile, it requires a lot of love, patience, sensitivity and flexibility to teach children and be around children all day.

tp3 ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:17 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

I’m a teacher and what I meditate on is exactly this. Rachmanus leads to love. So I literally will write down a list of all the reasons this girls has things going against her and why she’s need to be pitied and then think about how my small gestures of love acceptance and attention can have a big impact. OBVIOUSLY I don’t show pity TO her. It’s just a tool to awaken within me love for EVERY student.

Eta sometimes they come from the best home and have the best parenting. I don’t jump to judge parents. But just the fact that they’re winny makes them less loveable, and being less love able is already a reason to feel rachmanas for them.

Thank you

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:22 pm

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

I just want to point out that I can remember having this struggle (again, an internal struggle that I try very hard to not let manifest on the outside...) with 3 students in 9 years of teaching.

And with the other 2 I did succeed in getting to the point of liking them by about the middle of the year. (The third is a current student and I was hoping for some advice as the struggle is ongoing...)

Yes it would be great if I were perfect. But without even seeing me in the classroom how are you so sure this utterly disqualifies me from teaching?

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:24 pm

I still remember a teacher who told us that when she was a young teacher teaching in elementary, she used to take some time every single day (I guess when the kids were doing quiet work or something?) and take a minute to focus on each girl and think of one thing that she liked about her.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:33 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I love that. Beautiful idea

amother

↑ DarkRed

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I didn't disqualify you.

I only pointed out that some people are more suited than others. I don't know you at all to make any assumptions about you.

the world's best mom

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:43 pm

A teacher who dislikes a child cannot be a good teacher for that child. Hiding it won't help. Learning to like the child- no, to love the child- is the only way. Every child is a Tzelem Elokim and has loveable things about them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find them.

dankbar ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:57 pm

You could teach those students when they want something to use their words instead of whine.
Teach them to be assertive instead of whine when others are hurting them or both want the same thing & fighting.
The ones that feel helpless & frustrated with the work, you can build their confidence, tell them they are capable, not give up, instead of complain.
Students that need teachers attention whole time & everything now, you can tesch them patience, to await their turn & give a chance for others.
You could do all these in a loving posituve manner not in a critical manner or with a cynical attitude

amother

NeonOrange

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 2:03 pm

My goal for all my students is that they should feel like I love them and think the world of them. When I have a particularly challenging student, I go out of my way to give give give them. I compliment them extra and pick them for special jobs in the classroom. I make sure to give them lots of positive attention. All the giving to them breeds loving them. I find that when they feel that their teacher loves them and the teacher has a real connection with them then a lot of the negative behaviors that were causing the challenge somehow disappear!

amother

Tiffanyblue ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 2:14 pm

I've been a teacher for a while and never had a student I don't like. I've had lots of challenging students and students that took a lot out of me but I love all of them. When a child enters my classroom I make a commitment never to give up on them and I do whatever I can to connect to each student in some way.

tigerwife

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 2:45 pm

Read the thread about women who don’t forgive their teachers many years later. It’s quite sobering.

Look at your students with compassion. It’s not easy being in school. Your goal is not to command respect and power, your goal is to reach their hearts and open their minds. If there is one particular student that triggers dislike, remind yourself it’s not about you. Love her (love is a verb) a little extra to combat the negative feelings. Smile at her, encourage her, sympathize with her problems. It’s true that if there is a deeper issue, it may never feel like it’s enough. But never let your negative feelings shine through. It is your job to help her, not her job to make your year easier.

Good luck!

carnation

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 3:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We all have those things that get under our skin. For me it's whining, neediness, and immaturity. What do you do to help yourself like those students that you just don't like?

Have you read the book on the enneagram? That system made me to love every person. It shows 9 different types and each type can be healthy, average or unhealthy. It guided me in how to help the child become healthier emotionally and what they need emotionally. Once the child is healthier they will be less of a nudge etc. Building up the child is very rewarding and can leave an everlasting impact on her. In short, view this challenge as an amazing opportunity for you.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 3:38 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

You must be an extraordinary teacher. Every child deserves to be treated like this!

pause

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 4:47 pm

Zehava wrote:

Plenty teachers can handle the aforementioned things. This is literally what little/preteen/teen girls are about. At least a percentage of them.

There is a severe shortage of teachers across the tri-state area. I don't know of "plenty of teachers" anymore. If she's otherwise qualified to teach, and she's actively working on herself to improve the areas she's lacking, good for her and good for her students!