When you don't like a student

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amother

OP ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:21 pm

We all have those things that get under our skin. For me it's whining, neediness, and immaturity. What do you do to help yourself like those students that you just don't like?

amother

Green

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We all have those things that get under our skin. For me it's whining, neediness, and immaturity. What do you do to help yourself like those students that you just don't like?

Omg
I feel bad for those students
If you teach you need to be very very careful about this
Please

amother

Cerise

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:29 pm

Good Grief! Dear Morah, if your student is whiny and needy, she NEEDS attention and is clearly not getting it at home. Give her love and attention and positive reinforcement. This is your JOB and it's possibly the most important job in the world. If you won't do this, quit and make space for someone who will.

flowerpower

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:31 pm

Whatever you do, don’t let it show. Work on blocking it out the same way you would as a mom. Some kids are just annoying..

Chayalle

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:33 pm

Give her responsibilities. Send her to the office to get more chalk or do whatever errands you need. Make her feel like she wants to please you and be more mature. Get on her good side.

I had an incredible 6th grade teacher. I must have been the biggest nudnick on the planet, but she did so much for me building me up. She used to take me aside to compliment me. And she was a young first-time inexperienced Morah. She was amazing.

amother

Hibiscus

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:36 pm

Work on helping them with these issues that you find annoying. Be patient. Remember they are young and still learning.

amother

Ghostwhite

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:39 pm

Dear Teacher,
Be tolerant. My kid had to find a different school this year because he needed to repeat the year and the previous teacher refused to take him back.

amother

Maroon ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:41 pm

Just heard an interesting angle about this.

Find something in her you can respect and focus on it.

Maybe shes very put together, is motivated, is nice to her friends, whatever. Keep thinking "wow, she is so...". It will help you work on your feelings toward her.

Your goal isn't to like her as much as you may like some other kids. Your goal is to respect her just as much. And of course you can't show the fact that you like her less than others. She gets the same treatment as everyone.

(My husband heard this In a teaching courses this week from R' Kalish from Waterbury.)

Zehava ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We all have those things that get under our skin. For me it's whining, neediness, and immaturity. What do you do to help yourself like those students that you just don't like?

You quit teaching

amother

↑ Maroon

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:42 pm

Zehava wrote:

You quit teaching

Then we would have no teachers. It would take someone with perfect Middos to not be like this to some extent.

↑ Zehava

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:43 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Then we would have no teachers. It would take someone with perfect Middos to not be like this to some extent.

Plenty teachers can handle the aforementioned things. This is literally what little/preteen/teen girls are about. At least a percentage of them.

amother

Leaf

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We all have those things that get under our skin. For me it's whining, neediness, and immaturity. What do you do to help yourself like those students that you just don't like?

You think about WHY they are whining, needy, and immature. Likely they're not getting good parenting at all, which is why they need you, the teacher, all the more.

amother

Dill

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:54 pm

amother [ Leaf ] wrote:

You think about WHY they are whining, needy, and immature. Likely they're not getting good parenting at all, which is why they need you, the teacher, all the more.

I’m a teacher and what I meditate on is exactly this. Rachmanus leads to love. So I literally will write down a list of all the reasons this girls has things going against her and why she’s need to be pitied and then think about how my small gestures of love acceptance and attention can have a big impact. OBVIOUSLY I don’t show pity TO her. It’s just a tool to awaken within me love for EVERY student.

Eta sometimes they come from the best home and have the best parenting. I don’t jump to judge parents. But just the fact that they’re winny makes them less loveable, and being less love able is already a reason to feel rachmanas for them.

polka dots

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:55 pm

I think the first step is to acknowledge your feeling. Some women on here will feel that you are won't allowed to think it.
The school hired humans for teachers and humans have flaws. They could hire robots he they want. Every teacher will find some student easier to connect with them others.
I think it is great for you to be aware that very needy and whiny students takes extra effort for you to bond with.
And because you know it you can now brainstorm ideas and work on it so that she should never chas vesholim feel that you like her any less and that you should truly build that connection.

Regards you can focus on her positive traits, maybe you can notice whenever she does something good and give her attention for it. Hopefully if you give her positive attention she won't kvetch so much.

Please ignore people who tell you your not good or you should leave teaching! You are aware of your shortcomings and you are reaching out for advice on how to be better. Thats what good teachers do!

amother

Bellflower

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 12:56 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Just heard an interesting angle about this.

Find something in her you can respect and focus on it.

This. I work in preschool and I definitely have students that are harder - more cranky, fight alot, wild and etc.... As soon as I find myself feeling unfavorably towards a student, I make sure to find something good in them (and EVERY student has something) to make my focus and think about whenever I have any interaction with that student. It really helps. I also try to put myself in the students place and help/give to them as much as I can. I always end up loving those students and they are the ones I sometimes will even think about years later hoping they are doing well....

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:02 pm

Honestly, this is sometimes why I get so frustrated with this site.

ALL HUMANS ARE IMPERFECT. We are all works in progress. People here seem to forget that and instantly judge.

Firstly, it is awesome that you notice and acknowledge your weaknesses and are actively seeking to improve! Who else if not someone like that should be teaching our children?

Second of all, there are a gajillion reasons a child can be needy. It does not automatically mean their parents are not giving them what they need.

The fact that everyone automatically went in these two directions, really ticked me off. It is small minded and unconstructive.

Last edited by amother on Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Peach

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:02 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

Good God! Dear Morah, if your student is whiny and needy, she NEEDS attention and is clearly not getting it at home. Give her love and attention and positive reinforcement. This is your JOB and it's possibly the most important job in the world. If you won't do this, quit and make space for someone who will.

Op described my DD. Are you her teacher?

Sure gets A LOT of attention at home. She's the oldest of a smallish family. She has everything going for her. Including lots of positive attention. She's just the type that has an unsatiable need for adult attention. More needy that typical.
It's hard and sad that she doesn't ever feel full.

Just be kind to her. Try to ignore the neediness and fill her up. I believe one day sheik iyh feel ful. Enough.
If you can't then yes, please quit.

Her teacher 3 years ago couldn't stand her personality. (Absent-minded professor doodling-in-class-looks-like-shes-spaced-out but actually absorning the lesson and knowing her work type of student. Also very artistic) I the classroom. Very need and kvetchy. She came into that class full of confidence and excitement to learn new stuff. She LOVES learning like I've never seen. Came out with self confidence so low it was underground.... the next year she was struggling so bad academically she needed the resources room help to keep up. She had no motivation. No drive. No excitement b
That year I tried working with the teacher. The principal. The teacher refused to admit there was a problem in the classroom.

It was a lot if tears hard work and $$$ to see her thriving again. She doing great this year. No more "I don't want to go to school"
She actually gets her school work done in school. Reviews her stuff before a rest. If she gets not such a good gr!de She'll reveiw her answers to see where she we wrong. It's such a nachas.

With all that, there are still some residual stuff that has affected her very deeply. That year she was so down she ended up as the neighborhood scapegoat. The bullying is still an issue. Bh in school she is doing great socially. THANK YOU HASHEM.

amother

DarkRed ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:03 pm

Each student has a different personality and has nothing to do with parenting most of the time.

The goal here is to respect the student and remember they are still growing, some take more time to become mature.

Sometimes a new baby in the house makes them more needy, or that's how they are.

We should be like Aharon, love peace and search for peace, every Jewish neshama is very special to Hashem, you are dealing with diamonds!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:04 pm

Ok wow! Hi, everyone.
Seems like my post was very triggering for some of you. Maybe you were mistreated by a teacher as a child? Or maybe you have children who were? If that's the case, I'm very sorry for what you went through, AND I hope you can separate this question from your experience. They are not necessarily the same.

I think we all know that adults can and must control their behavior regardless of their emotions. Of course I try my best every day to TREAT all of my students lovingly and patiently. I hope very much that I've never shown dislike. It's something that I want to work on internally.

It's interesting to me that so many of you believe that a teacher who is aware of her deficiencies and is trying to work on them should quit teaching. Do you honestly believe that all teachers who "should be" teaching naturally like all their students' personalities? Do YOU naturally like all people, without working on yourself? Why would that be a realistic expectation?

amother

Hosta

Fri, Oct 29 2021, 1:09 pm

amother [ Ghostwhite ] wrote:

Dear Teacher,
Be tolerant. My kid had to find a different school this year because he needed to repeat the year and the previous teacher refused to take him back.

When a kid repeats a grade it's best to do so with a different teacher.
If the teacher couldn't get your kid up to par last year, it's likely she won't be able to do it the next year either.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 1:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

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