Is vacation a "need" or a "want'?

amother

↑ Brown ↓

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 6:20 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Its a want I grew up having a really nice childhood without going on many vacations...
Our vacation time was spent going to camp, younger going to the zoo, parks, on hikes exploring outdoors within an hour from our home... the big trip was going to my relatives in brooklyn for a week and getting kosher pizza, restaurants and the Jewish shops... I remember those trips as really exciting:)

We aren’t talking about kids, we are talking about specifically moms getting a break.

amother

Burgundy ↓

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 11:52 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Sometimes it's the cheapest option, such as cheaper than a divorce or cheaper than a nervous breakdown. It also depends on how the vacation is paid for.

If going to Florida for a few days keeps someone from divorcing,
then the marriage couldn’t have been too bad.

I really dislike when people say these things. “it’s cheaper than therapy..... bla bla”
If you really need therapy, go for therapy! Three days in Bahamas will not help, it will just push off the help that’s really needed.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 12:00 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

NO ITS NOT. For many it is a NEED. Their lives are full of stress and pressures, and if they don’t get a break, they may very well crack, or worse.

Do you really know someone that cracked but wouldn’t have if she went to Florida for 3 days?

You think A couple of days in Florida would have stopped someone from committing Suicide?

Absolutely Nothing is wrong with going. But why all these excuses?
Who do you have to answer to?

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 12:04 am

It’s a want but I still believe in self care.
Take shortcuts at home for a day or 2 when you feel you need a break. Treat yourself to some take out food, some ice cream... If a friend or family invites you to come for shabbos, take advantage and go. Small things can take you a long way. Buy yourself something that will make you feel good whatever it may be- a new set of linen, purse, sweater... look for something on sale and indulge once in a while. You don’t have to get on a plane and go far away for a few days to feel good.
At some point in your life I’m sure you will but don’t think that it’s something you absolutely have to do right now.

amother

↑ Brown ↓

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 12:26 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

I honestly don’t care what you or anyone else think. What bothers me is that you and others are deciding what people they don’t know need. You don’t know what anyone else’s life is like, no matter how much you think you do.
Why does it bother you so much that other people see something as a need, when you don’t? What difference does it make to you if someone else sees going away for a few days as a need?

amother

↑ Brown

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 12:29 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

How is it that suddenly from January to February thousands of Frum ladies feel ready to crack at the same time?
Why isn’t anyone crackin Pesach time? Makes more sense to loose it then.

I don’t know about others, but for me it’s that my kids have been in school for so long, and the monotony of winter gets to me. I’m not originally from NY, and no matter how long I live here, I will never get used to it. Pesach is already the end of the end of the school year, so summer is a break from the monotony, and we also try to go away at the end of the summer. I try to go away alone for a few days in January or February, and then we go away with the kids after camp before school. It’s every 6 months or so.

amother

↑ Burgundy ↓

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 1:32 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Here on imamother we like to answer questions.
Op asked a question.
You answered,
I answered,
as did others.
These are all JUST opinions.

↑ lamplighter

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 4:26 am

honestly the answer is irrelevant unless its on the back of others.
If others will have to step in and babysit your kids or you will need tzedaka to pay for it etc then defining a normally labeled want as a need is concerning.
There are select circumstances in which a mother may need a serious break and I would consider donating for it but again it's not up there with food or medical bills. Its like up there with a cleaning lady.

↑ FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 5:43 am

So many good points of view on this thread! It just goes to show that wants and needs can vary widely.

I remember when DD was a baby. Just having someone hold her while I took a hot shower until the water ran out was a vacation! Being able to go to the bathroom without a toddler pounding on the door is a vacation. Booking a mikvah appointment and taking the full hour to soak in a tub and take your own sweet time doing preps is a vacation.

Getting away for a weekend with your DH can be a vacation. Taking all the kids do Disneyland can be a vacation.

Getting take-away sushi and sitting in a quiet park by yourself can be a vacation.

Do you want it, or do you need it? For some it's a need, for some it's a want. I want sushi, but I don't need it enough to justify buying the minimum amount to qualify for delivery. I'll live somehow! Wink

The main thing, is be honest with yourself, and be realistic. If you have a bad back, a full time job, and 10 kids, you NEED a cleaning lady. If you are fit, and have 3 kids, and don't need to work outside the house, you don't NEED a cleaning lady, but there's nothing wrong with wanting one.

I just bought some new eyeshadows. I didn't NEED them, but I wanted them. I don't even go anywhere hardly! They just make me happy, and when I do my face it makes me feel nice. It's like a tiny vacation, me time, or whatever you want to call it. Will I stop breathing without new eye shadow? Of course not.

I don't feel guilty at all for spending $10 for a palette, because it's in my budget right now. If I were at a desperate point in my life where I needed tzedaka, then I'd feel guilty, because it shouldn't be a priority. Food and rent come first.

Everything is relative.

May Hashem grant all of us the parnossa to get what we need, and may we have the wisdom to know the difference between need and want.

Raisin

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 6:41 am

Definitely a want. But everyone needs a break. I read this great article (from the Ami iirc) recently by a mother of 12 children who gives herself a break peridoically. She doesn't go anywhere, she tells herself she is in Florida for the week and does no laundry, cooking etc.

Great idea for those of us who can't travel now.

Needs: air, water, food, shelter, love and companianship, intellectual stimulation, a break here and now (am I missing anything?)

Wants: everything else.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 6:43 am

To us a vacation means a visit to family who lives far away. That's a need because it's more about the visit than the trip.
For a single mother who's burnt out, a chance to recharge might be a need. For a mother who's doing fine, it might only be a want.

For a family with kids home all summer, it may be a need to keep everyone busy and safe, or they may be able to do that otherwise, making it a want.

It very much depends on circumstances

zaq ↓

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 8:51 am

Define "vacation". If by this you mean a sightseeing or sporting trip to a foreign country or across the country and eating in restaurants, it's definitely a want, not a need. If you mean taking a break from your work routine and pursuing relaxing and fun activities--whether across the ocean or across town-- for which you don't normally have the leisure, it's a need.

↑ southernbubby ↓

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 9:08 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

Possibly the couple who gets away for a few days to strengthen the marriage will have a better marriage as a result and won't get to the point of considering divorce. Maybe a therapist would advise a person who has too much stress to spend time and money for some relaxation.
I agree with you that if the marriage is already in the process of dissolving or the person is already in the throes of a nervous breakdown, three days in Florida probably won't make a difference.