Need ideas on NOT raising a snob!!!!

amother ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:15 pm

My daughter is 6 has always been unsociable to new faces and old except if it's her friends or I have been on top of her each time! All I want her to do is acknowledge when someone says hello to her whats your name and good shabbos and not look throughthem making them feel like 2 cents for having asked..
Both my husband and I are so not like that neither the rest of our kids. I do not want her to grow into adulthood that way since there are adults like that Mad

. What do I do HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP What

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:16 pm

why is she doing htat?? people are snobs usually because they have low self esttem, or are shy..... why do u think she is acting snoby? is that what she is learning is cool in school? is she getting negative attention from u for it? does she need attention more positivly??

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:29 pm

Original poster here, she is shy! o I don't need her to start a greeting nor get into a conversation but just to acknowledge when addressed by other adults etc , not strangers too mind you

Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:48 pm

I third it.
She is shy and don't push her. She will mature in due time!

and please, oh please don't label a six years old as a snob Sad

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:52 pm

Original here Wink

how do those snobby adults appear then?Ot of nowhere,it just happens?

↑ Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 10:56 pm

amother wrote:

Original here Wink

how do those snobby adults appear then?Ot of nowhere,it just happens?

well actually some snobby adults are indeed shy themselves and not snobby at all.

but even those that are. Just because there are snobby adults doesn't mean your six year old will be like them.
Its natural for a six year old to behave the way you describe. Its your job to teach her the polite way to behave, but it's not necessary to worry or be concerned at this stage that she is becoming a snob.

greenfire ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:00 pm

children learn what they live ...

don't expect so much from youngens ... be tender and kind ... you cannot force her to say hello ...

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:01 pm

In one post you wrote

Quote:

She is shy and don't push her.

and now you wrote

Quote:

Its your job to teach her

My question to all of you is HOW and at what point should I let it be Confused

grin

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:07 pm

I think snobs learn it at home. If you say that the rest of your kids arent' like that and that it bothers you a lot - I don't think she's learning to be a snob.
She's just shy and kids learn by example, so she'll grow up learning from your good example. give her time to mature on her own. don't force her to speak up; that may make it worse. Maybe try to help her out gently by asking her if she wants your help greeting people. If she says no, leave it be - bezrat Hsahem she'll outgrow it by herself in time.

↑ Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:12 pm

amother wrote:

In one post you wrote

Quote:

She is shy and don't push her.

and now you wrote

Quote:

Its your job to teach her

My question to all of you is HOW and at what point should I let it be Confused

what I mean is don't force her.

Gently show her by setting an example.
Make a point to say "hello, how are you?" to people and she will learn by observation.

ss321

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:14 pm

amother wrote:

Original here Wink

how do those snobby adults appear then?Ot of nowhere,it just happens?

totally no connection. I live in a very "snobby" neighborhood and I dont think it has to do with how you are at age SIX. maybe teenage years, but even then, some quiet girls (who people may percieve as snobby, even in high school), end up turning into sweet wonderful women

shes six, shes shy, I dont think it means shell be a snob at all Smile

just bring her up in a happy home, dont encourage mean-ness or snobbiness Smile

MommyLuv

Sat, Feb 09 2008, 11:28 pm

why do you keep calling this behaviour 'snobby'? Tongue Out

She's SIX years old. She doesnt have her etiquette book memorized quite yet....

I think being a good example of friendliness, good social skills and manners is the best way to show her.

Mimisinger

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 4:07 am

There's a huge difference between being shy and a snob. Leave the girl alone. Also, find a way to get her involved in groups with things she's interested in, it will help her come out of her shell - art classes, dance whatever, she'll open up there.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 10:07 am

we have to accept people the way they are. most adults who are mature realize that when someone appears snobby maybe they are just shy.... if your child is shy trying to make her change her presonality will make her not only shy but also self coonsious

↑ greenfire

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 10:13 am

I think personalities are engrained even in utero ... but I do believe she sounds shy ... pushing her will only make her self-esteem insecure ...

as estis said - guide her by example ...

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 10:21 am

OP,

I don't mean to make you nervous, but your daughter sounds exactly like me as a child. I would refuse to respond when greeted, even by my teacher. My mother would always try so hard to get me to be polite, but I just wouldn't do it.

As an adult, I still don't like social events (although I have a few friends) and hate making phone calls and greeting people who I don't know. And yes, I have been accused of being a snob (more as a child than an adult).

Anyway, it turns out that I have a mild form of Autism. If this is her only difficulty, then I wouldn't worry about it, but if she has other social difficulties, I think that it would pay to get her evaluated.

↑ Lechatchila Ariber

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 1:16 pm

um...I think we are jumping the gun here.

amother, please don't project your personal situation on others. Tones of 6 year olds behave that way, to jump and say they should get evaluated for autism sounds rather far fetched to me.

happymom ↓

Sun, Feb 10 2008, 1:18 pm

it didnt sound to me like she said that. she is just sharing her story to show how its not a snob issue but personality or other issue.