Feeling down for breaking my fast.

amother

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:22 am

I know around every fast day there's a thread about this, and every time I think of OP as kind of stupid or childish or someone having limited vision or whatever.
I'm pregnant with history of preterm labor. I spoke to my doctor about fasting and he said it's totally okay to try, and gave me some guidelines about if and when to break it. At the same time, my husband asked our Rabbi (he figured it's good to know our options before) and the Rabbi said I don't need to fast, I can attempt if I want to but I must break it if I feel light headed or nauseous or anything. I made up in my mind that I'll fast overnight, try until chatzos, but after that not put in any effort, play by ear.
That was last Sunday. Wednesday I was feeling very not well (was actually taken into hospital). Husband and mom both said that's it you're not fasting. I kind of agreed with them knowing it's the right thing. But this week I'm feeling a lot better bh so decided to go back to original plan of fasting until chatzos.
I did that and now brushed my teeth and had coffee and a Kind bar. Feeling extremely ugh about it. As much as I know it's not my job to fast right now, and that I did have rabbinical guidance, I still feel like I could've pulled thru. The real reason I broke it is because I knew if I don't and go into labor I'd always be blaming myself (and so would hubby and mom but the self blame would kill me most).
If you've been here and would take the time to respond, I'd appreciate it. If you haven't been here, that's fine but I don't really want your response, because before I was in this position I felt very differently about it. (Before it was all brain and logic, now it's the emotion of first time eating on a major fast.)

I think a reason this is so big for me is because I'm not very connected to mourning the bais hamikdosh, and I'm not going to listen to a shuir or do anything else to make me feel connected. I feel like I had one sense of somehow being connected to the loss and just in general of being part of my tribe mourning and I lost it.

ETA-29 weeks pregnant (about to start seventh month).

amother

Black

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:26 am

I feel you, hugs!
I’m 5.5 weeks now and at a really nauseous and weak stage. I was told I could break my fast if I’m not feeling well. I couldn’t make it through the night... know you’re the doing the right thing for you and your baby Hug

Thisisnotmyreal

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:27 am

I read that a person not fasting should give the amount of a meal to Tzedaka.

ETA it's a pretty effortless Mitzvah and in general we give Tzedaka instead of fasting nowadays.

Last edited by Thisisnotmyreal on Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:29 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Rose

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:28 am

Had the same thing this morning. Broke my fast and cried and cried while drinking and eating. In a way- at those moments I felt more connected to the fast than ever before.
Since you’re not fasting you might even have the energy to listen to one shiur, watch one video, or just sit quietly and think of all th sadness in the world.
I really do understand how you feel Sad

tichellady

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:30 am

I didn’t fast when nine months pregnant on tisha bav. Not worth the risk and unknown and not realistic for you to be able to gage exactly what’s going on with you and your body and Determining when you need to break it etc .I didn’t eat for over 24 hours when in labor so I figure that made up for it 😀

amother

Mauve ↓

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:33 am

13 weeks pregnant here and BH doing ok I think. I tend to throw up at night, and last night I threw up twice after the fast started. I debated breaking my fast but then went to sleep. Now I'm okay but I might have to break it soon. I'm usually a really good faster and it's really weird to me not to fast so I'm trying to hold that as long as I could.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:33 am

Not fasting. But in my circles it’s very normal for pregnant/ nursing women not to fast. I’m in my eighth month.

You just do what’s right. Is your Special Mitzvah not to fast. Vnishmartem is a very important Mitzvah especially you now have another life involved.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:49 am

tichellady wrote:

Thanks for your post this is more or less the thought pattern I am struggling with now, 9 months and fasting - agonizing over gagging unfortunately having some trouble connecting to day- to be so sad you dont want to eat is such a beautiful concept, b"h I haven't experienced personal loss in my lifetime that echos that, mostly in the sad I don't know how to be so sad madraga.
OP- re connecting to day, maybe it would help to think about ways to connect?
how would it feel to be pregnant then?
I Mostly think of more recent wars, holocaust, but also siege of Jerusalem --- or to be a woman at all in those times-- totally terrifying thought, makes it more real for me.

Hatzlach! And whatever you decided whatever you might have done do not feel guilty! You made the best decision you felt was right for you

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 12:02 pm

Wouldn’t you do anything in the world for your kids? You did what’s right for your baby. Go you, Mama! ❤️

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 1:12 pm

I just broke my own fast about 15 minutes ago. 25 weeks pregnant. I was feeling pretty okay but I took a nap and I should have remembered from past fasts-- napping makes me feel so much worse!

Anyway, I woke up feeling so weak that I immediately thought to myself, that's it. I need to break my fast. It's not fair to my toddler and I should reserve strength for being able to take care of my pregnant self and her. I didn't really want to do it, but I knew I would just be in denial if I waited longer.

I felt a little guilty but I made sure to tell myself before the fast that I wouldn't be upset for having to break my fast if I needed to. Instead, like someone mentioned above, I'd try to channel some of that energy into doing something meaningful for the day. Not sure what yet, but thinking of listening to a shiur or exploring themikdash.com etc.

Don't feel down. Try to channel your energy in a different way. Fasting is not what Hashem wants of you, personally, at this moment.

amother

↑ Mauve

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 1:34 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

I don't know if I should break it or not. I am almost over that morning sickness stage (I HOPE) so it's much better than it was. I was ok basically, sitting on couch doing nothing. Got a bit nauseous before and threw up basically nothing. As long as I am busy I feel ok. (Rav said to break of don't feel well)

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 2:27 pm

I'm 30 weeks and was told by our rav unequivocally that I should NOT FAST. I have never been pregnant over tisha b'av before and have fasted every tisha b'av since before my bat mitzvah. It was very strange for me. I was thirsty even at night and I drank. I know that getting dehydrated can be really dangerous so I didn't feel guilty at all. Throughout the day I drank plenty of water and eventually got hungry and had an egg. I had more energy to daven and listen to shiurim than I would have otherwise had I been fasting. Overall I felt fine about the psak. I'm grateful that I was able to connect to the spirit of the day without compromising the pregnancy in any way. It felt a bit weird, but I feel that I did the right thing. (I'm in Israel, so the fast is already over here)
Good luck and DON'T feel bad!!
Hashem should bless you with a safe healthy third trimester and a healthy child!

amother

Sienna

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 3:03 pm

I'm 23 weeks and just broke fast. I think I got a few contractions and I'm like that's it! 1 h later I feel so much better. I tried my best but it's not worth an early baby