wedding gifts | Imamother

amother ↓

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:01 pm

I seem to be invited to so many weddings Baruch Hashem. I know weddings are expensive and I love to join the simcha, but I am a single mother with older children and can't afford the going rate for each wedding. I often wonder do they really want my company and want me to be mesameach no matter what the gift, or do I need to feel that no matter what, I have to come up with a sizeable gift if I go to the wedding.

Any suggestions?

mummiedearest

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:06 pm

buy in bulk on sale in advance?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:21 pm

Where do you get bulk? On sale, sometimes.

chocolate moose

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:22 pm

once upon a time I joined a book club and got vegetaria cookbooks.

can you bake something for the kiddush/sholom zochor instead?

by us, not evryone gives gifts anway.

trafficgal ↓

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:43 pm

once a year the school here does a chanukah extraviganza they sell some really nice things well below retail value and the school makes alot of $$

We always stock up on tzidaka box's and challah boards as well as some baby gifts... could you do something like that?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:45 pm

Oh, I forgot to say that in our circles we send a vort gift together for about $20 each. And then we help make things for the aufruf or Shabbos kallah. Then sometimes we are partners in sheva brachos in a restaurant, and then the wedding gift.

↑ trafficgal

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 6:09 pm

Wow I'd say if you cant afford it either speak to a rav in the community or dont go...

you can PM me I might beable to help you with bulk buying...

louche

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 10:00 am

In theory ppl invite you to a simcha for the pleasure or honor of your presence, not your presents. Give what you feel you can afford and accompany it with a beautifully worded note expressing your fond admiration of and best wishes for the couple. If possible, make some sort of meaningful play on words, like if you give them a pitcher, say “May Hashem pour out his blessings on you.” (OK, corny, but admit that wasn’t bad for the spur of the moment.) At one time I was in favor of making gifts myself, both to save on the cost (which usually backfired) as well as to give the couple something unique and memorable. Eventually I stopped this practice b/c most people have no clue how much time and effort goes into handcrafting gifts and wouldn’t appreciate it even if they knew. Now I make things only for those rare few people who do know and will appreciate. However, if you are good at some craft or other and can make something really nice for not much money, that may be an option for you. For example, someone I know takes the wedding invitation and creates a sort of framed still-life with romantic add-ons like scraps of lace, silk flowers, fake pearls, tiny photos of the couple, and ribbon. The initial investment was quite a bit because she had to buy all the materials and equipment like a glue gun, but once she had them, they were good for many invites. This is now her standard gift, and she can stock up on frames and other supplies when they’re on sale. She also sometimes recycles materials, such as lace cut from the bottom of a slip that was too long, beads from broken necklaces, ribbon from gift boxes, and so on

Whatever you do, go to the wedding, be mesameach, enjoy yourself, don’t apologize and don’t look back!

↑ amother

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 5:39 pm

What a wonderful reply and outlook on life. Thanks an awful lot.

sho770

Tue, Apr 01 2008, 10:40 am

If youÂ´re a single mom with kids, noone would be so heartless as to reproach you from not bringing anything.
I usually bring a nice card with a personnalized message or poem and maybe 50-100$, if at that time I can afford it - I mean, you already have to take into account your travel expenses, hairdresser (sheitl), nice clean clothes.

Then I try to always take with me a camera, and I try to make a few nice pictures of the chosson and kallah, after the huppah, and I send it later, together with the negatives - so they can make more copies of it if they want.
I myself got the nicest pictures from friends and family members, not from the photographer, unfortunately.
Pictures of the event are always appreciated.

yo'ma

Tue, Apr 01 2008, 10:52 am

I don't know about giving, but I got very few wedding gifts and it was understandable because pretty much the pple we invited had families to support and couldn't afford it. If you don't give a gift and they don't invite you to the next simcha, oh well, you don't want to be friends with them if they'd care about something so petty.