Behavior at school

tzatza ↓

Mon, Dec 31 2007, 11:26 am

BH, DS (1st grade) is a very bright boy. However, his teachers told us he has a habit of getting up in the middle of the class and talking to other children. Teacher insists we do behavioral testing, but I am very weary of it. Anyone had to deal with it?

leomom ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:11 am

I hear you. I'm also wary of testing for a first grader, because boys of that age (and older) have quite a hard time sitting still in general. School is a very artificial environment and it's not realistic to expect kids (especially boys) to sit still for very long. Great teachers put the students' energy to constructive use -- they get the kids up and moving as much as possible, and find ways to have the kids learn with their whole bodies. Obviously that's not always possible, but as much as it can be done, it helps.

Kids do need to learn how to sit for a little while and listen quietly, etc. But it's a matter of normal development and it can take a while for many kids to get that self-control. Meanwhile, it can be a problem if a student is extremely disruptive, but a teacher needs to balance the need for order with the needs of children to move and talk. It takes skill.

Personally, I have seen and heard of so many kids who were tested and medicated at such a young age... that yes, I would be cautious about testing. The only exception, in my opinion, would be if you see extremely disruptive behavior in your child at home, on playdates, etc., and an overall extreme lack of ability to control impulses (especially aggressive ones, rather than simple energetic playfulness that runs a bit amok).

Mimisinger ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:28 am

I wouldn't be wary of testing, but I would be wary of taking advice from one source. Get him tested, if they have valid reasoning and data to back it up. But, it's your decision whether or not to medicate, etc.

↑ leomom

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:34 am

The problem is that teachers are not psychologists or psychiatrists or any other kind of behavioral/medical professional. And the TEACHER is recommending testing -- which will very likely lead down a road to at least consider medicating, and may well lead to being pressured to medicate -- but she is basing this on her own needs (an orderly classroom).

So I agree, don't rely on one source. But don't rush to test, and don't think you will not be pressured to "treat" the problem... you may well be.

Use your own judgment NOW. How does your son behave in other contexts? Is he aggressive? Is he out of control? Or does he just have a hard time staying in his seat at school (which is really normal, and not a symptom of anything)?

↑ Mimisinger

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 12:37 am

Is the teacher saying that he's overactive? Having social issues? Just generally loud and disruptive? I guess it all depends on the teacher and what their background is. Why not visit his class? See for yourself what's going on.

timeout ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:26 am

wow u could be my twin!?!?!? My son who is also in First grade is having issues to I was told by the Yeshivah to get beahavioral testing as well.

He was tested and now tom. we will be meeting with everyone including the Rebbe and Principal to think of a strategy of how to help him in the classroom so things don't get worse.

If you're interested I'll give u the behavioral therapists # and info.

I know it's a horrible thing to say but I'm glad I'm not alone.

↑ timeout ↓

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:58 am

happy sitting in the class as his mother never works been there done that if an outsider who nobody knows sits in then you can get an accurate perspective as to what's really going on which is what I have done for the past 3 years.

This year in particular I had someone sit in right before Chanukah and he had wonderful things to say about the Rebbe and his devotion to trying to work with my son.

My son as compared to the class is finishing his work very fast and has ants in the pants as to how utilize his time after among other little things.

I've had him tested by anybody we could think of even the Board of Ed. they all say the same thing No ADHD No ADD yet something must be done being in a Yeshivah environment is harder in general for children since it's double curriculum and for the most part kids don't get GYM, Computers, Art, Music or other outlets for them.

↑ tzatza ↓

Fri, Jan 11 2008, 8:53 am

Thank you for your replies.
The puzzling part for me is that outside of school setting we never heard any complaints of him being "too active" or aggressive any more than an average boy of his age. According to his Rebbe, he "has hard time following school setting rules". Also, he seems to overreact sometimes to boys sayingsomething negative to him (instead of ignoring, he would push, let's say). He is our firstborn, and we are at a loss as to how to encourage him to keep his hands to himself. any tips?

mumoo ↓

Sat, Jan 12 2008, 11:16 pm

so let's say you have him tested. the results are he has difficulty sitting for long periods of time, keeping hands to himself, whatever.
They have a meeting with the specialist and the principal and the teacher and the parents where they all discuss strategies for helping the boy succeed. Breaking up the lessons, have him get up and pass out papers, whatever.
So before you shell out hundreds of dollars for the testing, dozens of hours for meetings and testing, why doesn't the teacher and principal have ways with dealing with children who have differing personalities? It's no surprise that a 6yr has this behavior. al pi darko, people!!

↑ Twizzlers

Sat, Jan 12 2008, 11:19 pm

mumoo wrote:

you're right. when I made that suggestion, I wasnt really thinking in terms of the money and the hours of time that testing can take...just figured, what do u have to lose?...but maybe the teacher/class is not right for him...can he switch to a different classroom with a different teacher and see if that helps at all?
btw, these can be symptoms of BOREDOM...maybe he's too bright for first grade and needs more of a challenge...would u consider pushing him up to second?

↑ mumoo

Sun, Jan 13 2008, 1:38 am

Twizzler, I wasn't ranting at you. I had 3 of my children tested. At great expense and time. I found out that they have unique learning styles. Surprised

big surprise. Though all the teachers have been very accommodating, did I need to go through all that to have them taught in a way they could benefit most? The truth is, I would have felt like a neglectful mother if I didn't do what the school asked. I have a problem with the schools who expect furniture to teach instead of living, unique, children with personalities. btw, I am a teacher. You learn quickly what works for each child and what doesn't. If one can't manage your classroom, one should find a different job.

Mitzvahmom

Sun, Jan 13 2008, 8:13 am

my oldest is on a modified education... Because she has so many thoughts in her head, that she needs to constantly be busy..

So her desk is in the back of the classroom, and if she's bored she has a special notebook for coloring in. Only thing is, that she has to color only about what the class is learning about. B"H helped her a lot, and the teachers were so surprised because she now answers the hard questions..

My middle child, is also on a modified education, because well.. He does not like to do extra work, so he will sit very quietly looking busy even though he's finished the work w/in the first couple of minutes. Teachers have learned to add extra work to his packet so he does not get bored..lol

All kids are different and have different learning styles, as long as u have a good teacher that acknowledges this they do fine.

amother

Sun, Jan 13 2008, 8:23 am

You don't say what type of school this is. I've seen many schools very backward in terms of their approach to children. I teach in a Jewish nonfrum, highly academic school. They are very into different learning styles and teaching each individual child according to their needs. There are many children who are the bodily/kinesthetic types who need to move around. Put them in an environment where they are listening to a Rebbe from 8:30 to 2:30 without being allowed to move in their seats, then have them plutz in English class, thus label them behaviour children. Then we drug them. I would advise to have a conversation with the teacher and ask him/her how are they meeting your child's needs. Do you find he is behaving like this outside of school? If he is very bright, is he being challenged enough (and no, colouring does not count- I'm talking about meaningful work)

grin

Sun, Jan 13 2008, 9:12 am

maybe he's just testing the limits of what he can or can't do in a school setting or still slightly immature? I think this testing business is way too overdone. Maybe this particular teacher made him angry in some way. Have you asked him why he does this? Sometimes there's more logical reasons, esp. since you've never notoiced this or had complaints before.

↑ tzatza ↓

Mon, Jan 14 2008, 1:27 pm

His teacher seems experienced, but the class is rather big (I think 30 boys) and this yeshiva only has one first grade class, so transfer is not an option.
Again, I don't observe any such problems with out-of-school situations. Of course, he has his own temperament, interests, etc. When he was starting 1st grade, I was extremely concerned as to how a 6 year-old can manage an adult like, 6-days a week schedule with little physical outlet. I am just afraid my concerns were valid....