Who here is Shrewd and Creative? Need to arrange Kiruv

amother ↓

Wed, Dec 26 2007, 2:26 pm

I need a Shrewd person's idea for being Mekarev s/o.

I am aware of a girl teenager who can badly use Kiruv (lives in U.S. w/o family), and through much detective work and Hashgochas Hashem have come up with a twenties something person who is most likely to succeed as a good influence on this teen girl. They have very similar histories, it's amazing. The older one is solidly frum now!
They both live in Brooklyn now, came from the same birth country so have the same Mother language, and are about 5 years apart, but don't know each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Older person is a young vivacious newlywed person. Who can help me do Hashem's work?

How can I arrange a meeting between the two, w/o it looking arranged??????????

mummiedearest ↓

Wed, Dec 26 2007, 3:40 pm

just curious, is this young lady in need of kiruv INTERESTED in any of this? or is she just someone you know? I'm very wary of the kiruv craze right now. yes, kiruv is wonderful, and absolutely should be done. on the other hand, if the person in question is not ready to take on religion, which is a huge step, they have a smaller chance of remaining frum once they decide to take the plunge. invite her for a meal, by all means, but don't push either one of these people into something they're not ready for. you must talk to the older one before having her meet this girl, and when introducing them, realize that they should be friends first. the older girl should not feel she has a mission to complete.

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Dec 26 2007, 6:10 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

just curious, is this young lady in need of kiruv INTERESTED in any of this? or is she just someone you know? I'm very wary of the kiruv craze right now.

kiruv..craze..you call it?

Quote:

yes, kiruv is wonderful, and absolutely should be done. on the other hand, if the person in question is not ready to take on religion, which is a huge step, they have a smaller chance of remaining frum once they decide to take the plunge.

is that so?
I think you should try telling that to the many many frum families that originated with a parent or grandparent that had little interest in taking on religion and would have told you they were not "ready" when it was introduced to them

↑ amother

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 8:55 am

DH suggested a Shabbos meal, but I was thinking that will definitely look arranged. I haven't yet spoken to the older one, but I heard from others she's love to get close to a family/families in Brooklyn.

I've found out that they both have irreligious mothers in their Mother country that they miss terribly, so they really would understand each other and be able to commiserate.

As far as the younger one not being ready, I feel she's not anti-frumkeit, she has just not befriended frum girls, bec. she's in a Kiruv school, and believe it or not the only relationship she has with FFB people are when they do Chesed for her. No one FFB has developed a real friendship with her, because the FFB's generally stick with their FFB friends outside of performing a token Chesed for her now and then. Few if any at all FFB's are interested in developing a real friendship with her. She realizes this.

It's rather sad. People in Brooklyn want their kind of friends only, and have little or no opportunity to meet those of other backgrounds.

↑ mummiedearest

Thu, Dec 27 2007, 2:37 pm

Quote:

mummiedearest wrote:
just curious, is this young lady in need of kiruv INTERESTED in any of this? or is she just someone you know? I'm very wary of the kiruv craze right now.

kiruv..craze..you call it?

Quote:
yes, kiruv is wonderful, and absolutely should be done. on the other hand, if the person in question is not ready to take on religion, which is a huge step, they have a smaller chance of remaining frum once they decide to take the plunge.

is that so?
I think you should try telling that to the many many frum families that originated with a parent or grandparent that had little interest in taking on religion and would have told you they were not "ready" when it was introduced to them

yes, I call it a craze. when high school girls are sent out to do kiruv as a chessed project and have no idea how to do things; when the people I meet who are "in kiruv" have a "holier-than-thou-because-I'm-in-kiruv" attitude; when I get solicitations for money from kiruv organizations I've never heard of and have no way of finding out how legitimate they are. sorry, I find that more and more people are acting like missionaries.

this is not to say that I have ANYTHING against real, proper kiruv. but I know people who were pushed to become frum, became frum, married, had kids, and finally said enough. they weren't ready, felt pressured, and eventually left their families to fend for themselves. we have to think of people as people, not chessed projects, not "nebuchs," not "badly in need of kiruv." yes, a person's soul wants the closeness to G-d. absolutely. but the person has to recognize it. some people do become frum even if they hadn't thought they were ready. they obviously recognized the readiness at some point in their lives. some do because of their children. some never do, even with the best efforts of whichever organization is "working with them."

I think we have to realize that we are not superior to non-religious jews. it irks me to no end when I read an article that speaks of "our brethren in russia" or some such. "brethren" has a tendency to sound condescending. and why is it that so many baalei tshuva have a hard time fitting in to frum communities? I get it, let's be mekarev them and once they're frum enough and don't need kiruv, we can shun them with a clear conscience. kiruv is NOT a project, hobby, or career. kiruv should be done out of ahavas yisroel, not because of a superiority complex.

so again I say, feel free to invite this girl to a meal. let her know that she's welcome anytime. if she's interested, she may ask questions. don't set her up with a mentor, find her a friend. she is capable of choosing her own mentor, should she so desire. if that mentor happens to be the friend you introduce her to, that's lovely.