Do this because... Or mommy said so

happymom ↓

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 11:52 am

I dont always give an explanation, and in fact I dont always ask a question about what has to be done. for example, if the toys have to be clean, I dont say " go clean up your toys" I say "look, the playroom is a big mess, and soon our guests are coming! or look the playroom is messy, it has to be clean before shabbos" and my two year old daughter says "oh no, its messy, lets go clean it up! this sounds simple and like it wouldnt work but it REALLY DOES! same with something falling on the floor for example... "uhoh, your orange juice just spilled on the floor, hmmm" and my daughter says, "Oh, we have to wipe it uo, can u please get me a towel..."

anyways, if My daughter asks me why about something, I give her a reason, because she really wants to know. if she still doesnt want to, I dont give her more reasons, I just tell her "I know you dont want to, and its hard for you to do this, but u know when a mommy tells us to do something, and we do it even though we dont want to, its a huge mitzvah!!" and then if she does it I sing her the mitzvah song Wink

Mrs. XYZ

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 12:27 pm

I dont think its good to do strictly either way. I sometimes give an explanation/reason and sometimes not. I dont think its good for kids to grow up always expecting a reason of why they can or cant do things. Sometimes its simply because I dont let, period! And of course its not good for a kid to always hear no, no, no, without understanding why. So I definitely do explain things to my toddler so that he should learn to understand cause and effect. But many times he just get a firm NO!

Sofia2 ↓

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 12:51 pm

I find that whenever I volunteer an explanation when I want my ds to do something, he will always find a way to reason with the explanantion. For exmple, "don't jump on the bed cuz you might fall and get a boo boo" he will say, "but I won't fall". End of story, he has solved the issue, now he can continue to jump. It really ticks me off and now if he asks 'why', I say- because mommy said so.

↑ Ribbie Danzinger

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 3:14 pm

ZOFIT wrote:

Until he learns to reply, "and Shmulli say yes!"... Which is why stating a rule is more efficient, "You are not allowed to jump on the bed." If he then asks why, the reply should be "because that is the rule."
At a separate time, you can explain that some things are dangerous, which is why we have certain rules.
The child learns that Mommy sets the rules and that he has to keep them - not because Mommy told him, but because that is the rule.

↑ Sofia2

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 8:35 pm

Ribbie Danzinger wrote:

ZOFIT wrote:

Thanks Ribbie, I will try that

↑ mimivan

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 8:44 pm

Ribbie Danzinger wrote:

I try to use two rules:
1. Always phrase an order in the positive, emphasising the expected result: "Please get back on the floor, now." (as opposed to "get off the chair"). This makes the order far easier to understand. This is especially important in dangerous situations, when a child runs into the road, for instance, "Get back on the sidewalk" tells the child exactly what he should be doing, rather than "Get out of the road" which doesn't direct him to how he should accomplish it.
2. Explain the rules: "We are not allowed to climb on chairs", "we must not hit our friends". This method encourages obedience without making it into a battle. If you give a reason for everything it is likely to arouse problems later, as the reasons we give are usually not absolute. Similarly, if we tell them to do something because "I" told you to do so, it may arouse a desire to rebel against authority.

Another method which is very effective, especially in toddlers, is to redirect their attention to something positive without turning the problem into a discipline issue. For example, while typing this message, my two-and-a-half year old started scribbling with a marker on the baby's buggy, so I offered him a piece of paper and he is now happily scribbling on the paper at the table. I could have added, as I often do, "We are only allowed to draw on paper."

Most important, stay calm and don't take their antics personally. 8)

That makes sense for many reasons...including that rules are absolute and reasons are not. If reasons are always given with rules, the child may think the reason is as important as the rule!

Tefila

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 10:22 pm

Quote:

Or do I say "Daniel, come off the chair. I don't want you to get hurt"?

I dunno I am a talker too.
A child imo is not a puppy, that u say sit, stand, move unless it a dangerous situation or physical like hitting situation or some rare exceptions.

Perhaps I'm way off and perhaps I am not Confused