S/o defiant behaviour

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2019, 10:14 pm

I'm a first year teacher for a Yr 1 class in a smallish school. There's a student in the Yr 1 who is 7 years old. She is the oldest of 4 children (number 5 is on the way shortly...) - the brother under her is a 'difficult child', the brother under that has been diagnosed with ASD (so I've heard, and picked up myself when observing him once - I've worked with high functioning ASD children in the past) and the youngest is a 3yo girl; just to put her into perspective. She is also the oldest grandchild on her mother's side.

This student's behaviour is most perplexing. She is often defiant, annoying to her peers, silly, rude etc. Some examples:

1 - The class moved seats last week. She didn't get the seat she wanted (I actually had no idea that she wanted that seat!), but she got the seat next to it. For the next 10 minutes she kept swapping her pencil case with the student next to her, swapping their reward charts, swapping the container of coloured pencils etc. All the while saying - 'Not fair, I want that seat. It's not X's, it's mine" etc. I told the second student that I would deal with it and to ignore. I ignored too, finished giving the instructions necessary, then walked over to her and said calmly, 'X amount of girls moved seats with a positive attitude. Please show me that you can too, otherwise I'll have to get Mrs X (principal) involved.' She stopped the behaviour immediately but was unsettled for the rest of the session.

2 - She was playing a game with her classmates at recess today. She wanted to get out so she could be 'it'. The rest of the group claimed a different student got out first, so she ran away with the toy while they chased her. I (I was in the yard on duty) told her calmly, 'You were not out, X was, I'm counting to 5 and I want you to give her the toy by 5.' By 3 she had thrown the toy at X. When she did finally have a turn to be 'it', she refused to play the game properly, ruining it for her friends - but didn't care.

3 - She often will start a piece of work and then say it's too difficult for her. My assistant or I will offer to assist her, but she'll get stuck on the fact that it's not super easy and keep repeating, 'I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it.' etc. Occasionally she'll hand in incomplete work, pretending it's finished. She isn't an incapable student. She just doesn't like to put in effort.

4 - We do some imaginative writing 3 times a week. This week the students wrote a story over three sessions. We take turns with different students having a chance to read their work. She has read her work recently while other girls haven't, so I chose 3 different students to read. She started to shout, 'It's not fair, I want to read my story.' and proceeded to read it out really loudly. She didn't get through the whole piece, but loudly proclaimed as she put her writing book away, 'Next time you choose me to read, I'm going to read this story!' - which I'd have no problem with, if she'd ask appropriately.

She definitely has some sensory 'stuff' going on - she can't sit still in her chair (not running around the classroom, but often stands/leans on one knee on her chair while working), chews her pencil to pieces (literally!!!) and doodles constantly. She has a sensory wedge cushion on her chair, a chewable pencil topper and a notepad for doodles on her desk.

Her mother, when asked which techniques work to keep her behaviour under control, said, 'I don't know. I haven't found what works. Ask her teachers from last year.' The one piece of advice that she gave was to allow her opportunities to be responsible - eg taking a note to the office, handing out worksheets etc. This works sometimes, but not once she is out of control - and it's impossible to know what'll set her off!

Even with all that I've wrote, you won't get the full picture; she's so hard to describe! She can be a real functional student, but once set off - you've lost her. Last year's teacher struggled with her too. She's just known as a 'difficult child'.

Any insights please?

amother

Taupe

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 12:36 am

Not qualified to answer your questions but if you want to anonymise the country that you are from change Yr 1 to first grade. ;-)

If you do that I'll delete this message

Even though I'm not qualified to answer id be recommending she be assessed for ASD as well as the brother. It looks different in girls.

And stop thinking of her as being difficult. The teachers are being difficult because they don't know what to do.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 3:03 am

Sounds a little like my child. Here is what works:
1. Issue lots of warnings before any change. Change (in schedule, in seats, etc) can be difficult for kids like this.
2. Allow child to stand or move around while working
3. Scheduled breaks or a pass to take a short break when she gets overwhelmed.
4. Weekly sessions with school social worker to work on social skills. Try to have her work/play with socially strong kids so she has good peer models
5. Do not engage in a power struggle, it makes things worse. Know when to look away and give child her space.
6. Allow use of gum in class to address sensory needs. Also try a theraband on her chair.
7. Most importantly realize that she's not intentionally giving you a hard time. She struggles and wants to well, but she can't.

amother

Saddlebrown ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 3:45 am

I had a younger kid act in a real annoying way and it was from a lack of positive attention. Ince given alot more attention magically many of the behaviors that I blamed on other excuses disappeared. Have a professional work with her on social skills but also schmooze with her at recess. Dont let her classmates enjoy her negative attention. Instead can you get involved in there games one day and have he join them in a positive way

amother

↑ Saddlebrown

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 3:47 am

She also could be copying that asd brother she sees how he gets attention when he does certain behaviors so she does too. And all the people.around her Is proving to her that it really works

amother

Crimson

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 6:18 am

Oh my goodness!
This is my daughter who is 22 and happily married.
Luckily we had all the time in the world for her and she went through group therapy for social skills, regular social work, neuro-psychological evaluation plus, plus, plus.
For the most part the schools and teachers were attentive to how we explained her behavior
and they were helpful.

BUT SHE HAS PAINFUL MEMORIES FROM SOME TEACHERS ( whose life was a bed of roses in respect to being born regulated, without sensory issues, comfortable social, capable of grasping social norms at the right age.)

PLEASE BE KIND to her and try to get to see her through a professional lens.

RICK LAVOIE has some great books. please read them.

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 6:32 am

It sounds like she likes to be in control. She acts out when she feels she is not in control of a situation, something happens that is unpredictable, unexpected and what she does when she acts out is her attempt to regain control of the situation.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 7:54 am

Obviously no one can diagnose over the internet but honestly seems like a call for positive attention. Try the book, positive discipline in the classroom

imasinger

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:25 am

Take ABC data! It's a must. Make a chart. Time, activity prior, class activity during her behavior, what happened afterwards. In particular, note:

A: Antecedent. What was happening prior to her misbehaving? Write it down.

B: Behavior. What is she doing?

C. Consequence. What happened after she acted out? With her, with the class? (Could be something, or nothing).

After a week of keeping records, you will start to see patterns. Maybe transitioning to and from certain activities is a problem. Maybe a certain kind of work gets her anxious. Maybe she is trying to connect to other kids, but doesn't know how.

Once you have an idea of what her behavior is about, you can create an effective plan to work on it.

This book lays it all out brilliantly.
The Behavior Code: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Teaching the Most Challenging Students https://www.amazon.com/dp/1612.....EBQ4B

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:34 am

imasinger, that was really helpful advice. Thank you

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 12:45 pm

Thank you all. For those who said give her positive attention - the strangest thing is that it doesn't work! That was the first thing we tried. Giving her positive attention often causes her to become really silly, as if she doesn't know how to deal with getting the attention! Her mother agreed on that one.
Gum won't be allowed in our school, a theraband is a great idea.
I honestly try not to think of her as difficult, she's a sweet kid who obviously just needs SOMETHING! I'm trying to work out the root of her difficult BEHAVIOUR. I have a lot of negative memories from school, and I was an angelic super-smart student, so the last thing I want is to give her a negative experience.
I'll try the ABC method and see how it goes. There's def some anxiety and dislike of not being in control going on.
Oh, and I never get into a power struggle with any of my students. Like an experienced teacher told me - 'Never argue with a student, they'll always have more time than you so they will win!'