Money | Imamother

miriamnechama ↓

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 7:45 am

for some reason my ds8 thinks taht money grows on trees and if I don't get him something he'll have a fit.

I was meanmt to get hima novie but sinceteh store is not close byandhad to go out I told him to use what we hadinteh home (actually forgot to send it with him) anyways he comes home yellingat me all the kids have new ones and he wants money now for one. very nice the moneyis not usually by me nor is teh cc. (I have on me for food etc) so I called dh and he started screaming away, he said so you have money to give me travel pass and now you don't have for teh navi.... (not true he forgottleave and we forgot to buy it friday... can happen we were also busy with a bris) so he started screaming andsaying things like so take out from teh cash dispenser etc, we closed teh phone and he started wrecking teh house, kicking teh old oven (tah tis still waiting to be disposed of) etc

how do I go about this?? there were times tha I caought him taking money from my wallet..... now I have to keep my room locked, ok it was a small amout but that could easilly be 100 nis or teh cc or a check!! he gets everyting he needs, he's lackingnothing so what is going on??

I try notto talk to hima bout money cus I thinkit's none of his business, I just do it matter of fact ly. eg when I wrote out a check he looks and goes oh what's bank hapoalim?? so I said oh it's a check it's nothing. I didn't wantto go into details.

he already knows there is such a thing as a card, he said to dh today so give me the card and I'll pull out money!! I said to him very briefly, a cash point is where tehy store money, but in order to take moneyout you need money in your bank account, so he said this morning, so when I'll be bm I'll have a card.... really I don't think I'm going to make him a bank account so quickly... costs money!! ididn't tell him that andi hope that by bm he'll forget it, andtehre is a reason why I don't send him shopping with teh cc or too much cash.

but how do I go about gtting this shtuss out of his head?? I never knew about checks and banks at that age?!! I opened my first accout at age 16 when I went to seminary.....and still managed to go overdrawn once, by a very small amount.....

anyone??

shalhevet

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 7:59 am

I don't think it's anything to do with knowing how to take money out of a cashpoint/ write a check etc. It's to do with chutzpa and him thinking you have to do everything he demands.

If I were you, I would say the following to him, quite calmly:
Dear son, I would have bought you the novi today if I had been able to. But I couldn't. And if you had asked my nicely I would have bought you one tomorrow. Now that you were so disrespectful I am not going to buy you one until you apologise and even then not till Thursday. And every time that you shout at me about it, or speak to me disrespectfully you will have to wait one more day.

When you do buy it for him, do not let him have it until he says 'thank you for going to the trouble of buying it for me.'

Do not be scared of threats that he can't learn etc etc. I'm sure you have a novi in the house he can use. And if not he can look with a friend.

↑ miriamnechama ↓

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 8:29 am

moose we don't have yard sales by us.... or he might be too young t ounderstand, about allowance I'm not so ure if it's such a great idea.....I think he has some I dea of value of money but on a low level and I'm worried that if he get's ome demei kis ie pocket money he's spend it on garbage andnot save it for something worthwhile.....also how much would you give an 8 year old in shekalim?? in away I'd rather saveit up for him....

shalhevet thabks alot, I have navi's in teh house, but he doesn't want it.... he wants new, but also dh told me not to get untill he can behave.

one things for sure at least he doesn't know about email and imamoter for tat matter LOL

I decided just to email dh... and he called and I put it on speaker and he said so how do I hear till yerushalayim you are kicking the oven.....

also I dopn't think ds realizes taht over teh last few months we have had alot of unexpected expenses and not always is there moneywhen he wants something..... we didn't know that in the space of 5 months we would need a laundry machine and an oven...... but go explain that to him... I'd rather not. when dh told me that he didn't have money t run and get an oven o quickly... so for a few weeks I managed and tried to be creative....but go tell tah to a kid.

loveit

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 9:22 am

I think this is why a teacher of mine in seminary told us that we should talk to our children on some level about money, instead of just dismissing it, saying it's nothing , etc. Obviously, one must discuss it an appropriate way depending on the age of the child.

I don't really have any advice but I hope you find a way to speak to ds about money in a way that he understand and appreciates so that he stop thinking that money comes from everywhere, all you need is a card of a piece of paper with one's signature, etc.

Tefila ↓

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 10:03 am

1. If you promised him then you should do u'r best to fulfill u'r obligation.
2. Regardless He is not permitted to rule u or cause havoc in the house let him have an outlet though for kicking/ screaming, (we have imamother our husbands etc Twisted Evil

) let him have his bedroom or if the weather is not so bad the back garden Confused

3. If you have money issues as far as catching him taking why not just have a debit card and little if no money around. That will solve the issue atleast for now. Though doesn't teach him.
4. I do think you should sit with him and gently get to the root of the problem Exclamation

like perhaps its not that everyone has a new navi that is eating him up but the fact that they will and do say stuff to him.
Hatzlacha

↑ miriamnechama ↓

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 10:12 am

tefilla right wew promised but somehow we forgot.... my sil had a boy and with a shabbos bris to prepare for tere was so much pressure to get ready and go and see to stuff by il's that it lipped our minds. we have one in the house he could use in the meantime.... it's not really the issuem the store is not close by and I usually go when I do te rest of my shooping... this wek I wasn't in the area, but will be before chanuka.

your right we have imamother.... and dh, but I thin when he gets angry he wants to make me angry too... he does it davka so I don't know how much it'll help to let him have his space..... I was told when he does it not to show that he is getting you angry, so that's why I email dh and go onto imamother. also I don't keep cards or money around..... it's hidden in my room so he can't get to it,when I ask him to get something from the supermarket I give him exact change or close as I can get.

↑ Tefila

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 10:22 am

Ok so is the issue that you were not there this week b/c of sil bris etc or that you don't have the money? b/c these are two different things, both valid mind u Wink

I still think you should try to get to the root of the problem with him. Sad

Perhaps he is staging a performance to get u angry too, but rather err on the side he needs to vent but in his room then tell him he is not allowed to, b/c that may just make things worse when he keeps things bottled up inside Sad

↑ miriamnechama ↓

Sun, Dec 02 2007, 1:19 pm

tefila in my opinion it's both but more this time the bris. I can understand he didn't get too much attention this time.... but I was needed and basically was up on my feet from 8 am feeding my boys plus my nieces and holding my other sil's baby daughter.... trying to put her to sleep making sure that the girls didn't junp on the same bed as the baby girl.... my sil... both sisters was helping hers ister alot with the newborn andher daughter... so I reallyw as crazy. I didn't get my youngest dressed till much later and he understood taht I need to take care of 4 other girls.... taht's besides from sorting out the bris and seuda and bringing up fod for the yoledet etc. oh and not to mention taht I was baking all thursday.....

and also he got annoyed when we told him do't be noisy.... he doesnn't uderstand what it is a woman after birth or a baby after bris or tons of babies around taht he needs to be quieter..... and don't think it was easy for me either...... evryone chipped in so I had to do my bit as well. my other sil I 3 months after birth and also wants to rest. and then it got to the point taht he said after shabbos well I don't want a baby in te house...(how I'll break teh news a future pg to him.... I don't know but tha's not for now). so in reality it's both but I think he more blew up I thin because of the pressure.... of course I don't talk to hima bout money..... and he really is lacking nothing.

he also has a problem taht he must have everything whatever it is right now... so it makes things much harder!!! though we did promise... we didn't say right now, we saidin a chance, so he will get it but why the behavior.

with ds2 we never have it and he's younger.... fil promised him pesach for afikoman a nice sefer torah..... for some reason everyone forgot about it and ds2 only reminded us on simchas torah.... by then it was too late and we said bli neder we'll buy him one.... but he didn't have a fit......