S/o mom-shaming | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 12:55 pm

I bottle feed all my babies. It grosses me out to nurse.
I get an epidural since I don’t like Chava’s curse.

I nurse my babies exclusively, and don’t wean till age four.
I co-sleep with my three youngest, so they will feel secure.

I make gourmet dinners, and my kids must eat each bite.
I don’t let them leave the table early, because it’s impolite.

I never make hot suppers, the kids won’t eat it anyway
I let them eat while running around, come on - they sit all day!

I keep my house spotless, and my kids cooperate.
If they track in mud or dirt, they’ll be cleaning up till late.

My house looks very lived in, a little mud can’t hurt.
Come on, you know the kids don’t care, they literally eat dirt!

I’m on top of all the homework, I enforce good grades on tests.
They’re grounded for three days if they don’t do their best.

I take all my kids to school, and we’re never there on time.
They never start teaching right away, so I tell myself we’re fine.

I put my kids on the bus, though school’s two blocks away
I need them out of the house so I can start my day.

I stay at home with my youngest, we all play together.
I take them to the park each day, no matter what the weather.

I need to work full time, to keep this ship afloat.
My babies go to the sitter, despite the lump in my throat.

I am a stay-at-home mom, but can’t handle my kids all day
So starting from 2, they go to playgroup - don’t they need friends anyway?

I give my kids melatonin to help them fall asleep.
I give them benadryl on flights so I won’t be that creep.

I take my kids to the doctor each time they stub their toe
It could be broken is what I think, can’t be too careful, you know?

I let my 7-year old take a younger sibling to the store.
My two-year old takes juice himself, I taught him how to pour.

I give my toddlers lollipops so they’ll get off my back.
Sour sticks and potato chips I send for recess snack.

My kids don’t know what sugar is, it’s never in the house.
I secretly make cookies that are only for my spouse.

I told my kids about relations starting from age three
It’s part of life, it’s normal, and I want them to agree.

My daughter called hatzalah when her first period came,
I thought she’d figure it out on her own - oh well, such a shame.

My kids all go to summer camp, can’t have them home all day.
“But what about your shidduch?” is a threat my kids obey.

I take a nap on the couch while my toddler plays on the floor.
My house is pretty safe, so it’s okay for sure.

I never even lock the bathroom when my kids are there.
What if something happens? I certainly wouldn’t dare.

I have two kids by choice, a fact I’m not ashamed to mention.
I want to make sure that each one gets enough attention.

I have a big and rowdy brood, and as you can expect
We get by with a healthy dose of benign neglect.

My 8-year old’s rear-facing, in safety I won’t compromise.
She knows what kind of speech she’ll get if she even tries.

I fight with my husband in front of my kids, let’s be real - it’s true
But we also kiss in front of them, so they’ll know I love him too.

—

Most of us fall somewhere between two very broad extremes.
We’re all sure that we’re right though, at least that’s how it seems.

Put down the other moms for the choices that they make.
Make sure to say “I told you so” when you point out a mistake.

Self-righteously stand there, you’re a shining light
Since you’re the only one out there that’s getting parenting right.

—

If you feel someone is dangerous, go file a report.
If you think you should have custody, take it up in court.

But know, when each birth was ordained, all the angels smiled
They may not be perfect parents, but they’re perfect for their child.

ETA Part Two a few posts down

195

teachkids

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:02 pm

I don't know why you're amother, I would love to know which one of our posters wrote this INCREDIBLE poem. Well said

allthingsblue

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:03 pm

I love this! So cute and thoughtful.

sweet3

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:08 pm

Wow! Such an enjoyable piece of writing!!!! So so well said.

flowerpower ↓

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:09 pm

Did you make up this rhyme?
How did you have time?

Did you Write it while they played alone?
Don’t you know to watch them every second when they’re home?

But judging others is what we all do best
Because we are always better mothers than the rest

↑ flowerpower

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:10 pm

teachkids wrote:

I don't know why you're amother, I would love to know which one of our posters wrote this INCREDIBLE poem. Well said

I agree. Don’t be shy. We won’t judge you lol

Rubber Ducky

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:13 pm

OP, did you write this poem? You could get it printed, it's terrific!

soap suds

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:13 pm

Wow! I LOVE the last two lines!!

mum22

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:17 pm

👏
Amazing!
What talent!

daagahminayin

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:25 pm

Really great poem!

amother

Lilac

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:29 pm

I'm not mom-shaming
But mom-explaining
When I express loudly my concerns
of daycares and nurseries and all that I've learned.
Yes no one should be shamed for the choices they make
We don't know what lies behind them, or what obstacles they face
But there are dangers in every path that we can choose
It's good to be aware of them so our kids we do not lose

Loved the poem OP! Heart

Raisin

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 1:48 pm

I love it, although I disagree with the last line. There are some truly awful parents out there, but not because they formula feed or send to full time day care or let their 7 year old go to the grocery on her own or let their 4 year old eat a little too much sugar. But because some parents are cruel and abusive and truly neglectful.

But, the vast majority of us are good enough parents. We love our kids enough, we take enough care of our kids, we feed them healthy enough food, we make sure they do enough homework and so on.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 2:34 pm

…And when you see a decision so awful that you can’t just move along
Check your CONTENT and TONE before you yell that they are wrong.

“She bathes her kids just once a week! She needs to know that’s not okay!”
(But the AAD says differently, and you can trust what they say.)

“She doesn’t nurse?! She’s so selfish! All the benefits I’ve read…”
(Let her doctor educate her, as long as baby is fed.)

“What a terrible mom! She leaves her kids alone in the bath to play!”
(She’s much more likely to listen if you phrase it in a caring way)

“She told her 8-year-old about relations?!? He’ll need therapy for sure!”
(There are no clear guidelines here, her guess is as good as yours.)

“She lets her girls wear short socks, because they’re sensory?!?”
 (She has a Rav, take it up with HIM if you disagree.)

“Ew! She lets her child wear the same shirt every day!”
(He’s high-strung, and to get him to school, this is the only way.)

“She doesn’t give her kids dinner if they don’t behave that day?!?”
(You can be kind, not just firm, when you point out that’s not okay.)

If you’re not sure that what you’re seeing counts as real neglect,
Call up an organization or a Rav you can respect.

If someone is truly abusive and cruel, they won’t stop from your post.
And if she really just never knew, she needs your kindness most.

You don’t need to ignore the problem, you don’t need to excuse her.
But you DO need to say it as her friend, NOT as her accuser.