Need input about high school for DD - pouring out my heart

twinkltoes

Tue, Oct 30 2007, 8:09 am

My daughter has been in a Charedi-oriented grade school for 4 years now. All in all, she and we are VERY happy with the school. I can't say for sure whether the level of studies would be considered high or not as we don't have anything to compare to. The reasons we are happy with the school are as follows:

1. SMALL class size - there are 15 girls in DDs class!!!!! RARE in Israel.
2. It's a long school day - until 15:00.
3. There are chugim for nominal fee offered through the school.
4. There is a dress code/uniform.
5. There are hasa'ot to and from, door to door.
6. The principal is a GEM and is SO available when there are problems, and the times I've gone to her with problems, she is ON TOP of them INSTANTLY. She is a busy lady but gives you the time of day and makes you feel that right here, right now, YOU and your child are the only thing that matters.
7. The whole environment and thrust of the school is VERY conservative which I am in favor of. TV/internet/ICQ and the like is discouraged (but they don't try to "big brother" anyone - we do have a TV and internet at home), the girls are not allowed cell phones in school, etc.
8. The school isn't just concerned with TEACHING the girls, they are very aware and involved in EDUCATING them. By that I mean, they are on top of bad language, behaviour, descration of public property, disrespect of teachers. They punish bad behaviour/language and are by the same token very good at rewarding the good behaviour. This, to me, is priceless. We are very concerned at home with the same and my job would be 10 times harder if this was dealt with ONLY at home and outside the home no one cared about that. So I feel I have good cooperation from the school in this regard.

DD is in 6th grade now and we have two options. Leave her in this school for one more year or make the break now and switch her to another school for high school (which starts in 7th grade in Israel). In our town there are two high school options that I would like her to investigate. One is more right-wing, one more liberal/feminist orientated. (If I were choosing a school for myself, I would choose the later because that's where I'M at, but I can't push HER that way based on MY religious/political views because I am not sure that that's what SHE is all about. Does that make sense?)

I honestly don't know, religiously, which would suit this particular child more. Part of me says that if I want my child to maintain any level of religiosity whatsoever that I should send her to the more right-wing/Charedi high school and that later on in life she may swing to a more centrist position whereas if she went to the more liberal/feminist school, where's she going to swing to? Off the religious spectrum altogether?

When I first started making noises about the possibility of her changing schools for next year, she had a "fit" and wasn't open to considering it. Which says good things for where she is, I know. She's happy where she is, she likes her class, she's doing well grade-wise, etc. I told her that by going to look at these other schools we don't have to commit to anything. It doesn't cost to look at them and talk to them and ask some questions so we have something to compare to. I told her I was going to insist that she attend each of these schools' Open House days (the first one is tomorrow from 2-5 for the prospective students only, w/o the parents), meet the other girls, teachers, whoever and get an impression about them and then we would talk about it again and if she still felt she wanted to stay where she was then that would be fine with me.

Part of me feels that "if it's not broke, don't fix it" but my main thinking in considering changing her now is that I would like for her to meet some other girls who might live closer to us. Right now, NO ONE from her class lives near enough for her to socialize with on Shabbat and that is hard and sad for me and her.

I also think that the time has come for a hashkafic shift. As happy as we are where she is now, we are definitely NOT Charedi and there are one or two little things that I have heard and seen at the school that are niggling at me. I don't believe that there is only ONE "right way", ONE Jewish school of thought or teaching is correct and kosher and I would like her horizons to be broadened and for her to be exposed to other schools of thought that are equally valid. I want her to be a knowledgeable Jewish woman but one who can think for herself. And I'm not convinced she will get either where she is. The question is whether now is the time to do that or if a hashkafic shift would just confuse her?

Anyway, I really dont' know what will be or what the right decision is. Any advice welcome.

Imaonwheels

Thu, Nov 01 2007, 4:33 am

Fact of life - going down is easier than going up, but it is harder to reverse.

When I advise I often repeat that kids in charedi schools should not be moved into a new place that will contradict all they have learned. You want to fine tune her hashkafa, but she will lose her anchor. I have seen countless times when a child is moved either because some psychologist or other adviser thinks that the charedi school is too much pressure or the parents wanted the kids to be serious about yiddishkeit but not THAT serious. The child is hurt when teachers and other significant adults do things she was taught until now was assur. In my opinion late HS is the earliest children should have their black and white smudged to include grey.

The older a child gets the less imperative it is that their friends be within the distance Mommy wants to walk them, they can ride the bus. Also, the older they get the less parents can tune their hashkafas for them. I wouldn't worry if the school is working for her because even kids who learn in charedi schools have heads and use them. Look up "Frum Forums" and see for yourself Wink

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It is best for home and school to be consistent but you already made that choice quite a few years ago. Making changes now would just make her lose trust for her teachers and maybe you as well.