Naming the first born...

Anonymommy

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 11:21 am

Ok, bear with me here, this is a question based on severely limited information:

I read somewhere that it's a tradition to let the mother name the first born if it's a boy, or vice versa, or something like that- but I can't remember where I read/heard it, and I can't remember how it goes!!

Does anyone know of any traditions about who gets more consideration as to input in the name of a baby?

nicole81

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 12:15 pm

my husband also told me I get to chose the firstborn's name, unless we were in the year that someone passed away. well his grandmother did pass away 6 months before my daughter was born, so I chose her first name and the second came from the grandmother.

Yael

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 12:18 pm

I've heard of 2 traditions:
that the father gets the honor,
that the mother gets the honor. Wink

seriously I've heard both so I dont know what is more widely done.

I suggest you both pick a name together, thats what we did.

IndyMom ↓

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 4:20 pm

My mother makes a big deal of the fact that the mom gets to name the first born. My husbands family follows the tradition that the dad gets to name the first born but they don't make a big deal about it. I named the first born after my grandfather adn a year later we named our second born after his grandfather. After that we decided that we aren't taking turns like this anymore and we are just going to agree on names from now on. The new baby was named after his grandmother.

stem

Sun, Jul 03 2005, 1:06 am

My grandmother is extremely into having the mothers side have a name first. My husband's side is more laid back in that respect. We decided to name our children, without letting all the relatives put the pressure on. Our first is named after my husband's great-grandmother because no one was named after her yet, and from my side there were only girls names that were used a zillion times already. Our second was named after my grandfather because I felt strongly that I wanted to name that name.
BTW - We also added a second name to both our children which would have "invalidated" the name in the eyes of my grandmother, so it wouldn't have satisfied her if we named from my side first anyway.

↑ IndyMom

Sun, Jul 03 2005, 8:39 am

my mother/grandmother also think we invalidate the names by adding a middle name. When we named after my mother's father we had to change the middle name since my husband has the same middle name - for that we got forgiveness. So far we haven't had to name another name on my side so we haven't been scrutinized for it, but when my brother named his daughter a name he liked with the middle name after my great grandmother instead of mazal tovs he got tears from my mother. "HOW COULD YOU RUIN HER NAME!". and when he had his son he got threats that if he wasn't going to name after someone completely he shouldn't do it at all! Luckily my husband is thick skinned - he told me it's his kid and if he want's toname after relative he will with or without their permission. He named after my grandfather and didn't alter the name so everyone was ok with it anyway, but he wanted to makeit clear that he didn't do it from pressure, he did it becuase that was the name he wanted to use.

I actually can't understand how people can pressure paretns about the name - don't the parents get ruach hakodesh when they name their children? Why should others try to alter that?

queen

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 1:07 am

IndyMom wrote:

I actually can't understand how people can pressure paretns about the name - don't the parents get ruach hakodesh when they name their children?

you're 100% correct.
It's terrible wrong for parents to get involved with naming the baby (or getting involved at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) They are taking away their childrens opportunity of having that little bit of ruach hakodesh.

Pearl

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 6:36 am

queen wrote:

IndyMom wrote:

I actually can't understand how people can pressure paretns about the name - don't the parents get ruach hakodesh when they name their children?

I agree with indy mom on this too!

lucky

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 8:12 am

Sometimes families go to war over names.But generaly you do one your side one mine.
From when I was pregnant I always knew the name I would give since I sadly lost all my grandparents already. My dh has 1 grandmother, and cant give a naame after his grandfather(my fathers name).

when I had my 6th I was really worried about a name. for some odd reason I had this crazy fear that we won't find a name for her. I thought she would be named after my fils stepmother, but till today, I dont know why we gave a different name. Iguess it really is ruach hakodesh cause there was no obvious reason not to give the name.(and my dh knew her-she was a special person. but it was not the right name for my daughter.)

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 3:44 pm

yes, I heard that mom gets first baby and father second.
just a minhag.
my husband and I decided together.
I hated the "ideas" from our parents. we ended up giving one name from each side and of course, the one who got the middle name wasn't happy.
the night before the bris, my father actually called me up and said if I want to use the name _______ _____ (what we DID name our son in the end), that he has a friend with that name and he didn't like the idea.
but we made our decision and that was THAT.
You can never please ANYBODY. So just decide with your husband. Wink