Anti-Vaxx Visitors

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 3:34 am

B"H I'm in my 3rd trimester with identical twins (already have 2 kids aged 3 years and under). Last shabbat my family hosted another family with 2 kids (2.5 years and 9 months old) and the mother revealed to me at the end of the meal that she stopped vaccinating when her son was 1 year old and never brought her daughter to see a doctor since she was born.

I'm starting to get nervous that after I give birth they'll want to visit us with their children - should I ask them not to come over? This has the potential of getting very awkward...

She's not a close friend of mine, her husband learned with my husband in yeshiva on and off for about 3 years but we're not in contact except when they come to us for shabbat, once a month or so.

Last edited by amother on Tue, May 12 2020, 2:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Slategray

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 3:54 am

Usually I'm for being upfront and telling people why you don't want to see them again, etc
BUT here I'd be afraid it would backfire: if word gets out that you don't associate with people who don't vax, people might just lie and say they do vax. In this case it might be better to not mention the vaccine issue and just tell her you're too busy with your new babies to host anymore.

Honestly I don't know what the best thing to do in this situation is. It's complicated.

groovy1224

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 6:29 am

I can't believe shes not embarrassed to be hosted by a woman with 2 young children who is pregnant with twins.

Just tell her "hey I'm so sorry we're love to see you but with the twins being so tiny were only having people over who are up to date on their vaccinations. Doctor's orders!"

Yes it might be awkward but sometimes you have to get through awkward things for the sake of your children.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 7:35 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Tell me about it, I felt so bitter after shabbat ended. They're moving to a nearby town and she informed me not so subtly the week before that it'll be our "last chance to host them before the big move!" My husband in general pressurizes me to continue a relationship with them (and host in general while pregnant. Otherwise shabbat is 'boring' in his words). They're vegan, so as usual I prepared the whole menu according to their dietary needs. As if that wasn't enough, their 2.5 year old is in cloth diapers and had poop explosions (no other way to describe it) twice while they were here. They insisted on changing him on our sofa despite me trying to convince them to use our changing table or at least our plastic changing mat ("he won't get it dirty!") and they rinsed his bottom off twice in our shower (leaving excrement in the shower. I made my husband clean it on motzash because it was just too disgusting and my back won't allow me do these things anymore) and asked to borrow a fresh towel to dry him off afterwards.

Let's just say, this anti-vaxx revelation is the nail in the coffin of this 'friendship'... Sad

Last edited by amother on Tue, May 12 2020, 2:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

little neshamala

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 7:36 am

I would definitely not allow them in. Measles is so contagious that 9/10 unvaxed people who are exposed to it contract it. It hovers in the air 2 hours after the measles person left the room. There is way to much risk here for a newborn to ch"v catch it.

Having said that, you don't need to make it a big nasty deal. Just say clearly "oh, wish I could have you over but im under strict orders not to allow anyone in the house if they havent been vaccinated"

watergirl

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 7:44 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Wow, so many reasons to not invite them again. If you MUST host (work that out with dh), host people who are appropriate guests. These people are not, for like, a million reasons.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 7:55 am

I am not even anti vax nor pro vax. But please stop hosting them. You should not risk newborn babies being exposed, period. Maybe society forgot that part with all our conveniences. I wouldn't re-host someone who changes diapers on my couch either, especially if I told them not to. Or leaves the shower dirty.

Can't you find other guests?? So your husband isn't bored. They're move is a great time for you.

southernbubby

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 8:14 am

People with newborns, twins or otherwise, should not have visitors who bring children. Children can harbor RSV or any other virus which is harmful to babies. People who handle the babies should only be adults who are in good health and nobody should kiss a newborn except his parents or maybe the siblings could kiss the foot.

The vaccine issue is only part of the danger here. Kids always carry some bug this time of year and the babies don't need to even catch cold.