Forcing Piano Lessons

odchai ↓

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 7:42 am

If anyone can offer me some advice I would really appreciate it, especially those that have grown up taking music lessons or those that have kids that are still taking music lessons.
I have a girl (13) and a boy (11) that have been taking piano for a few years and their old teacher can't continue to teach anymore so we are considering switching them to a new and probably more serious teacher than they had before. Both kids are dragging their feet and are not very enthusiastic about the thought of continuing with lessons at all. On the whole both kids show talent but are not prodigies, I have to remind them to practice every night and they do it but do not practice on their own unless I remind them. Also they only practice for the bare minimum which I guess means they don't LOVE it. I feel that they should continue since they may grow to love it and it's a good discipline. How many kids want to do anything that requires practice? Music enhances many aspects of a person's life and soon they will both be too busy to take lessons because their school days will be longer with heavier workloads. But am I pushing too much? I remember not wanting to practice and wanting to quit myself when I was a kid, but now I regret that I didn't continue because it would have been nice to have music as an outlet. But my parents gave into my kvetching and allowed me to quit. I don't want to make the same mistake.
PLEASE HELP!!!

twinkltoes

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 8:26 am

I really wanted my daughter to take piano as I did. She started lessons when she was around 7-ish. It was a disaster. She is very musical so I can't nail down what her problem with music and notes was exactly but she never got the hang of it. She couldn't get her brain around "when you go UP on the piano, the notes are HIGHER". I dunno. It was SO frustrating for her and me and the teacher. Even the teacher agreed that this was probably one child who piano was NOT for. I told my daughter that I wanted her to stick with it for one year and after that if she decided to quit that would be ok with me. AT least she would know what she was saying no to and she could always decide to go back to it. Of course she quit. But now she's begging for guitar lessons. She's not one to start something like this and stick with it so I'm hesitant to buy her the guitar and pay for lessons but I may tell her I will pay for a month of lessons and see how she does with it.

All that to say that if your kids have been taking lessons for a while like it sounds, I wouldn't push. Yes it's a good discipline but maybe it's time to move on to another discipline??? Pottery classes? Caligraphy classes? Karate classes? Tai Kwon Do? Etc.

anon

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 8:46 am

My story is different. I grew up taking piano lessons, and I was very enthusiastic about it. For many years I diligently practiced every single day without being told, I learned very quickly, and was always my teacher's favorite pupil. Once I started high school and my social life became very important, I still took piano seriously but didn't practice as often as before. Either way, by the time I got married and quit lessons, I was a solid player.

Now that I have a million things going on in my life...marriage, school, baby, I find that I rarely play. Sometimes I get really depressed about it...that I worked so hard all these years and now I'm losing it. And then a period will go by that I'll get into it again and play often. And then I'll stop. And all this from someone who loved it (and still loves it when I actually sit down to play).

I don't think my story is so rare. I know of others who played a lot when they were younger but kinda stopped once life got hectic. There are those that keep music a main focus of their life throughout adulthood, but I doubt that they are the ones that dragged their feet to lessons. And while you regret quitting, and fantasize about what life would be like if you could still play, just know that they are fantasies....and that if you did continue your lessons, it doesn't mean you would really be so into it now.

Point is, it seems like a huge waste of time and money if they're not into it.

chocolate moose ↓

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 9:02 am

As kids we were never allowed to quit anyting. I was prob. the only kid in high school still taking ballet, still in girl scouts, etc. I did quit violin at some point and my family is still up in arms about it !!!!!

With that in mind, I didn't raise my kids that way. Life is too busy and much too stressful.

If they're true prodigies and talented, then that's something else....but the music they already learned can be their "outlet", as it were.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 6:16 pm

My husband grew up studying violin, and like any typical 9-13 yr old....hated to practice and his parents would enforce a practicing schedule.

BH he grew out of it and embraced it, and his involvement in music is how he became frum.

I also wonder how much to enforce/to discipline re: lessons. Our kids aren't in that place (ie. not potty trained..). I certainly don't want routine fights about it.....but dh has a point: no kid wants to practice...no kid wants to make his bed or do dishes or homework.

Maybe there are ways to give incentives to practice or instead of going to daily 1 hr sessions (or whatever...) starting with 15 min....and if that's torture...maybe 5-10. There's also teaching kids that perserverance brings results, but also, if it's all just fighting....really is it worth it?

In the end, I think try to find someway to get the kids to stick with it, even if it's only minimal...just have a small set zman...have some little incentives. Maybe they'll just stick with it enough to afford them some opportunity to do something with it in the future if they end up wanting to.

↑ chocolate moose

Sun, Oct 07 2007, 6:39 pm

But some DO like to practice.

anon wrote:

↑ odchai

Wed, Oct 10 2007, 9:53 am

Thank you NJMommy your posting makes me feel much better. I am sitting here agonizing over forcing my kids to do something they don't want to do but my DH and I constantly remind ourselves that most kids have to be taught to do many things that will later become habit. That is how to raise kids. It's just nice to hear some reassurance about that every so often. Like teaching kids to brush their teeth, what kid learns that without being taught. Good habits need to be formed. It's always easier to just be lazy, but that really is not the Torah way. Boys need to learn that they will have to daven in a minyan and girls need to learn how to dress and act b'tznius. These are not traits that come automatically but must be instilled. I think I will tell the kids that I want them to meet this new teacher and give her a try, maybe till Chanukah and then we will reasses the situation. I don't want them to quit simply because they want to have more free time to play Gameboy!!