Candle in Bedroom on YK?

Ribbie Danzinger ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 3:58 pm

I was thinking about the reason for this minhag. I thought that maybe it has something to do with the kedushah of YK. Just as Shabbat night is a propitious time to be together with dh, the special kedushah of YK also imbues the day (night) with a special sense of love and closeness. The candle is to remind us that even though I may not be niddah at this time, it is still forbidden to be together, for YK's type of kedusha is in order to feel the special connection between ourselves and Hashem and not to express it individually between the couple.

(Romantic or not, the actual act of being together is generally forbidden by the light of a candle)

↑ amother

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 10:04 am

Funny to see this thread because DH mentioned this to me for the first time (at least that I remember) this year - until now either he was away or anyway the light shines in from the adjoining bathroom - so this year he said the bathroom light might be enough, but he'd like to leave a nightlight on in our room just in case - but just before YK the baby turned it off and we didn't notice until that night! Oh well! We tried!

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Sep 23 2007, 6:30 pm

Yeah, we used a yartzeit candle. The only thing that was annoying was in our new smaller bedroom it got very very warm....BH I left the fan on....

Also, women get dressed up on YK (vs. regular niddah days or Tisha B'Av), and it's a yom tov. Also, I don't know if this is al pi nistar or nigleh, but the Torah describes the closest a man can physically experience what's it like to truly love Hashem is how he feels when he is with his wife. So, since on YK we are trying to be closer to HAshem by being like angels...

It's also Shabbat Shabbaton....and Shabbos is usually a good time...

I know we do it, but I don't know if it's a minhag or halachah for us.

↑ Ribbie Danzinger

Mon, Oct 01 2007, 1:00 pm

At the end of mishnah Taanit it says that there were two special days for shidduchim: Yom Kippur and Tu B'av (the fifteenth of Av). These two days were when the girls all dressed in white and there was a festive atmosphere - something it may be difficult for us to imagine on YK nowadays, being that it is accepted as a "day of awe". This means that there is something very special about YK as far as shidduchim are concerned and leading from this, something special about the connection between husband and wife on this day too, a type of spiritual magnetism that is totally different from anything we may sense on a regular day, even when niddah, when the pull is generally from something far more physical. Nevertheless, the Torah prohibited marital intimacy on YK, which is why we put an extra reminder in the bedroom.

The truth is though, that I could find no mention of this minhag in any of the books I looked in. The original lighting of a yahrtzeit candle on Erev YK is as an ilui for deceased parents and/or to be used for lighting the havdalah candle on Motzei YK (the havdalah candle should be lit from a "ner sheshavat" - a fire that was alight throughout YK and not a fresh flame that was lit on Motzei YK). I did find that it is good to put that same candle in the bedroom, but no further information about it. If dh finds something more then bl"n I will post it later.

freidasima

Fri, Jan 04 2008, 4:00 am

Don't know why I wandered into this thread davka now, far after YK...but the minhag of leaving a candle is a simple one and has nothing to do with "that".
You have to make havdoloh over a "ner sheshovas", meaning a candle that was lit from before YK began. Hence the idea of leaving a candle burning for 25 hours and the best kind with which to do that in modern days is a yahrzeit candle which we know will stay lit for 25 hours...just makes it down the line to use after chag.
The idea of keeping it in the bedroom has nothing to do with "that". Once upon a time people only had one room, it was the living room, dining room, bedroom, anything but the kitchen which was in the courtyard, and the bathroom you should excuse me, which was outside. So the candle was just kept in the "room".
Why did it become a bedroom? Who knows...
But that's the halachic (not kabbalistic) origin of keeping a candle...