YK just ended and I'm already over on an issur.

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur

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amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:29 pm

Well Yom Kippur just ended and I've already sinned. I said baruch hamavdil and ate. I did not wait for havdala. I feel as though I've just ruined my year. YK just ended and the second it ends, I sin. The worst is I asked. I asked dh and he gave me the wrong info. - he said I could eat. So now, I fell off of the YK high and am low very low. This past year was horrible. I had a horrible living condition, I have not been able to get preg. and now I feel like the year that is before me is going to be just as bad if not worse. YK ended and I'm already over on a HUGE issur. How can things get better if this is how I started my year? Crying

Helani ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:33 pm

My husband asked our rav today and he said to say baruch hamavdil and not wait for havdalah. So don't be upset, you didn't do anything wrong.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:35 pm

What??? Did anyone else get this psak? We've been stressing about it all night! I cried!

Yakira

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:36 pm

I heard it's a minhag, not halacha.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:41 pm

Quote:

I heard it's a minhag, not halacha.

What is?

↑ Helani

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:44 pm

amother, I got the same psak from two ravs (one a few years back and one today). so it's probably a common one.

TzenaRena

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:50 pm

amother wrote:

Well, the minute Yom Kippur is over, we daven maariv, and in the shmoneh esrai, we say s'lach lonu, when we were just forgiven for our sins, you'd think we have nothing to day it for yet? I once heard an explanation for this, and will try to post it if I can find it out from someone.

Btw, the first day of Sukkos is called "rishon l'chesbon avonos" the first day in the reckoning of sins, up till then, we are considered pure of sin, we go right from YK into the preparations of the mitzvah of Sukkah and arba minim, and Hashem sees how much we love to do mitzvos, and doesn't count our aveiros! Then, on the first day of Sukkos, when we go out with our lulav and esrog, it symbolizes ammunition and is counted as a sign of victory (nitzachon) over the forces that seek to prosecute us. "anan netzuchaiah!" so amother, don't feel bad. Hashem views us as innocent! Thumbs Up

greenfire ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:52 pm

hey cheer up it is so not an aveira to eat when the fast is over = did you say "boruch hamavdil" that would be sufficient - and at the end of everyday one should repent - look in maariv for motzei yk ... right away we say סלח לנו...

miriam

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 6:55 pm

As far as I know it is a halacha, if you have no havdala you have to wait at least 3 days before being allowed to eat, and a heter for one person doesn't apply to another.

BUT

Hashem created teshuva for a reason. People are not perfect, people make mistakes.

That's why there is tehsuvah, and that's what hashem wants from you - teshuvah in a mistake not perfection.

In fact it assur to be down because of things like this (of course you need to be down for a little while as you feel bad about the wrong you did - but do NOT let it eat you longer than that). Do a sincere teshuvah and stay happy.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 7:03 pm

Well, I'm already doing major teshuva for it, and thank you for all of your responses...

Dh just called our Rav who says that while it's a machlokes whether women have to do havdala, in this instance we are machmir. However, b'dieved, it's not so bad to just say baruch hamavdil.

I just wish it hadn't happed. And now, horrible of horrible, I'm starting to resent dh for telling me to eat. I feel like my whole fast was for naught. And, when he called the Rabbi to ask him, he never said that he told me to eat.

I have to get over this, I just feel terrible about the whole thing and feel like I just ruined my year.

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 7:11 pm

another imamother -----
think good and things will be good . stay positive .

BrachaVHatzlocha ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 7:18 pm

Amother,
B'dieved it's fine, so don't worry. If you keep stressing over it, I'm afraid it might be your yetzer hora doing that -- seriously. He tries to put you down when you don't need to!
have a good year and think positive!

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 7:57 pm

Don't forget there are 3 things we do to be m'chaper from R"H thru Hoshana Rabba: tashlich, Kaparos, Hoshanos.

If you were misinformed, you're not at fault.

↑ BrachaVHatzlocha

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 8:05 pm

if you are oveir a d'rabanun (rabbinic) b'shogeg, some say you don't have to do teshuva. In your case it's not even shogeg, it's ones, because you had asked. So you're potur.
I hope you've stopped beating yourself up.

Squash

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 8:27 pm

DON'T let this come between your husband and yourself!!!!!!

This is a wonderful tactic of the yetzer hora! (and successful!!) DON'T let him win!!!!! You got the answer from your rav, it wasn't a terrible thing to do, now MOVE ON!! Creating Machlokes is MUCH worse!!

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 8:37 pm

First of all eating before havdalah after saying boruch hamavdel has no bearing what so ever on your fast , if you fasted - then you have a complete fast . the issue is an issue of eating before havdalah which is an issue every motzei shabbos by the way. - second since you asked and you listened to what you were told it sounds like no more then a ones or shogeg karov l'ones - - it sounds like this is causing you to be depressed which is for sure a bigger issue - - - - we are starting now zman simchaseinu please rejoice in the fact that we have just been given kaparos avonos and move on to be able to be mekaim all the beautiful mitzvos that are coming this week ....... behatzlacha

↑ amother ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 9:13 pm

OP here thanks so much for all of your comments, they made me feel much better. For one of the amothers, I know you're not supposed to eat before havdala normally, but I thought it would be different this week.

Oh well, I made a mistake and I will look forward to the many mitzvos in the coming weeks.

Thank you all for making me feel a bit better. I'm still down, but IY"h I'm get back up and banish my yetza hora Smile

Mama Bear

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 10:06 pm

I did something way worse a few years ago - on motzei rosh hashana I drank a coffee, not realizing that 6 hours had not passed from our late seudah... we're all human!

GAMZu

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 10:55 pm

It's good that you feel so bad about doing an aveira! Very Happy

Don't worry, it's not such a terrible one. It didn't affect your fast, you did it b'shogeg, and there's always a chance for teshuva.
And everything else written above. Hatzlacha in the coming year!

↑ greenfire ↓

Sat, Sep 22 2007, 11:10 pm

man if those are your only avairos ... you should see what others do and they don't even care ...

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