feeling torn about going to shul

amother ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 6:40 am

im having a dilemma abt whether I should go to shul or not on rosh hashana. I have 2 young children and I really do believe that my avodah is to be with them and not to be in shul- on shabbos and even on rosh hashana. on the other hand, there is no shofar for ladies after davening so I need to get a babysitter anyway to go hear 30 kollos. so then im thinking I might as well stay a bit if I'm there.
after all, I would leave my kids with a babysitter if I need to go somewhere during the year, so why is is different to leave them on rosh hashana? the truth is there is a difference bec. I usually get jewish babysitters and on R"H I'd obviously need to get someone not jewish.
lastly I've also had a very hard year emotionally. I feel spiritually drained and think it might be good for me to really be able to daven without someone hanging on to my skirt.
sorry this is so jumbled but I have all these conflicting thoughts pulling at me- I'd like to hear how others deal w this tension.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:00 am

I don't think it's bad to leave your children for a couple hours to hear shofar (mitzva d'oraisa that you are mechuyav in!!) and maybe daven musaf. Like you said, you wouldn't think twice about leaving them on a different day for such a short period of time. Is there a girl maybe that can watch them? Maybe even in a playground somewhere near/outside the shul? That way you don't need to send them to a [gentile]...

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:01 am

chocolate moose wrote:

you ALL should hear the shofar. don't worry, you won't be the only mom there with kids.

I don't think it's a good idea to bring your children unless you are absolutely sure they won't make noise during tkiyas shofar. It's not right otherwise!!

creativemommyto3

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:06 am

amother wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

you ALL should hear the shofar. don't worry, you won't be the only mom there with kids.

I don't think it's a good idea to bring your children unless you are absolutely sure they won't make noise during tkiyas shofar. It's not right otherwise!!

True, that is why there are separate shofar blowings for women, so that their dh can watch the kids while they go. Some women take turns to watch each others kids so the other can go to shul.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:16 am

[quote="amother"][quote="chocolate moose"]you ALL should hear the shofar. don't worry, you won't be the only mom there with kids.[/quote]

I don't think it's a good idea to bring your children unless you are absolutely sure they won't make noise during tkiyas shofar. It's not right otherwise!![/quote]

well I have 3 kids bah, under the age of 2 1/2 and I plan on taking them to shul. why should they miss out on shofar. true kids are kids. I will keep then in as long as I can...bh for my mom and sisters who can help me and we have a playroom in shul so I can take them in there also.

BeershevaBubby ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:17 am

If the shul hasn't arranged a women's shofar blowing, then I would suggest you get on the phone Sunday and start making calls... organize it yourself.. surely there's someone in your neighborhood who can blow shofar for a group of women...

Pickle Lady ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:23 am

At the shuls I go to, its a given that there will be children at shofar blowing.

If you need some spiritual uplifting go to a shiur or host a shiur in your home for some friends.

greenfire

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:30 am

chocolate moose wrote:

you ALL should hear the shofar. don't worry, you won't be the only mom there with kids.

surprised this is from you ... shock

anyways go hear it where you can ... and no if the children are too little and known to be noisy they should not be there ... if on the otherhand they are of the understanding how quiet it must be and are capable ... take them with a (quiet) nosh bag for the 30 ish min. ... they do have womens tekias for a reason ... good luck !!!

drumjj

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 7:39 am

hiya I totally understand u. I have to little kids who wont sit still although they go to shul every week because their father is the rabbi and the whole time they want to go and sit with him but they cant because he davens but I have to go and I usually get no davening done because all im doing is looking after the kids and a rebbetzin once told my friend that when u have little kids they are more important than davening but on the other hand for yom kippur im def getting a babysitter so I can go to shul and have a bit of time so I think a babysitter is a good idea if u want to go to shul and my babysitter isnt jewish. we have in our shul a room with loads of toys just for occasions like this and this year have also arranged childcare there so that the mothers with little kids can go into shul and we dont actually have that many little ones in our shul.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 1:20 pm

OP here again.
the rabbi of our shul does not allow having a women's shofar blowing. he also doesnt allow another reading of zachor for women- long story. my husband is the assistant rabbi but theres nothing he or anyone on the board can do abt it. I cant really go to another shul cause it would look funny. I could get someone to come to my house and blow for me but I feel bad being matriach them.
im def. not taking the kids bec. they would be too noisy and I cant handle both of them by myself in shul.
so I guess im getting a babysitter and I'll try and make the best of it. I just feel like I dont want to make the wrong choice on one of the holiest days of the yr and leave my kids when davening is really not my avodah.
fyi- women are not mechuyav in shofar mideoraisah, its a minhag they took upon themselves

TammyTammy ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 2:11 pm

amother wrote:

I'm confused -- does he not allow a "public" women's blowing, or does he not even allow anyone to blow privately for a woman? Would he allow your DH to blow for you?

Tammy

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 3:56 pm

if another shul is better for you, why not go elsewhere? we have a woman who davens occasionally with us whose husband has a shul elsewhere.

they both do what is good for them.

↑ Pickle Lady ↓

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 6:17 pm

Bring snaks for the kids. Thats what I do and all the other moms that bring thier kids. If there mouths are full then that can't make as much noise.

↑ Pickle Lady

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 6:37 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Not everyone has an eruv!

shofar blowing is on rosh hashana which is a yom tov and you can carry on a yom tov. there is no shofar blowing on shabbos. Carrying is not a problem on the days that she is concerned about.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 6:48 pm

Pickle Lady wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

Not everyone has an eruv!

shofar blowing is on rosh hashana which is a yom tov and you can carry on a yom tov. there is no shofar blowing on shabbos. Carrying is not a problem on the days that she is concerned about.

I didn't mean for the shofar, but as a whole I hear about women who say it's easy to bring the kids to shul because you bring stuff to keep them occupied, but it's not always possible. Or you do it anyway, but I wouldn't. You wouldn't believe on YK how many kids are there, and how many of them eat their snacks inside the shul or play with their noisy toys!