Bothered by Neighbors kimcha d'pischA

↑ thunderstorm ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:21 am

lfab wrote:

Wow! I can't believe how many people are attacking the OP. Making her out to be a jealous, bitter woman. Nowhere did she say she didn't want people who needed it to get packages and help for yom tov. She never even said she didn't want this specific neighbor of hers to get the help. Her biggest complaint was against the organizations that are giving out these packages. Why are they raising the bar? Noone said anywhere that those receiving help need to live off of potatoes and water for the week. Give them chicken, grape juice, eggs, cheese, apples, melons, peppers, cucumbers, even some yogurts (which are not particularly cheap!). Even include a roast or two, because yes it's yom tov. But multiple meats? Or the most expensive cuts? The kids need new shoes? Give them $30 or so towards a new pair for each, no need for $80 shoes. Kids should have a new outfit for yom tov? Again $30 per child, maybe more for older boys who need a suit. My own kids each got an $18 dress from childrens place for yom tov. Even with needing to buy matching shells it's still under $30 per outfit. B"H I'm able to afford that expense and I have no complaints. But if it's good enough for those of us who are working then shouldn't a $30 outfit from children's place, tjmaxx, H&M, etc. be good enough for those receiving this help too? This is why I am so careful which organizations I give my tzedaka money to. I want my money to go towards actual needs not luxuries. If I found out the money I gave to give someone chicken or matzah for pesach really went toward purchasing expensive clothes or fancy headbands (items I would never ever be able to justify purchasing for myself) I'd be furious.

She explained it's coming from an organization within Skver. Their standards are higher in that community, so the organization is suiting their standards. Also, people in Skver don't eat ALOT of products on Pesach, so giving a case of mangoes I a replacement for nosh and snacks for the kids . The fact is in the Skver community it is common for men not to work and have extremely large families. They subsist off the government and it's a way of life most can't comprehend. It's how they are raised. I would not say they are intentionally mooching off the system. They just think this "normal" because that's what is considered "normal" in their town.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:33 am

The mango isn't a replacement for nosh & snacks.. they got that too! As you said, skvere does it all the way.

↑ alis_al_kulana ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:37 am

Lo sachmod. It's the tenth commandment.

amother

Plum ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:59 am

She’s not saying she’s jealous.
Just hardworking people give tzedakka money and it’s used for others who don’t even try to help themselves.
Many of the same people have numerous children and again expect everyone else to pay for them wether it’s through community organizations that help with food, clothing, etc.. or with (back to this) tuition breaks.
I know this was discussed, but having a husband on the board and tuition committee of my children’s schools I can tell you that full payers do cover the cost of others scholarships.
The equation of how much the basic tuition cost is calculated by how much is “really” needed to run a school, now hike it up a few thousand because lots of kids won’t pay full. Then ask those same people who are paying already to give to dinners... because “even less came in then expected. Well what do you expect if a parent has 10 kids and the wife can’t work because she wants to be home with her kids? How can they pay”
Sorry for the rant but for those of you who don’t see it, or are asked to contribute, you wouldn’t understand

↑ alis_al_kulana ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:02 am

Yeah. Sorry. That's the definition of jealousy wanting what you see in someone else's life

amother

↑ Mistyrose ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:07 am

alis_al_kulana wrote:

Yeah. Sorry. That's the definition of jealousy wanting what you see in someone else's life

Where did she say she wanted people to deliver her boxes of food?

If I was unhappy with the way my tzadaka dollars were being used - I'd find a different place to give to. That solves it for me.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:08 am

Alis al kulana, I didn't say I'm jealous, I said I'm bothered. And I'm not the only one that is bothered by this. But I got over it & im going on. The system will always be broken & crooked. We will always be paying for the people that don't pay......

das ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:08 am

thunderstorm wrote:

I'm very surprised to hear that. I don't know much about skver but was under the impression that it is a place where blue collar work was not stigmatized and working for a living was the norm.

Re the op, it seems like she's feeling frustrated about her financial situation, being unable to buy her own children clothing for yom tov, and is expressing it by complaining about her neighbor.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:10 am

And don't get me started on the people that don't pay taxes yet somehow get thousands of dollars in "tax return" & the people that do pay tons of taxes, still yet have to pay more & get nothing back at tax season..... it's all part of our broken & corrupted system. So we need to make peace that this is it & nothing will change.

↑ das ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:10 am

amother wrote:

In what way are YOU paying for these people?

amother

↑ Khaki

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:15 am

The $ is most likely fundraised within Skver, from their own people.

amother

↑ Plum ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:16 am

Das, by contributing to organizations that help pay for these things.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:17 am

das, where do you think the tons of taxes that people working on the books is going to??? To everyone else's food stamps & Medicaid!!
My full tuition is also covering the people's that get a break. So yes, we're paying for it.
And bh bh I'm very happy with our financial situation. We can bh afford new clothes & shoes for our kids even if it's not $120. I'm just frustrated at the system, that's it! Discussion closed, I'm happy & at peace. I'm going back to my cleaning!

↑ thunderstorm ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:23 am

das wrote:

You are right the blue collar workers are not stigmatized , but from the thousands of people there only hundreds are working. That's a whole other conversation for a different thread.

amother

↑ Mistyrose ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:25 am

amother wrote:

Das, by contributing to organizations that help pay for these things.

So don't.

DREAMING

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:34 am

I think that if someone is ok taking tzedakah boxes when the can afford to buy their own (or work to afford their own) that in an of itself is a sickness.

↑ das ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:01 pm

amother wrote:

Das, by contributing to organizations that help pay for these things.

As an amother said above, so don't contribute to places that you think are squandering your money. And jade, if you are in such a tight spot financially that you cant afford new clothing I highly doubt you are paying a tax rate high enough to be subsidizing other ppls food stamps, insurance etc. The taxes you pay probably hardly covers the basic govt services you receive.

In any event, if you were the only person on earth you'd still have exactly the things and be in the exact same situation you are now. It is G-d who decides what you will have and when you will have it and nobody, not even your mooching neighbor can change that.

↑ das

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:02 pm

Oh, I see you posted above that you can afford clothing. But didn't you say upthread that you can't?

dancingqueen ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 12:12 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

So what do they do, learn? I’m assuming the wives don’t work either.

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 1:01 pm

They do nothing. They sit home. Some learn most don't.