Not My Teen | Imamother

amother ↓

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 3:25 pm

The history is complicated...the current situation is that DH and I have taken in my famale teenage cousin who has been more or less parentless her whole life and hasen't had a real home life atomosphere in 5+ years (boarding school, different familes etc). At the moment my mom has official custody of her, but my parents are burnt out from her crazy behavior -- talking back, failing school, makeup, clothing style, not participating in family/household life, ang generally being disrespectful. She has been with us over the summer, and since DH and I have always had a unique relationship with her - we try to let her be who she while giving her rules instead of trying to impose our will (as my mother does) onto her. Most of the time she has been very well behaved. Helping out and more or less listening to the rules we have given her. At the moment we are trying to have her go to a school near us and live with us.
I feel like we are nuts! DH works multiple jobs, I work have one child and am expecting another. Moreso, what do we know about raising a teen with problems!? We are just barely more than teenages ourselves! I have no clue what she feels about her 'history', she never talks about it. Thank G-d she has no interest in drugs or alcohol. But are we nuts? Is this something that is fair to do to our (growing) family?
I know this is an odd situation, but any advice would be appreciated.

Ribbie Danzinger

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 3:59 pm

Wow amother, you're doing such a big chessed for this girl, giving her a loving home and comfortable limits that she can live with. Hashem gives us the koach to do these things if we really want to and it sounds like you are successfully managing to do it.
With lots of love and lots of prayer, I'm sure that you will be able to cope with all that you need to, as you have been doing up until now.

YISHAR KOACH!!

small bean

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 4:04 pm

When I was in high school there was a girl in my class with a very similiar backround. she lived by her cousin who had 1 kid who was about 4. it actually worked out very well because they understood her diffrently then the older people she stayed by before. She grew alot those 2 years that she lived there and then went on to a seminary in israel. I have spoken with her cousin who said it was very hard at times, she just kept reminding herself that she is doing the best she can do and with hashems help thing would work out.

Good Luck.

↑ amother

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 7:39 pm

OP here. Thanks Small Bean, I have to say that is the most encouraging thing I have heard yet. I know it is going to be hard (especially since school starts tomorrow and I don't know if she's going yet!!!) but knowing that someone else did something this crazy and it worked out ok gives me some hope.

southernbubby

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 8:41 pm

At least the light at the end of the tunnel is that eventually she will graduate and be able to live on her own. It is not the same as taking in a seriously handicapped youngster whose care is forever. This situation is self-limiting.