Pay for kibbud? | Imamother

imasoftov ↓

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 2:31 am

shoshanim999 wrote:

It's quite standard for shuls to sell aliyos and other kibudim at the holiest time of the year, like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, to the highest bidder with no qualms about what type of person will receive the kibbud. The biggest check wins. Many if not most shuls do this. The op really isn't doing anything different- Selling kibbudim for needed money.

In my family we won't go to shuls where that happens.

↑ imasoftov

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 2:45 am

ROFL wrote:

I have heard of people selling the oppurtunity Of getting the Kibud to name your child - where the person pays you to name your son a specific name

If I've heard of this before I've repressed the memory.

amother

Pumpkin ↓

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 2:53 am

shoshanim999 wrote:

The Young Israel movement was formed in part because people found this practice so off-putting. My shul doesn't sell aliyahs because of the way it introduces money into what should be the spiritual experience of tefilla.

I have never heard of paying for the kavod of being sandak, but if it's not considered tasteless in the OP's community, then ok.

↑ leah233 ↓

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 5:52 am

amother wrote:

Giving your money to a shul epitomizes a spiritual experience. It is using something as mundane as money in a spiritual elevated way .

I don't believe that anyone in my shul bidding on aliyos is doing it because they are looking for kovod. Or wants the Aliyah so badly (in a non spiritual sense) that they would pay so much for it.They are doing it for zchiyos.

Shoshana37

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 6:10 am

This is sefardi costom. We however never wanted anything for it although we desperately needed. My brother received 5k from his FIL for sendak.
my husband thinks it’s all business transaction and will not go to any Shul if they make business out of
Mitzvos. I think if people have and give on their own is completely different story they should not announce it in public for donating and or making contributions to Shul.
My advice to you OP go to school and try to discuss your finances issue I’m sure they will give you a break.

amother

↑ Pumpkin ↓

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 7:28 am

leah233 wrote:

[/b]

Giving your money to a shul epitomizes a spiritual experience. It is using something as mundane as money in a spiritual elevated way .

I don't believe that anyone in my shul bidding on aliyos is doing it because they are looking for kovod. Or wants the Aliyah so badly (in a non spiritual sense) that they would pay so much for it.They are doing it for zchiyos.

The difference (nice to think about as we are between Truma and Titzaveh) is whether money is mentioned during the tefilla or not. People gave to the Mishkan before it was built. After that, there's no entrance fee.

And if you think no one who bids on an aliyah is doing it for kavod, I've got a bridge to sell you....

↑ leah233

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

I don't think the bolded is correct. There was no entrance fee but Parshas Shekolim was two weeks ago.

I don't know what goes on elsewhere but in my shul no one is bidding on aliyos for kovod.

(It would be a terrible investment if they were...)

amother

↑ Pumpkin

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 8:49 am

leah233 wrote:

Shekalim is the annual campaign. Not the same as paying admission. (Yes, you pay for a Korban, but only as needed and sometimes on a sliding scale.)

If you don't think men are buying aliyos for kavod, try fundraising for the shul without the public sales. Betcha the income goes down. People like having others know how much they paid. It's ego gratification wrapped in religion.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 11:07 am

OP, Mazel Tov!

My grandfather very much wanted to be sandek as it is a segula for many things. He would offer to pay for the bris if was given the opportunity to be sandek in addition to a large cash gift to the baby's parents.

At my fourth son's bris we didn't have anyone to offer the kibbid to, and so my husband was sandek. The night before when my brothers heard what my dh planned on, they started a bidding war on the kibbid. We didn't need the money then and my dh wouldn't sell the kibbid.

It's definitely heard of, and there are certainly people that are willing to pay for it.

Mazel Tov again! May you be a healthy mom!

amother

↑ Chartreuse

Mon, Feb 19 2018, 11:27 am

amother wrote:

Thank u for 'getting' it! I feel like ppl are judging me for selling my sons soul or something when in fact it feels like a beautiful idea that he will bring about real torah learning!(my sons yeshiva won't pressure parents for money and they do incredible work! I know every dollar will be used to pay rebbeim and not marble flooring) it's not about my debt with them. I think its a smart idea if unusual. Any serious inquiries let me know