Pay for kibbud? | Imamother

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Pay for kibbud?

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amother

Chartreuse ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 10:46 am

I gave birth to a baby boy and already gave the kibbudim at my previous sons bris. We owe alot of money to our sons yeshiva and we wondered if perhaps someone with financial means would pay a large amount to our sons yeshiva in exchange for being Sandek at our sons bris in brooklyn.

enneamom

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 10:50 am

Don't look at ME!

Kidding. I never heard of this, but that doesn't mean anything.

amother

Beige ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 10:52 am

Sounds awful to me.

leah233 ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 11:00 am

This is something I heard of but it isn't a common thing.

Perhaps the way you should put it is : "if you are willing to help me pay for the chinuch of my children I will give you sandak at my son's bris"

IOW this isn't a business transaction. Both paying for Talmud Torah and being sandek are zhcuios and I'm offering you both. Paying for Talmud torah is an easy zchus to get so I'm offering you sandek too if you do it for my child

amother

↑ Chartreuse ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 12:31 pm

Thankslea233 for clarification
Anyone interested?#

Mommyg8 ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 12:35 pm

I'm a little confused, because we usually try to pick a tzadik or a Rav for sandek, as the sandek has a spiritual influence on the child. Are you saying that you would compromise his spiritual future for money?

happyone

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 12:55 pm

On my list of most absurd questions. Seriously. A kibud is to show respect not demand paying toward getting it. Your tuition woes have nothing to do with brothers bris.

There's something I'm missing?

shoshanim999 ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 1:09 pm

happyone wrote:

Where did she "demand" anything? She is having a financial issue with her yeshiva and is trying to figure out a clever way to resolve it. I didn't notice any demands, what are you talking about? Also, It's not like she said that she's trade the sandik position if somebody would sponsor for her a marble bathroom with a hot-tub. I've never personally heard of this, but at least she is being honest, open and above board about it. The money will go to a yeshiva so it's in the realm of a ruchniyus deal.

↑ Mommyg8

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 1:11 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

I like your attitude.

amother

↑ Chartreuse ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 2:23 pm

Thanks shoshanim999 for helping me out here...post birth and all I appreciate that. To clarify with people that think I am crazy I should backup a bit and explain some. We are super normal people and would never do anything to compromise on our beliefs or future of our children. I assure you we have a terrific reputation as being a happy healthy home. Over time with dif job issues we fell behind on tuition and my sons yeshiva is very understanding. I believe it's the most important bill to be paid and it hurts us every day that we owe them. I figure maybe there is someone who appreciates helping chinuch(they would send the money straight to my sons yeshiva) and would appreciate being a sandak. It's out of the box. I get that. But I figure why not try. If the guy is a crook or doesn't sit right w me I wouldn't accept. But there are many wonderful ppl out there I'd think it's an honorable exchange. Please realize we gave this kibbud to the rosh yeshivas and zaidys already so it's not like anyone major would be getting it if not.
(Lots of sons kah and we would only do it for alot of money...no offense but for a small amount it would feel petty to make a deal but its a substantial amount that would intice us to do something so odd)

amother

Blonde

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 2:57 pm

It appears that you are being Mechabed the individuals money as opposed to the person himself. I think it would be wiser not to make a big bris, just a minyan of 10 men etc in shul with 10 bagels and egg salad and take all the money that you would've spent on the bris and give it to the yeshiva. I've done such a bris before, so I'm not just talking.

amother

↑ Beige

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 3:23 pm

I still don’t get why someone would pay a substantial amount for it. Also, it feels off to use something Ruchniyusdik like this as an opportunity for fundraising. And yes, I have an issue with Kupat Hair and all those shenanigans. Personally it doesn’t sit well with me but if it works for you, go for it!

ROFL

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 4:58 pm

I have heard of people selling the oppurtunity Of getting the Kibud to name your child - where the person pays you to name your son a specific name

↑ shoshanim999

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 5:08 pm

amother wrote:

It's quite standard for shuls to sell aliyos and other kibudim at the holiest time of the year, like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, to the highest bidder with no qualms about what type of person will receive the kibbud. The biggest check wins. Many if not most shuls do this. The op really isn't doing anything different- Selling kibbudim for needed money.

amother

Pink

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 5:20 pm

I attended a bris that someone asked to be the sandek in exchange of paying for the bris and seuda
How much do you have in mind?

shanie5 ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 6:47 pm

Sandek is a segulah for children. I know people who have paid to have the honor of Sandek. 1 only had girls and wanted a boy, the other wanted children. The money was used for the bris itself, but I don't see why it can't be used for tuition.

amother

Mustard ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 6:49 pm

I thought sandek was a segulah for wealth and kvatter for child?

↑ shanie5

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 7:12 pm

At least 1 of those men I mentioned was told to be Sandek as a segulah for children. He was also told to pay tuition for a child in yeshiva as a segulah. So this would be 2 birds with 1 stone.

amother

↑ Chartreuse ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 10:00 pm

amother wrote:

I attended a bris that someone asked to be the sandek in exchange of paying for the bris and seuda
How much do you have in mind?

Over 10k. Like I said. I'm not trying to 'get' someones money- plenty wealthy ppl who give lots to tzedaka. I would be asking it go to my sons yeshiva.
Are you asking out of curiosity or do u have someone in mind.

amother

↑ Chartreuse ↓

Sun, Feb 18 2018, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

That brought a smile to my face. Whether rich or not we never made a bris with more than 10-12 ppl and bagels and egg salad. I don't believe in spending on simchas and we never have.

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