Downstairs neighbors keep complaining about the noise

InnerMe ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:29 am

Oy, this sounds stressful.
What's your general relationship with this neighbor? If it's a friendly one, then a reasonable neighbor should be able to understand that there's a limit to what you can do here. But if you take an interest and show that you genuinely care.. it may ease tensions. Perhaps have a sit down conversation.. .and see what are some ways both of you can compromise. Maybe she'll say it's overhead her bedroom that drives her insane. Maybe it's a certain sound, if it's just running/walking then there's nothing you can really do about it.. But let her tell you what works. Maybe she's allergic to the scratching .

Basically shift the conversation to her, and allow her to come up with solutions. Explain to her that your in it together,and you'd love to make her life more pleasant, and that you genuinely hear and care about her concerns. You never know where this conversation may lead you. Perhaps both of you can divide the cost of carpeting. Work together to meet somewhere in the middle. That way she feels like her concerns are being heard, and you feel like she hears you, and you're not constantly awaiting her wrath.

Also perhaps this will be the push to seriously consider a move.

ceebee

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 3:26 am

Some people who live in apartments have unreasonable expectations for quiet as if they are living in their own house.
I went through this a few times but the one that stands out was a completely unreasonable downstairs neighbor who would bang on the ceiling when I dropped something on the floor like a phone or if I quietly walked to the bathroom in middle of the night. Sometimes he’d come upstairs and knock on my door because I was too “noisy”, mind you I’d take off my shoes and had no music or running or anything loud going on, just normal living and walking around. It came to a point where I had to start ignoring him because he was just being irrational and I couldn’t appease him no matter what. It sounds like you already made accommodations (kids not wearing shoes, in bed at a decent hour) but your kids need to be kids and this is living in an apartment. If the neighbors want silence they can move into their own private home. I don’t understand people who live in apartments and have such type of thinking. I always heard my neighbors in apartment buildings. That’s just part of life in apartments.

watergirl ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 6:47 am

This isnt a Brooklyn thing. This is an apartment living thing. I’ve been on the bottom before I had kids and I am ashamed to admit, the normal noise bothered my (ex) husband so much, I totally got caught up in it and also got mean on occasion. Years later, like 2 years ago (look for my threads on this), we moved into an apartment. We lived right above the landlord. He rented to us knowing we had little kids and only requested we be quiet after 10pm. But he started yelling at us from day 1 and after a year of being neurotic about the noise level, yelling at her kids to stop jumping, not allowing anybody to wear shoes that any point inside, and other attempts at lowering our noise level, I was a nervous wreck and we left.

Yes, kids are kids, but when you choose to live in an upstairs apartment, you have to understand that it comes with a social contract - you have to change your lifestyle a bit and be as understanding as possible. You can teach your kids to walk in the house and run outside. I did. No shoes ever inside. Pick up chairs, dont drag them. My kids were young like yours. You do what you can do or you leave.

Alhough there is also a social contract when one chooses to live in a downstairs apartment - you have to deal with the noise that comes.

I know its hard! Like I said, my family was a nervous wreck and we had to leave as soon as the year was up.

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:05 am

This is the reality of living in an apartment when people under you have adults or different schedules. This is also a reality if you are in an attached house with thin walls such that your neighbors' kids dont live there anymore so they expect quiet.

Kids are kids and usually get up early and are noisy. This is life. Someone complained when we were going to the bus early in the morning that my kids are too loud and she is trying to sleep bc she works at night. Well then I started to pay attention to others' kids coming home late and they were noisy when my kids were sleeping. This is the reality of life bc we all have different schedules and stages of life. There will always be someone complaining. I tried to choose an apt on the first floor to avoid downstairs complaining.

amother

↑ Indigo ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:18 am

Squishy wrote:

6 a.m. is very early for a playground overhead. Noise complaints are the number 1 quality of life issue in NYC. What do you expect the neighbors to do? Shouldn't they tell their upstairs neighbor who is in a position to do something?

Isn't there some responsibility and consideration for the downstairs tenant especially 6 a.m.?

So WHAT do you suggest?
That's when kids wake up. They aren't wearing shoes. They aren't jumping to morah music. Just regular playing. But yes, it makes noise.

↑ ra_mom ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:23 am

amother wrote:

So WHAT do you suggest?
That's when kids wake up. They aren't wearing shoes. They aren't jumping to morah music. Just regular playing. But yes, it makes noise.

They should play in the side of the house that's not over bedrooms at that time in the AM.
And make them wear shoes. Tongue Out

I liked to sleep in the extra basement bedroom when I was a teen and learned all about the stampeding sounds of soft bare feet while I was down there. I used to make my brother crazy about it but boy did shoes or slippers make a difference.

amother

↑ Indigo

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:30 am

ra_mom wrote:

They should play in the side of the house that's not over bedrooms at the time in the AM.
And make them wear shoes. Tongue Out

They do play only in the front. But then one needs the bathrrom. Another needs to get a toy from the bedroom. And I am the running police.
They wear socks. But not shoes.
My whole quality of life has changed. I get less sleep. Yell at my kids way way too often. And my shalom bayis has suffered too.
All because of my anxiety of my nasty neighbour.

amother

Amber

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:32 am

ra_mom wrote:

They should play in the side of the house that's not over bedrooms at that time in the AM.
And make them wear shoes. Tongue Out

Not doubting your experience but how can this be? It's counter-intuitive. Shoes hit the floor with so much more impact than bare feet. Maybe this was unique to the house that you lived in?

↑ ra_mom ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:32 am

amother wrote:

I'm so sorry OP. Sad

It really sounds awful. I'd be going crazy too. It sounds like they're making your life miserable. Sad

↑ 33055 ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:51 am

amother wrote:

So WHAT do you suggest?
That's when kids wake up. They aren't wearing shoes. They aren't jumping to morah music. Just regular playing. But yes, it makes noise.

I suggest you change your mindset if you want peace with your downstairs neighbors. Get some area rugs from Wayfair for $15.95 and let your kids play quietly on them. Institute quiet and soft hours between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. Maybe they play with puppets instead of trucks. Tell the kids we use only indoor voices and no running. Don't pull out chairs at the table. Lift them. Yes, kids are kids, but they can be taught early on to be considerate of neighbors.

Your attitude is they are kids and tough on the people downstairs. You don't think they are reasonable. They are probably on their last nerve at this point and think you are self centered.

Kids can be controlled. Some parents don't want to bother or don't realize this. My kids always sat quietly at Shabbos tables and resturant tables from an early age. They never got up without permission. They didn't touch things when we were in other houses. They didn't run indoors. I am far from unique.

amother

Orchid ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 8:26 am

amother wrote:

I understand your pain!! I’m in similar situation but much worse cuz of my neighbors threats and harassment to me and my kids!!
Same thing-noise!! She complained abt normal 7 pm noise which I told her I’ll only go out of my way when she acts decent with the other stuff (putting smelly garbages in the hallway -sometimes 3/4 at a time-or blocking the entrance/exit with a locked double carriage thereby making it a huge safety/fire hazard!I asked very nicely for some menchlichkeit /adherence to safety but only got threats in response. This woman is a classic narcissist and her family has a name for being very hard people to get along with. It became so bad that I have ptsd from her. She started waking me and my family up at 5/6 am from massive banging on the walls with feet. Trucks. Drums. Brooms. Crazy!! I was physically blocked from leaving my house cuz she stood in my way bending over and literally taking up entire stairs. I was locked out of my front door by her in front of my nose!(key lock which we never use and I didn’t have key to get in) me and my husband were threatened for “touching her hallway” (it’s a public hallway and she kept tons of storage which fell and blocked the door from opening and we had to move it aside. Which she got MAD over!! But instead of understanding it’s a exit not a shed she exploded and threatened) she threw my property out onto street numerous times-be it my kids expensive scooters or my ups delivery-and had her mom call and threaten me too. U won’t believe how disgusting she spoke to my husband. Badmouthing me with lies and accusing me of nonsense. Speaking about her private stuff(pregnancy nausea) and saying ur messing with the wrong person.
We avoid these people as much as possible. Sadly we put up with daily sick noise!! And I’m ABOVE her. The person below her has it much worse!! But this people are sick selfish narcissistic people who only see themselves
Edited- and last week she blocked my 9 year old dd from passing by and exiting the hallway my dd said 3 times excuse me. But this shlechte rashanta didn’t move!! This is sick! Problem is-we can’t show her this bothers us cuz it gives her a rush of pure joy and energy that she won.

I wish you the best and hope your neighbor calms down

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 8:33 am

amother wrote:

I think youve posted about her before. Why dont you move?

↑ southernbubby ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 8:47 am

It just seems unreasonable to me to expect that apartment living will be quiet. One of my kids lives with his family on the 5th floor of a building. Some of his windows face a large church that chimes every half hour from 6 a.m. and on and plays hymns around 7:30. After several years there, they no longer even notice it, even though their window is at the same level as the chimes.

On cold Shabbos afternoons, children play in the hallways and this is understood by all to be acceptable.

And I did once live above a landlord who asked me to give my baby rice cereal before bed every night as he was waking up to nurse every hour and waking them up as well. I did that and he did learn to sleep through the night but for me, nursing clean spaced my children so he and his younger sister are closer in age than my other children are.

Certainly types of activities that are noisy are inconsiderate, such as jumping, bouncing balls, and loud music, but people should be allowed to walk around, use the bathroom at 2 a.m. and walk the floors at all hours to soothe a colicky baby. That is normal life. And people accidentally drop things once in awhile.

↑ chocolatecake ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 9:35 am

ra_mom wrote:

They should play in the side of the house that's not over bedrooms at that time in the AM.

My kids dont play in the bedrooms in the morning. They play in the dining room. I believe that the family beneath me uses the dining room as a bedroom because they have banged upstairs with a broom in the 6:00am hour before. I have no relationship at all with the family beneath me besides when they come up to complain about the noise. I dont even know their name. I live in big building and its not a very frum one. Before we moved in there was an old lady here for years. I moved in with one kid 4 years ago and now I have three. I have no doubt that we are noisy. Kids run - magnatile towers fall etc. However its all pretty normal kid living noises at reasonable hours. She had no specific time or place that bothers them just that its a zoo all hours of the day and night (which is not true cuz kids are asleep at 8pm). I apologized and told her that they should just take a broom when it gets noisy and I ll stop what the kids are doing. I was so nervous yesterday that there would be constant brooming from them now that I literally gave them permission to do that but bh there was none (unless I just didnt hear it LOL

)

↑ southernbubby ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2017, 9:44 am

SixOfWands wrote:

In NYC, most leases have a clause requiring that 80% of your apartment be carpeted. If that is the case with your lease, you shouldn't view carpet as a waste; you should view it as fulfilling your legal obligations to your landlord and to other tenants. And yes, carpet will muffle the sound of running kids.

You don't need wall to wall. Buy inexpensive area carpets. Then sell them when you move.

Not a bad idea. I don't see that in my son's apartment, however.