Dds school said my shaitel is too long

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 12:11 am

Everything in life depends on your perspective.

In my daughter's school, the principal, who is trained in hair cutting, went around and measured the girls' hair, and if it was too long for the school standards, she offered to cut their hair. The girls called home for permission, and they turned it into a salon day.

The girls had a blast, and they learned this is something that matters to the school, but not that it was heavy and restrictive. They felt treated, loved and pampered.

Everything is in perspective.

amother

White ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 1:08 am

A little bit of history here. Bnos yaakov fifteen years ago was the more left school in Lakewood called ahavas torah. Then when Lakewood was becoming firmer they shifted on their own parent body. They would love for their old parents to leave sontheynmake crazy rules.

This is disgusting and bh it got out because they were forced under the pressure to stop. But any parent that didn't bring their child to have their hair measured was going to be charged $50 per child for not having their hair measured.

This is so not acceptable and bh for social media that their craziness was stopped.

↑ asmileaday ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 3:08 am

amother wrote:

Coming from the school's point of view. you decided to send your child to our school, you will follow the rules. we want a certain type of parent body if you cannot be part of that parent body then pull your kid out and send the child elsewhere

The problems begin when new rules get introduced almost every year. By that time the child is settled and happy. Are you supposed to switch schools every few years because the rules keep changing?!

watergirl

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 7:51 am

This is how these new "halachas" start. First there is the one institution who mandates it. Outrage. People think its wrong. Then comes silently excepting this new rule from people within the specific community because they dont or cant make waves. Then more start to adapt it. The goalposts keep growing wider and wider and within a short number of years we forget that we felt outrage in the first place. A rule that has no basis in halacha is word smithed and now its a chumra. A "sensativity". And then people think its halacha. All because the goalposts get wider and wider.

amother

Coral

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:01 am

I can only guess what community this happened in.....
This is a serious breach in the way chinuch was intended. It's done for the schools image and NOT for altruistic reasons. There is no way your wig can be up to your tush or something outrageous if they were happy with you 5 yrs ago. I cry for the future of children in schools like those. Yiddishkeit cant be forced.
We don't have this issue bh. We did alot of research before...

↑ Maya

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:06 am

amother wrote:

If you want a little bit of history of what type of school they want to become read his article that they got a lot of backlash from a few years ago sending this note home with the girls.

https://www.theyeshivaworld.co.....etter

I heard this story, and many similar ones, told every year in school, starting at a very young age. I remember how my friends and I laughed at the outrage when this article was written. This was the norm for us.

amother

Ruby ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:11 am

asmileaday wrote:

The problems begin when new rules get introduced almost every year. By that time the child is settled and happy. Are you supposed to switch schools every few years because the rules keep changing?!

My kids are in Bnos Yaakov and this is exactly our problem. It was not at all like this when we sent our oldest and when they started getting more into their ridiculous tznius rules we thought about changing schools, but pretty much every school in Lakewood has tznius rules we don't agree with. So we couldn't see the point in changing schools. We had no way of knowing at that point just how far the school would go.

My kids are happy there, they have amazing teachers and really nice classmates, and we fit right into the school. Most families are about as yeshivish/right wing as we are, there are a few more yeshivish families, and a few less. Most of the parents don't agree with the direction the school is taking, but it's extremely hard to switch schools in Lakewood and if your kids are otherwise happy, a few dumb "tznius" rules aren't worth the hassle.

amother

Green ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:16 am

amother wrote:

This is disgusting and bh it got out because they were forced under the pressure to stop. But any parent that didn't bring their child to have their hair measured was going to be charged $50 per child for not having their hair measured.
.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGEOUS LIE!

My daughter goes to this school. As with every girls school in Lakewood, LICE CHECK is mandatory and parents are fined if not done.

In the hour I spent in line waiting for LICE CHECK, ONE girl had her hair measured, and only because the mother said "why is her hair too long"
After each girl was checked for lice, before leaving the room, a secretary from the school said "fine" or "you need a haircut"

No names were written down, no principals were called and no one was shamed or belittled.

In my opinion this was less embarrassing than getting a phone call from the school principal that your daughter needs a haircut, something that happens in other Lakewood schools.

It is an excellent school, for many reasons, and I am happy that my daughter attends.

I can go on and on about the other schools in Lakewood, comparing their power hungry principals and money hungry administrators to this ones genuine and sincere leaders, but that would take up too much time.

↑ mommy3b2c

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:27 am

Maya wrote:

I just read the story. I am a little nauseous. I think I am going to have nightmares.

amother

↑ Ruby ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:27 am

amother wrote:

THIS IS AN OUTRAGEOUS LIE!

My daughter goes to this school. As with every girls school in Lakewood, LICE CHECK is mandatory and parents are fined if not done.

In the hour I spent in line waiting for LICE CHECK, ONE girl had her hair measured, and only because the mother said "why is her hair too long"
After each girl was checked for lice, before leaving the room, a secretary from the school said "fine" or "you need a haircut"

No names were written down, no principals were called and no one was shamed or belittled.

In my opinion this was less embarrassing than getting a phone call from the school principal that your daughter needs a haircut, something that happens in other Lakewood schools.

Bnos yakov is an excellent school, for many reasons, and I am happy that my daughter attends.

I can go on and on about the other schools in Lakewood, comparing their power hungry principals and money hungry administrators to bnos Yakov's, but that would take up too much time.

Every school has lice check, no other school checks the length of the hair. and yes, names were written down. If you would have checked the list the secretary had where she checked off that your dd was checked for lice, she was also marking down whether or not she needs a haircut.

I was only on line for 5 minutes, but I saw her do it and I heard her confirm to a mother that her daughter was being marked down that she needs a haircut. I was there later in the day and there were no more rulers, (can't imagine why they disappeared Wink

) but knowing the school I absolutely believe that they were measuring hair earlier in the day.

amother

↑ Green

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:40 am

amother wrote:

If you would have checked the list the secretary had where she checked off that your dd was checked for lice, she was also marking down whether or not she needs a haircut.
.

I did not notice that.
But the whole thing was not traumatic and embarrassing as the comments here and other outlets make it seem.
Not every girl was measured, and no one was picked on or shamed.
It was matter of fact, and simple. Stick to the school dress code of short hair.
I don't see how this is any different than the uniform store showing you the appropriate length skirt, or the shoe store saying this sneaker is good for the boys school dress code.

ra_mom ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:53 am

Maya wrote:

This is sick beyond belief. If anyone told this story to my daughter, I would want to *%$! them.
I didn't grow up with such scare tactics. If I would have I might still be having nightmares.
I heard this *%$! once before when a relative of mine told me such a story. At least I was an adult by then.
It's despicable that this is what you were fed all the time. I'm crying for all little girls out there.

amother

Lilac ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 9:15 am

Ok, I'm Bnos Yaakov parent and I feel I must speak up. Here are the reasons we send our daughters there:

OUTSTANDING kodesh curriculum, the best I have ever seen. I am a teacher myself and I have never seen a more carefully planned, cumulative curriculum that builds on itself grade by grade, constantly reinforcing itself. Also the constant use of creative visual aids that break the material into understandable parts - simply outstanding. This is all thanks to the kodesh principal of the school, an extraordinary mechaneches.

The incredible hashkafos that are taught, again, in a creative, cumulative way, so that they stick with the child for life. My daughters know deep in their core their purpose in this world, to not waste time on silly things but to spend time on building their eternity in the Next World, tools to fight the yetzer hara, and that loving your fellow means "kamocha MAMASH.". As they get to the age of developing depth, they talk about these ideals at home, which is chizuk for our whole family! How many of your elementary school daughters think and speak this way?

In my opinion, Bnos Yaakov has the best secular academic education of the Lakewood girls elementary schools. The secular principal is open minded, down to earth, and an excellent administrator.

This school is definitely not power or money hungry, and they REALLY CARE about the students as individuals. They want to build, not tear down, and anyone who sends there, whether they agree with every policy and method or not, must experience that.

Is the school perfect? Of course not, but what is the toeles of pointing out this policy in a critical, mocking way, when they do SO MUCH THAT IS EXTRA SPECIAL?

amother

Mustard

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 9:36 am

amother wrote:

And if you want a certain type of parent body, you take in only that type. You don't have the mother measure the ponytail to enforce the kind of parent body you want. IOW, if the mother is listening to the rules only and doesn't believe in this, what have you gained? And if she does believe in short hair, she doesn't need a ruler to enforce it. I so don't get this.

amother

Pink

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:25 am

I don't know if this is helpful or not, being from a very different community. But I went to a coed MO school where we had no uniform but pretty strictly enforced dress rules. The biggest issue (as always) was skirt length.

If someone's skirt was too short, and they passed the wrong teacher/administrator, they would get the famous gesture (you know, finger wiggle that means "come here"). Nothing was even said after that. You just knew you had to head downstairs to get the "office skirt", and spend the rest of the day wearing a one size fits all bis skirt.

Some girls had the stomach for this game of chance, some had no issue conforming to the rules. But I never had the sense that anyone was shamed or horrified. We spun the wheel, and either won or paid the price. Incidentally, we were also not allowed to wear sneakers, and got charged $5 for that.

I'm not sure why there is so much humiliation and shame associated with this. We all laugh fondly about the office skirt today, an amusing rite of passage....

Is there an appreciable difference in this situation that I am not picking up on?

Sorry, anonymous because anyone who went here knows automatically what school this is....

LovesHashem ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Oh we had the skirt too! I remember how old, dirty, and gross it was. Yet again, we too played thr game of chance. Everyone knew if you were caught...that's what happened.

Respect the rules of wherever you send your kids to school. I get sometimes they are riduculous, but at least respect them in the school building!

↑ LovesHashem ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:40 am

imasoftov wrote:

Today this photo is floating around, I look forward to anon posts both confirming and denying it.

I honestly see npothing wrong with this. The only reason a girl would be "shamed' is if her parents weren't responsible enough to actually LISTEN TO THE RULES. You go there, respect the rules! Gosh, I don't understand this.

Long hair isn't tzniyus according to their rabanim. They also want to upkeep the image of a frummer school. If they have girls with long hair, or even one girl with long hair- even if they keep it in a pony in school, they may let it loose after. Prancing around in their uniform with long unkept hair- they don't want anyone having such an image come to mind when they think "is this the right fit for my daughter".

It's prefectly normal. It's not crazy to want all the girls in your school to project a image of a bas yisroel. And if according to your rabanim and a lot of the people who send there that'
s the image, so ....yeah.

It's quite ironic. The only people that seem tro be complaining are people who don't even send their kids there. I'm confused....is a school in another state with rules you don't like offending you? I mean, you didn't choose to go there....

Dont know

But yeah, just complain. It's horrible, etc. Chatterbox

amother

Aquamarine ↓

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:45 am

amother wrote:

Funny, because my girls always felt that being "skirted" was humiliating. Especially since it's never uniformly (no pun intended) done. The girls whom they otherwise weren't all that fond of, and the girls with, for want of a better term, better bodies, were the ones who were skirted.