When visiting with kids ...

Motek

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 3:52 pm

When visiting with kids, what is your policy on who is supervising your children? Do you stop your kids from going into other rooms? Is that the job of the hostess?

Who is supposed to clean up? Leave it all to the hostess? Clean up your kid's mess? Have your clean kid up (if old enough)?

Do you let your kids climb with shoes on other people's furniture? Let them walk around with food in other people's homes?

What if you are the hostess and you are horrified by how other mothers don't seem to care what their kids do to your house - can you say anything and retain the friendship? Is this about "communication" and spelling out the rules of your home, or will that ruin the friendship?

Mitzvahmom

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 3:59 pm

If I need to rest, my kids are in the room with me resting..

Unless my hostess says that it's ok if I rest..

I try to strip the beds and clean up any messes my kids make. At home we do not wear shoes in the house, so my kids typically run around in socks.

My kids know to ask before going into other rooms, though once they are given permission it's hard to stop them from going into those rooms. As long as things are set out ins tone, that at xyz time you cannot go into said room they understand.

southernbubby

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:10 pm

I have seen on more than one occasion that on Shabbos morning guests with children sleep in and figure that the hosts will feed the kids and supervise them. This should be discussed in advance. Sometimes the host really doesn't know the kids well and cannot read the parents mind about what they want the kids to eat. What if the hostess is planning to take a walk, daven, go back to sleep, etc? Work these details out before going to bed.
If parents decide to bring children to a shiur or other event that is for adults, they have the obligation to keep them under control.

happymom ↓

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:24 pm

when I go to ohter ppls houses I always clean up the mess and toys , like wash the highcahir or place my daughter sat in, clean the toys.... and whatever else/ I think its pretty rude when kids come to my house make a huge mess and the parent leave and dont offer to help clean up... the mess doesnt bother me after all they are kids, but they can at least offer to help clean up thier own kids mess!

slimnglam ↓

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:28 pm

when one of our friends came for shabbos, their 6 year old daughter knocked on my bedroom door shabbos morning and said
"mrs. slimnglam, my mother is not ready to get up yet. can u pls give me cereal?" shock

This was at 7:30 in the morning!!!!!

↑ slimnglam ↓

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:32 pm

another one of our guests left motzei shabbos with my play room in shambles.
now, I usually dont't get upset about that b/c my kids play there too and not everyone knows where other pple. keep certain toys but I was upset when the guest turned around and said
"I'm so sorry my kids left the playroom a mess, but what can I do???????"

say what??????????

some pple have noooooooooooo brains!!!!!

Annie

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 6:08 pm

I always ask my hostess what she would like to do. I have early rising children, so I try and get up with them and keep them quiet until most normal people are awake. this isn't an issue most of where we stay because they have kids. We were away for Shavous, and our hostess was delightful and very happy to get the kids started when they woke up. It was a big bracha. I wouldn't expect someone else to watch my kids while I'm napping (other than DH).

We stayed at a friend's for shabbos and she said "my kids are up, tell your kids to come up when they get up and they can have breakfast with my kids." I was more than willing to exchange the donuts she gave my kids for breakfast with the extra 15 minutes (might have been more) of sleep.

It's best just to always talk these things out. When we have shabbos company, generally they help clean up, but I've had times where they haven't. I usually "help" my children clean up when we're out, although if we have to leave in a hurry for some reason, I have been known to apologize and have my kids at least do something.

I *never* let my kids climb on furniture, in our out of our house, which is always interesting when we're in someone else's house and their kids *are* allowed.

greenfire ↓

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 7:43 pm

hardly go out anymore but my biggest trouble is when I do ... I wake up at 7:00 am and everyone is sleeping ... and I get hungry ... so if I don't know - I must become a detective and search for stuff to eat ... like what is milky or where are paper goods, etc., while out recently I actually wasn't sure if the tablecloth was milky or not so I put a paper towel on the table ... thought it was good enough but friends dh didn't think so ... turns out the tablecloth was meaty ... oh well ...

as far as cleaning up, I try to help but sometimes I am overtired or must get somewhere so I at least clean after myself ... but when I have a guest I prefer cleaning after them to give em a full break ...

Tefila

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 8:36 pm

Quote:

Do you stop your kids from going into other rooms?

100%

Quote:

Who is supposed to clean up? Leave it all to the hostess? Clean up your kid's mess? Have your clean kid up (if old enough)?

Parents incl the kids Exclamation

Quote:

Do you let your kids climb with shoes on other people's furniture? Let them walk around with food in other people's homes?

NEVER

though in my home things arn't always ideal. Infact we prepare them for when we go visiting. In some cases it's not always wise to take the kids along.

Quote:

What if you are the hostess and you are horrified by how other mothers don't seem to care what their kids do to your house - can you say anything and retain the friendship? Is this about "communication" and spelling out the rules of your home, or will that ruin the friendship?

It's a very sensitive area you have to decide.. how often do they come and what is more important to you a friendship or criticsm though constructive may not even help. Infact with these type of people 1 or two things will happen ..............................

Mimisinger

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 8:44 pm

When I was newly married, we invited a family who were sooo nice but really had no clue about what their kids were up to. One kid, who was sitting BETWEEN his parents wiped his hand in his food, looked at me, turned in his chair and REPEATEDLY wiped them up and down my wall, as I stared at him in shock and he looked at me and smiled. He was about 6 or 7!!!!! I almost fainted and no one else noticed!!! And there were handprints and food all over my wall. At the time I was in such shock I couldn't say anything, but if it happens again Twisted Evil

!!!!

Also, I hosted the women from my shul in my house on shabbos and the rebbetzin brought 3 of her kids and one of them crumbled a bunch of crackers on the floor. She apologized and while if it were me, I would have cleaned it up, I just let it go b/c a) she's the rebettzin and b) after shabbos I could do much more easily with a vacuum.

However, even if I'm in a restaurant I clean the floor of cheerios or whatever, in someone's home, so much more so. How can you leave a place like a chazzarshtal, or let your children run around like behemas? They shouldn't be acting like that in your home!

Marion

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 10:27 pm

It depends on where we are. Usually I clean up after myself and DH, and anything "extra" caused by my son. I'll take out all the dirty diapers, the overflowing kitchen bin (because a lot of my friends will use disposable instead of washing extra dishes), and I'll help pick up the toys and clear the sheets. If we used real dishes I'll OFFER to wash them, but as someone who doesn't like other people in her kitchen, I will take no for an anwser.

I don't allow my son to do anything at someone else's house that he's not allowed to do at home. No shoes on the couch or beds, no throwing food, no throwing hard toys, no hitting... I fully expect other parents to keep their kids under control at my house, and I have no qualms about saying to a child that it's against the rules to do something. But there is a way to do it, because kids are smart. The answer to "but my Eema lets" is that it's important always to make sure Eema lets, but sometimes in someone else's house, you have to make sure that person also lets and if they don't, then you can't do it.

chocolate moose ↓

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 8:12 am

and you all are down on me, that I'm not exactly kid-friendly! When, at my age, we finally have a nice place to live and some new furniture, and I don't want someone to come with a few kids and not be able to control them!

Well! If that don't beat all !!!!!

↑ greenfire ↓

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 8:25 am

cm - you make it seem like you're old and you're not ... enjoy what you made for yourself ... however keep in mind that not everybodies kids wipe their hands all over the place ... I would never let my kids do that at home nor anywhere else ... just like you can teach them not to pick their noses, but rather use a tissue ... one can be taught to use napkins and water ...

Raisin

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 12:50 pm

CM, enjoy your few years of a nice, sparkling tidy handprint free house before the grandchildren come along, iy'h. I'm sure you won't mind them then! Twisted Evil

My kids would not wipe hands over things. However hosts should also use seichel. We were invited somewhere and they served some bright purple soda, with a white carpet. You can imagine the ending.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 12:55 pm

Raisin wrote:

CM, enjoy your few years of a nice, sparkling tidy handprint free house before the grandchildren come along, iy'h. I'm sure you won't mind them then! Twisted Evil

After everything I've told you about my brother, BIL, and the way my kids act, you think they're actually gonna get an offer ...and breed?