Ayin Hara - to what degree?

Mommastuff ↓

Thu, Jun 28 2007, 12:16 pm

If it comes from jealousy, To what degree should one be careful of not causing an ayin hara? Meaning is it ok to have a chanukas habayis? Couldn't that be showing off and make those with no house jealous? what about birthday parties - is there a need to have everyone over to share in your happiness?

Older single people are invited to big families' shabbos meals and yet others tell everyone that they're expecting, so where do you draw the line?
Should we not have family pictures hanging for others to see? you get my point...

amother ↓

Thu, Jun 28 2007, 12:36 pm

Not being a big believer in ayin hara I don't let it run my life. what I do try is tobe considerate of people's feelings and not throw my good fortune in theirfaces. I can't hide the fact that I have b"h kids, but I don't have to talk about them to childless ppl unless they bring up the subject--and then I try to be brief and matter of fact and not go on and on about them.

rather than excluding older singles from my shabbos table b/c they may envy my happy family life, I try to make them feel like part of the family. a a kallah is not going to exclude her single from friends from her wedding b/c they may be jealous! then they would be both jealous and insulted, which is worse.

jealousy alone is not malicious--jealousy plus dislike is. the trick is, I think, to be nice to everyone so that if they envy you, they will just want what you have but not wiant to deprive you of yours.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 28 2007, 1:17 pm

Having a husband who does believe in Ayin Horah, he thinks that showing off happiness or anything that could cause others feelings of sadness or jealousy is like going into danger (water) without being prepared (life jacket). You set yourself up for the repercutions for those hurt feelings. I'm not talking about waving something in others faces but just displaying your good fortune.

Have you noticed that a lot of people get hurt or lose things before a chasuna? Why? maybe cuz they were a little too free with their happiness and accidentally weren't considerate of others non-happiness or less happiness. Maybe they were just envous but not jealous...

I, myself, am not like that to his extreme, but I do think that society toady needs to reevaluate their show-offiness. Why are we so jealous today in general? "Keepin gup with the Jones'" anyone?

↑ amother

Thu, Jun 28 2007, 2:02 pm

The Lubavitcher Rebbe said that the ayin hara does not need to exist, but to believe in it adds chayus to it.... I am happy with this statement, because, while I know it is not good to flaunt one's good fortune, how do we know what will make people jealous? To completely avoid the ayin hara, we should stop having any simchas, weddings, brissim, chaunakas a bayis and never leave our homes...

My husband told me to stop bringing my sons to shul because ayin hara...then he realized you can't sacrifice chinuch because you are afraid of jealousy...

Then again, we did stop eating by a certain family who never had kids, but they have other issues that made it unpleasant to be there...

southernbubby

Sun, Jul 01 2007, 11:42 am

The speaker at the shiur on yesterday's parsha touched on this. The Jewish tents were situated so that no one could see into another person's tent. This way, there was no jealousy about what another person had. Today we invite others into our home and they see our furnishings, our pictures, etc.
The problem today is not what people see, it is talk. People need to be careful not to freely talk about what they are buying or who is dating or expecting.
Invite others to simchas and make them comfortable but hopefully people will keep quiet about what you spent other than to say "it was a lovely affair". There may always be jealous people who will say that anything you did was in some way wrong so the less information you give out, the better.

mimivan

Sun, Jul 01 2007, 12:48 pm

Mommastuff wrote:

amother wrote:

The Lubavitcher Rebbe said that the ayin hara does not need to exist, but to believe in it adds chayus to it

to this amother, do you know if this is written somewhere that I can show someone? Its more believable if you see it black on white

I'm not the amother, but I went to a shiur in which a Chabad Rav mentioned the Rebbe's position on this just last week. Iy'h I'll try to ask him for a source (I think it was personal anecdote, but maybe he knows of a letter or something). I might forget, so PM me if I do (kind of flighty these days...or more than usual>)

↑ Mommastuff

Mon, Jul 02 2007, 10:36 pm

Here's something that I found:

The belief in Ayin Hara is not a superstition but is well founded on references from the earliest Jewish texts. Sarah "gives" Hagar an Ayin Hara, causing her to miscarry her first pregnancy. Yaakov warns his sons not to be seen together so as not to incur Ayin Hara. Another example is King Saul's jealousy of the future King David who is credited with greater military prowess and "gives" him an Ayin Hara.

1. The Talmud quotes Rabbi Yochanan as saying "I am a descendant of Yosef over whom Ayin Hara had no control." The Talmud also says that fish represent a form of life that is free of the influence of Ayin Hara. According to one opinion of the Talmud, a first-born daughter prevents Ayin Hara from affecting the family.
Ayin Hara also has Halachic ramifications. The Talmud states that it is forbidden to stand in a neighbor's field when the crops are fully grown. Rashi explains that this is forbidden because of Ayin Hara.
Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler in a letter to his father asked "Where is the justice in a system that causes people to suffer for the jealousies of others?" Rabbi Dessler answered that what happens is the following: One person who has what another person lacks is "careless" and lets the other person see what he has. This causes pain to the other person, and his cry goes up to the Heavenly court.

The lesson in all of this is that we must learn to be sensitive to others, and not flaunt what we have. Many people yearn to have what others have, and suffer real pain when they see others casually flaunt those things. True, they shouldn't be jealous, but we cannot expect everyone to be a Tzaddik. Divine justice demands retribution for causing this pain to another person.