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amother
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 Tue, Jun 19 2007, 11:46 am
| Quote: | | I noticed that many chassidish women sew. Is there a reason for it? |
Satmar girls having sewing courses in school. I don't know how many turn out to sew but this surely helps. I dislike sewing and I don't know how to sew up something but I do know how to hem and sew on buttons.
I think there are alternative courses if you don't want to sew.
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What happens in places like KJ where the women and men walk about different sides of the street if you have to go somewhere on the other side. Isn't it mortifying? |
I think you are talking about Skver Shtetl.
When I was there for Shabbos we walked as a couple on the road. We weren't the only ones.
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 11:53 am
| arita430 wrote: |
I noticed that many chassidish women sew. Is there a reason for it? | the biggest reason for sewing is to save $$$. for instance, if someone let's say has four kids under age 8, so if she wants something matching for all four kids, it can cost several hundred dollars to find something nice in all sizes, and to sew something matching she do it for under a hundred dollars!
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chocolate moose
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 11:54 am
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DD had a sewing class in high school ... so did I.
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 11:56 am
| arita430 wrote: | | Thanks for the beautiful inside view, and if you have more to add keep it coming! |
Same here. I can't wait to hear about the other minhagim, and other things about the life of a chassidishe women. Mama bear, you are a great writer, why don't you write a book on it? I would buy it in a second!  [/quote]I'm far from an expert on chasidish life. I dont know the reasons for most minhagim.... one of the cornerstones to be a good chasidish person is 'al titosh toras imecha', we follow all ou rparents minhagim even if we dont know the reason or mekor behind it. So I would be a terrible writer on chasidish life, as I have no clue why we do a lot of the things we do  .
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JRKmommy
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 12:22 pm
Is that common, to not teach the reasons behind the practices? Is that true for the boys as well, or just the girls?
I guess that may explain why not all of my constant questions get answered!
Re driving: How did driving get labelled as being a man thing to begin with? I drive more than dh, and all the frum women I know have minivans full of kids.
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pappymom
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 12:36 pm
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arita, I'd be glad to introduce you to a really really special woman in yerushalayim who would love to tell you about the beauty of chassidus. she is actually an extremely famous rebbetzin whose house is always open- whether you're chassidish or not, no matter what age and stage. she's an incredible woman. you can pm me if you want details..
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amother
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 12:52 pm
Hello, I’m a new amother I haven’t posted in a while put have been following this post.
I don’t think that Chasidish life is different than any other frum life. I feel that it varies as per the emotional needs of the husband and wife. I personally don’t drive 1. I am scared 2. It is not accepted. Why I am not sure.
About dating I met my future in laws first at my sisters home then my husband flew in to the states to meet my parents later that day I met him… we met twice I get excited when I think of it (6+ years ago…) I remember being very nervous before like what will be if he wants me but I don’t want him… (But don’t all girls go through these thoughts…?) Once I saw him in real life I felt my heart connected to his… ( I wish I feel like this all the time when the kids are crying and I’m tired and uggy from pregancy and the shabbos dishes are in the sink..)
I did not speak to my chossan at all aside when he called to say gut yom tov to my father and I picked up the phone.. (Boy was I excited…) we had a 1+ minute conversation. We were both so so nervous… since that incident he called my fathers cell phone only.
What else? Yes I shave, if I miss my hair? I don’t know sometimes yes but I had bad hair so…
Any questions ask and I’ll try to answer.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 1:48 pm
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its funny I am chasidish and I am a great housekeeper ( cookings and baking is just part of me) I always look ( with a certain amount of kinah?) at the easy going mothers that 5 course suppers are not important and clean house is not the main goal but happy mother and children are... I don't know if this is a chasidish thing but more of the other side is greener... I look at the messy house and pasta suppers and say wow look how happy and relaxed they are and for me I'm always pushing myself to perfection...
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 2:26 pm
JRK, it's not that the reasons behind chumras are not taught BDAVKA, and 'withheld'... It's just that for some reason it doesnt occur to us to ask! We take it at face value. For instance, why dont women drive? Cuz it's not 'tznius'. "Now, this can either mean that:
1. when youre in the drivers seat youre very visible
2. being able to drive might lead you to travel to places, because you suddenly have all this freedom.
Both might be wrong, both might be right. I'm not sure!
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ILOVELIFE
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 2:37 pm
| arita430 wrote: | | I have always been curious to find out what chassidishe life is like? I am asking out of total curiousity. No bashing intended. If anybody can reccomend books ( in English) I would appreciate it. Many of the women seem so happy with their roles as women and with their lives in general. Do chassidish ppl really talk to their husbands beyond, how is your day? Is there ever any emotions involved? What are some of the minhagim like and what are the reasons for them? I can't think of more, but I know I have more questions though. |
I'm gonna go through 1 post at a time cuz I know I'm gonna forget by the time I get to the end.
No books that I know of in English on all the nitty gritties though there's something on the fundementals that the Baal Shem laid out. I'm not sure what it's called.
Do chassidish ppl really talk to their husbands beyond, how is your day?
I had to laugh at this one! Why in the world wld I just ask my dh how his day was..... we are NORMAL. (albeit different!)
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amother
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 2:38 pm
| Quote: | | I look at the messy house and pasta suppers and say wow look how happy and relaxed they are and for me I'm always pushing myself to perfection... |
Darling, that has nothing to do with Chassidishkeit. That has to do with you. "Who" is pushing you to perfection? Why???????????
I am Chassidish. I don't serve 5 course meals. I actually don't make supper every single day. My husband doesn't mind at all if we buy once a week (plus Sunday  ).
Mama Bear, Both your reason are wrong, sorry  .
| Quote: | | 1. when youre in the drivers seat youre very visible |
When you walk on the street you are even more visible.
| Quote: | | 2.being able to drive might lead you to travel to places, because you suddenly have all this freedom. |
There are enough transportation options if someone really wants to get to a certain place.(and Subways are far more an utznius means of a transportation.)
The reason is as posted above: Lo Silbosh and in that category might also fall that it's untznius. But I understand your point of not asking just following what your mothers have taught you.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:08 pm
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I am BT following Litvashe minchogim( myself and dh), but I have Chassidishe roots (both Lubavith and non Lubavich). I was always drawn to the minchog of wearng white apron on Friday night. I find it very beautiful and I know for sure that my great grandmother obm, did wear it as well as white tichel. I was thinking for a long time to start. Anyway here are my questions; Do people wear white apron only together with white tichel? (I would not wear the tichel, but would probably put a white band on my sheitel) At which point of the evening do you take it off? What if you go away for Shabbos? How much does it cost ? If dh would not mind , may be I'll get it on my next trip to B.P.
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ILOVELIFE
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:11 pm
I have a little bit of a different view on chassidus being that we are Stolin. Stolin is very different than the Hungerian Chassiduses in many ways:
1. We DO talk about a lot of the reasons behind minhagim. That doesn't mean we go into the nitty - gritty -- a lot is given but we do talk about a lot of the others.
2. Driving in Stolin is a mix. Each person asks the Rebbe and is given an answer that is good for them. If a woman stam wants to drive the answer is usually no and for 2 reasons
a. Any place is much more readily accessible. Yes, there's public transportation but....
b. It's just not a really refined thing to do in our circles and therefore it wld go in the geder of Lo Silbash (However Stoliner women in Monsey or Lkwd usually get a go-ahead much faster or women in BP that have a specific issue)
3. Balbusta- well, no we're a muuuuuuuch more 'simple' chassidus and we pride ourselves with that. There's no major balbusta pushing BUT the homes are clean and the women cook well but simple. At a simcha or s/thing they'll make fancier stuff but in general not really.
4. Simplicity- Let's start with this-- stolin and money generally don't go hand in hand. (The story goes that as a certain rich fellow became close the the Rebbe z'tl he was warned by family that he might lose some of his fortune cuz Stolin and money are not a match and that's just what happened!!) It's a pride to save money. Women are nicely dressed but simple for the most part. The Rov of our shul just made Bar Mitzvah and EVERYTHING was home-made by the women in Shul. (incl cakes)
Most of our chasunos are very simple and more or less similar.
5. There's a tremeandous, wonderful thing in Stolin that the women can also have a kesher with the Rebbe and many do. The Rebbe has calling hour every day and HE picks up the phone- no gabbai. There's a 24 hr fax, and an hour 3 times a week that the Rebbe takes in ppl. No gabbai is ever present in the room He's right outside the room and a woman can go in alone. Even h.s. girls have gone in alone. The Rebbe is very worldly and so I can bring any paperwork and have the Rebbe look it over and see whether this business, health move is a good one.That adds a certain confidence and calm to my life.
6. We are a chassidus that speaks both yiddish and English. Children are spoken to mostly in yiddish but English is encouraged. Our Yeshivos and mesivtos have secular studies through 12th grade. And there's responsibility for it. The Rebbe is tough on that.
7. Most of the young Stoliners and some older, learn but some work. The ones who work are mostly melamdim, seforim stores, sofer, etc.
8. Stolin is known as the 'dancing chassidus' we find an excuse to dance all the time. There's generally a lot of music and a lot of fun.
9. Most of our women go with sheitlich. Even the Rebetzin does. Albeit simple ones for the most part.
10. Stolin is known for their emphasis on davening.
11. Many Stolin women work. Most of them are teachers.
12. Stolin women are generally on great terms with each other. N'shei is close. If I'd see a Stolin'er woman on the street, I'd probobly stop to say hello. And it's not just me.
That's it for me in a nutshell!
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JRKmommy
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:11 pm
Couple more very quick questions:
1. I know that Chabad attracts a lot of BTs, and Breslov does as well. Do other Chassidic groups reach out to BTs?
2. If there are BTs in these groups, do they tend to ask more "why?" questions?
3. Would driving "not be done" just in certain geographic communities, or anywhere at all?
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chocolate moose
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:16 pm
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As I posted before, I saw a woman buying a white apron at Century 21. I don't think yu have to get anything specific, but I don't know . . . .
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ILOVELIFE
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:20 pm
| JRKmommy wrote: | Couple more very quick questions:
1. I know that Chabad attracts a lot of BTs, and Breslov does as well. Do other Chassidic groups reach out to BTs?
2. If there are BTs in these groups, do they tend to ask more "why?" questions? |
Stolin reaches out quite a bit. Especially in Russia. Chief Rabbi of Ukraine, R' Yankel Bleich, was sent there 15-20 yrs ago, Yad Yisroel is a Stolin org in Russia that works in L'vov, Kiev and I dunno where else. We have yeshivos and girls schools and camps there (Camp Orach Chaim)
Then there's Bat Zion and L'zion Brina in EY for Russians. School and dorms. Marry off the kids too.
We have interesting secular groups that come to stolin for simchos bais hashoeiva and Purim. They come back year after yr and are strongly accepted BH.
The goal is NOT to make them into Stoliners so although inevitably many gravitate there, the minhagim are not emphasized-- Torah and tefilla are!
Then there's an at-risk program in EY forgot the name.
Also, a few years ago, they ran an article on the Rebbe (w/out his consent-- he doesn't allow publicity-- y'never know he's in town or that he's making Chasuna etc) entitled "Harebbi Hamitnachel" The settler Rebbe. The Rebbe lives in Givat Zeev, which is a settlement, but it also talked about his connection to setttlers in general. The Rebbe's tisch has several kippa serugot settlers who come weekly and consult with the Rebbe for every little thing.
| JRKmommy wrote: | | 3. Would driving "not be done" just in certain geographic communities, or anywhere at all? |
In stolin, the general rule is don't but if you need to: ask. Most Monsey Stoliners were told they cld drive
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amother
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:25 pm
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I have a question and I don't mean to offend anyone just curious, When I was engaged I used to talk to my DH very often, I did not see him very often, since we were in diff. cities, so I guess that is why we spoke so much, So he wasn't a complete stranger, but still the wedding night,I was quite nervous, I can't imagine how it is in the communities where you hardly talk to your chassanim or see him
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:36 pm
| JRKmommy wrote: | Couple more very quick questions:
1. I know that Chabad attracts a lot of BTs, and Breslov does as well. Do other Chassidic groups reach out to BTs?
2. If there are BTs in these groups, do they tend to ask more "why?" questions?
3. Would driving "not be done" just in certain geographic communities, or anywhere at all? |
NOTE: When I answer questions it's the way *I* see and know it, based on the typical williamsburg way. If anyone has comments, please speak up.
there arent that many chasidishe BTs. The ones that do marry into chasidish families, get all their answers from their new husbands and new family. Btw - my father would answer ANY question I have about chasidishe minhagim. Any question. I just don't have any questions. .
In more suburban areas like Monsey, you will find some chasidishe female drivers, but they are generally not of the 'covered shaitel' variety. there is no female driving in monroe.
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:38 pm
| amother wrote: | | I am BT following Litvashe minchogim( myself and dh), but I have Chassidishe roots (both Lubavith and non Lubavich). I was always drawn to the minchog of wearng white apron on Friday night. I find it very beautiful and I know for sure that my great grandmother obm, did wear it as well as white tichel. I was thinking for a long time to start. Anyway here are my questions; Do people wear white apron only together with white tichel? (I would not wear the tichel, but would probably put a white band on my sheitel) At which point of the evening do you take it off? What if you go away for Shabbos? How much does it cost ? If dh would not mind , may be I'll get it on my next trip to B.P. | IF youre staying home, you can wear the apron until you go to sleep, but it's quite okay to take it off anytime in the evening. If youre going away for sahbbos at a place you'll feel strange wearing the apron, you can perfectly well take it off right after candlelighting.
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greenfire
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Tue, Jun 19 2007, 3:49 pm
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how is it untznius to drive ... imagine getting on a crowded bus or train ... they might chas v'shalom bump into each other - and what then ... a car is secluded - way more tznius ... unless it's a truck calling a lot of attention ...
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