Husband coming to seperate wedding

Seraph ↓

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:42 am

Would you want your husband to come with you to a wedding that had seperate seating, in which you knew the kallah, but your husband doesn't even know anyone at the wedding aside for you?

I have a wedding coming up in which that is the case, and I'm wondering if its mean to ask my husband to come if he won't know anyone, and won't even be sitting with me to keep me company...

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:45 am

my dh and I came up with this agreement during shana rishona. if one of us has a wedding and the other doesn't want to come, he/she shouldn't feel obligated and doesn't have to come. it's great because if I would go to "his" weddings and not know anyone, I would want to leave early as I would be bored. and since he has all his friends there, he would want to stay late and then one of us wouldn't be happy. so this really works for us.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:58 am

Way back when my friends were getting married and my (now ex) husband's friends were getting married, we went together. After a few times, he at least knew some of my friends' husbands and I got to know his friends' wives...

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 5:18 am

I've never been to a wedding with separate seating. I don't think I would go if I didn't know anyone, and I don't think dh would agree to go and leave me at house unless I pushed him to go.

DefyGravity

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 5:46 am

Thank goodness the last three weddings we've gone to have had mixed seating. It's better for both of us.
However, we also have an agreement that both of us don't have to go to a separate wedding (if one of us doesn't know the other person very well and won't know anyone else at the wedding). It's awkward sitting at a table where you don't know anyone. I have a wedding coming up and only I'm going.

Last edited by DefyGravity on Thu, Jun 14 2007, 7:56 am; edited 1 time in total

Pickle Lady ↓

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 7:56 am

My husband and I are pretty social people and we don't mind going to a wedding where we hardly know anyone. I personally think that if a friend of mine got married and my husband hardly knew anyone at the wedding, I would tell him its his choice.

↑ Seraph ↓

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 8:30 am

Mama Bear wrote:

Why do you want him to go to a wedding where he knows no one? what's the purpose?

As CM said, so I could see him on the way there and the way back... Because I don't get to see him much every day...
But I wouldn't require it of him at all... However, is it "rude" to even ask him in the first place if he'd like to come?

Mrs. XYZ

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 8:55 am

Quote:

However, is it "rude" to even ask him in the first place if he'd like to come?

Why is it rude? unless he is the type that'll feel guilty saying no.

Maybe he should come along, and go in for a short while to say mazel tov....and who knows? he might even find a person(or 2) that he knows well. 'it's a small world after all'

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 9:13 am

Could you ask him to just walk you there? Or drive you there and talk in the car for a little bit before you go in? Or, could you go together and then take a walk around the hotel/hall and talk? My dh did it many times, and then the time when we are on separate sides of the mechitza didn't seem so bad.

supermom ↓

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 10:59 am

Mimisinger wrote:

I wish my dh and I had an agreement like that. Dh always wants me there...

But what is the point if you don't know anyone. My husband use to try to get me to go to his friends weddings with him, but I never wanted to go. Finally I said I would go ONLY if his friends wives would come so I won't be bored. Would you believe non of them showed up they all canceled at the last moment. Since then he realized there was no use of me going that I should be lonely the whole time while he is having a grand ol time.

↑ Mama Bear

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 12:04 pm

I think its very rude to make your dh travel with you to a wedding that he knows no one! but that's just my two cents. Sometimes, you just cant see your dh for a few hours - there are obligations...

yOungM0mmy

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 1:54 pm

I would say its rude to FORCE DH, but he knows how much I enjoy going places with him. We went to 2 separate weddings, 1 where I knew and he didnt, and one the other way round. Both weddings were at least an hour and a half ride, so we had that time together at least. We went to a few mixed weddings where I didnt know anyone, but at least I sat with him, and then he went to a few by himself, especially once DS was born, he understood that it was really silly for me to shlep with the baby and get all dressed up, when I dont know anyone, wont dance anyway, etc.

Atali

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:53 pm

Quote:

I think its very rude to make your dh travel with you to a wedding that he knows no one! but that's just my two cents. Sometimes, you just cant see your dh for a few hours - there are obligations..

I don't know about anyone else, but my DH wants to go to any wedding he's invited to, even if he doesn't know anyone, in order to fulfill the mitzvah of simchas chosson v'kallah by dancing. This is especially true if the chosson is from another country and therefore may not have friends at the chasuna.

↑ Pickle Lady

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:58 pm

I really think it depends on the person. My husband once came with me to catered in a hall sheva brochos in williamsburg. It was for my best friend and my husband only knew the chosson a little bit and that it. We are lubavitch and my husband was on the mens side and he was the only Lubavitcher amongst all the other men who were chassidish. He had a great time and enjoyed himself because he is very social and has no problem being in a room filled with people he doesn't know and he makes friends. I also did the same for him and went to sheva brochos to people that I totally didn't know at all. I also enjoyed myself and met new people.

It really depends on the person.

↑ Seraph

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 10:08 pm

For sure it depends on the person.
I decided to tell my husband he shouldn't come. He's just so shy and doesn't make friends easily- if he went to a wedding where he knew no one, he would just sit on the side and not dance, not talk, nothing.
The only weddings that had seperate seating that I brought him to were my cousins weddings- because even though he didnt know my cousins, they all wanted to meet him, and he ended up getting to meet them and talking to people and not just sitting on his own. Also, one wedding he was freinds with the kallah's brother (not close, but still friends), so I had him come...