My 9 1/2 year old has questions

mummy-bh

Mon, Jun 11 2007, 10:21 am

If she is a mature kid, then I would tell her the truth. You may then want to tell her about periods.

Note - she asked how the baby comes OUT, not how it got IN.

Be led by her. Give her as much info as she asks for, and you think she can handle.

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Jun 11 2007, 10:24 am

First of all, shemight not ask.

Secondly, ask her back what she thinks. She might say something like "Well, does hashem make the baby come out?" You can say yes, and leave it at that.

I';ve mentioned this before, but a friend's 4 yr old daughter asked her where babies come from. My friend was stunned and abotu to freak out not knowing what to say...so she asked her dd, what do you mean? The dd said "Well, I heard Hashem makes the babies, is that true?" It wasn't the crisis it appeared to be at first!

Mrs.Norris

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 6:47 pm

NJMommy wrote:

I';ve mentioned this before, but a friend's 4 yr old daughter asked her where babies come from. My friend was stunned and abotu to freak out not knowing what to say...so she asked her dd, what do you mean? The dd said "Well, I heard Hashem makes the babies, is that true?" It wasn't the crisis it appeared to be at first!

erm there is a HUGE difference between telling your 4 year old such a watered down version of 'events' than telling a 9 year old, who might be hitting puberty very soon. I would never simply tell my 9 year old child that 'Hashem makes it happen' as she will later know you have not answered her question properly and go elsewhere for information.
When I was in high school in my class a bunch of girls were talking about this, I think we were 12 at the time, and some of them still thought that Hashem simply made the babies and stuck them inside the mothers ... needless to say soon after they went to magazines and leafelets for their information as they knew they would not be getting the true biological reason from their mother.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 7:28 pm

Funny, I'm a geyores and I always assumed Jewish children knew where babies come from at an early age because they learn chumash (where it indicates that it has something to do with a man and a woman getting together) or at least the stories, whereas l'havdil Xtian children focus on the New Testament where no one gets pregnant the normal way and tend not to know where babies come from...

My own kids are young, so that's why I didn't know Jewish kids also have questions at 9... interesting.

You should thank hashem she is so innocent!!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 7:31 pm

me again. when I said you should thank Hashem she is so innocent, I meant that she didn't learn it where kids usually learn about it nowadays (tv, internet, magazines etc..)

I always thought it was a good think Jewish kids learned about these things as a part of Torah study though, which is how I assumed (and still assume) the topic is introduced...

lubcoralsprings

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 9:42 pm

I like the idea of asking her what she thinks. I don't think I would tell my nine year old because that is too young. When my 6yr old DS asked me I told him they come out of my stomach. He then preceded to ask me if they come out of my belly buttong. I said no and went on to another topic. I don't think I would get close to the subject until bat mitzvah age. Am I old fashioned?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 9:55 pm

anon wrote:

Children are not taught these things as part of torah studies, at least not in yeshivas. The topics are avoided, and the stories are altered.

How would they teach, for example, the story of Yehuda and Tamar? And what would they teach at what age? (curious.. before my sons reach that age)

BrachaVHatzlocha

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 10:02 pm

bat mitzvah age.......hmmm, well considering many girls start menstrating as early as age 9 (I was 11), 12 is a little late....
I agree that you don't have to go into details. Usually at a young age a simple answer should (hopefully) suffice

↑ greenfire ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 10:30 pm

you know it could be scarier to think a baby comes out of the stomach ... and who needs to lie ... tell them the truth in a nice way ... we have eggs that can turn into babies and because of that once a month we get a period with some blood ... in that way when we are big enough and married to a daddy you too can have a baby ... and a nes happens and the opening gets big enough just for the baby to come out and then goes back to normal ... at 9 for sure ... menstruating can start at 8 - 17 and still be normal ... so ...

Seraph ↓

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 1:26 am

amother wrote:

anon wrote:

Children are not taught these things as part of torah studies, at least not in yeshivas. The topics are avoided, and the stories are altered.

How would they teach, for example, the story of Yehuda and Tamar? And what would they teach at what age? (curious.. before my sons reach that age)

I didn't learn it until 8th (or maybe 9th) grade.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 3:36 am

amother wrote:

How would they teach, for example, the story of Yehuda and Tamar? And what would they teach at what age? (curious.. before my sons reach that age)

The advantage of teaching TaNaCH in the US is chances are the kids learning it don't understand ALL of the translations for words.

For instance, a Rabbi or teacher can get away with just telling their students that Rachab was an innkeeper... and leave out that another meaning for the word that describes her is a harlot.

Another thing that is common is to get off track, and then to 'catch up', a few chapters here and there are skipped.

hadasa

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 3:49 am

My eight-year-old was taught about Rachav that "Zonah" comes from "Mezonot" meaning she provided food - which is one of the Meforshim, the teacher didn't make it up.
About Lot's daughters, I was taught that the Torah uses "to lie" as enother word for "to get married" and they married their father when he was drunk. Yehudah and Tamar I didn't learn at all in school.

My Mashpia told me that if kids ask, to say that Hashem makes a special opening through which the baby comes out. I would not lie to my children, but "Hashem makes it happen" is the truth! But if a child is mature enough to request a more explicit answer, I would tell the truth. I'm planning to tell my daughter about periods when she turns eleven (that's when I was told), and about other things, when I feel there's a chance of her hearing it from someone else, which will probably also be pretty soon.

Batya

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:47 am

My 7 yr old yesterday came home with a question of:
Mom how did you give birth to me? Before I was ready to formulate my answer that Hashem makes a miracle he volunteered some more info he said:" They cut up your stomach and it really hurts right?" Then he added :
Well maybe Hashem made a miracle to you but usually it hurts.
I asked him who told him all these things he said the melamed shock

. I hope it wasn't the melamed but one of the kids.

↑ Seraph

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:50 am

Batya wrote:

. I hope it wasn't the melamed but one of the kids.

Maybe someone brought up a C section...

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 5:28 am

I think 9 years is a bit too young, but it would depend on periods and all as said above. Here the average is 13, and since it includes Arabic and black girls I would say it's even higher among white girls. I think bas mitzva talk is a good idea. It's also a question of genetics, I, my mom and my grandma all had it at 13.5, then nothing until 14, so I suppose my dd will be the same... b'h I have plenty of time ahead LOL

Hadasa,nice explanations about Rahav and Lot! what would you say about Tamar though?

↑ greenfire

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 9:34 am

GAMZu wrote:

Yeah, I got my period at 10, so I think it's the perfect age to have a talk, at 9 1/2. How would she feel if she'd start menstruating without an introduction?

and me at 11 ... why would anyone want to shock their kids by NOT telling them ... much more traumatic