BIrthday party uninvited...WANT TO CRY

amother ↓

Tue, Jun 12 2007, 7:58 pm

My kids go to a day school with kids from frum and non-frum backgrounds. A kid in my son's class had a birthday and didn't invite my child. The parents invited all the other frum kids. I am so sad I want to cry. I overheard one of the other parents talking about it and made like I didn't hear, however INSIDE I WANTED TO CRY>>>>>HELP!

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Jun 12 2007, 11:41 pm

HUGS to you amother!
I can relate to you. My daughter is one of only 4 girls in her class. Twice she has been the only one not to be invited. She is shy and the girls are mean to her. She found out about one of them because she was walking down the block with my dh as all the othe girls were leaving the party. I'm sure they never expected her to find out. This was in the winter. A few weeks ago, she was not invited to another one. I even had one father come up to me and explain why my daughter isn't invited (because she is quiet).

Lechatchila Ariber ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 12:00 am

Quote:

I even had one father come up to me and explain why my daughter isn't invited (because she is quiet).

what did you answer to such a thing?
if only some kids were invited in the class then as much as you may be upset you can't really hold it against the parents but if one kid in a class doesn't get invited, no matter what the class size.... shock

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:12 am

[quote="EstiS"]

Quote:

I even had one father come up to me and explain why my daughter isn't invited (because she is quiet).

what did you answer to such a thing?

When the father approached me, I thought he was talking about the 1st party my daughter had not been invited to. So, I was pretty confused why he discussing the whole thing, months later. I found out a few days later that HIS daughter had a party that my daughter was not invited to recently, and in hindsight realized that he was trying to explain why his daughter did not invite mine. In other words, I was really confused during the conversation, but it became clear after the fact! But, like my dh says, why do we want our daughter to have friends with such rotten middos anyway?

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 3:13 am

What, are parents not involved in putting together the party? The parents should have said, as the invitations were being made up and their daugthter said "I'm not inviting So-and-So because she's too quite", "Well, being quiet doesn't mean she's not interesting and not worthwhile to get to know. It just means that she's shy and needs some extra help to get more comfortable and inviting her to your party is a good place to start."

Too quiet... for heaven's sake...

greenfire

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 8:48 am

the only time not everyone should be invited if doing very small with just a handful of girls that are close ... otherwise it is all or nothing ...

sorry for your kid ... how rude ... how much trouble could she make if she is quiet ... is this how the kids are taught ahavas yisroel ... what a shame!!!

Mitzvahmom ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 10:52 am

this happened to my daughter, evidently one of the girls invited told my daughter about the party. So my daughter went up to the girl having the party and politely asked, what can I bring to the party?

The mother called me that night and said, "um I knwo this is going to sound horrible, but my daughter is having a birthday party and I limited it to 3 girls. Your daughter was not invited, and she went up to my daughter today and asked what to bring. I just wanted to be certain you were not bringing her because she was not invited."

I just said, no my daughter did not mention it to me. Crying

But I hugged my daughter that night and said I love her and I am sorry that this happened to her. She wants to have a party now, but I do not have space for a ton of kids to come to my home. Sad

I do nto believe in select invites though!!

southernbubby ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 11:02 am

Unless the whole class is invited, it should be forbidden to hand out invitations in school.
The problem is also that there is a prohibition of taking revenge. Just because someone did not invite your child, taking revenge by leaving out his child may be considered an avaira.
If there are several left out kids, there is nothing wrong with them getting together for their own afternoon of fun.
If a child is not fitting in socially and is always excluded or made fun of, remove him from that school. The school should be responsible to see that children are not made fun of and a frum school should teach that that extends to after school as well.
There is nothing wrong with telling a mother that it is hurtful to leave out a few children.

lubcoralsprings ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 11:19 am

I don't understand where the parents Ahavas Yisroel is. In my opinion, either invite everyone or don't make a party. It's mean to single kids out. My only explanation can be mean parents makes for mean children.

↑ southernbubby ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 11:28 am

I have seen schools send out letters stating that birthday parties that exclude some children are against the school's policy. Parents can also get together to educate ignorant parents at PTA gatherings. Parents can also inform the principal that they are considering changing schools if the matter is not taken seriously.

ChavieK

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:26 pm

Bubby you are so right,either invite less than half if it is a big class,or all.If there are 4 girls in the class how can a parent be so mean to onlyinvite 3? I am so sorry for your daughter. I hope you find a school with higher caliber of parents for nest year. Go ahead & make your daughter a party. Invite the whole class & explain to her what the proper thing to do really is. How fine a girl she is.Don't tell her how rude the others were. She knows that already, focus on whats right.

mumsy23

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:36 pm

Mitzvahmom wrote:

But I hugged my daughter that night and said I love her and I am sorry that this happened to her. She wants to have a party now, but I do not have space for a ton of kids to come to my home. Sad

I do nto believe in select invites though!!

But the girl only invited 3 girls out of the whole class... I don't think that is the worst thing in the world. I mean, I don't know how big your daughter's class is, but if it is a normal size class (which is what I gathered from a class picture you once showed us) then what is wrong with a kid inviting her three closest friends? She shouldn't celebrate her birthday if she can't invite the whole class?

Mrs. XYZ

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:47 pm

Quote:

What, are parents not involved in putting together the party?

Seems like the parents are not too much better, they're justifying the kids behavior.

Quote:

The mother called me that night and said, "um I knwo this is going to sound horrible, but my daughter is having a birthday party and I limited it to 3 girls. Your daughter was not invited, and she went up to my daughter today and asked what to bring. I just wanted to be certain you were not bringing her because she was not invited."

Reminds me of kamtza/bar kamtza story. how sad.

3 out of 4 girls invited is plain disgusting!
3 out of 30 is not so terrible, but how terrible would it have been if one more girl showed up???

queen

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 1:48 pm

what kind of middos are these parents teaching their kids. This is just awful I have no words. Either invite everyone or don't do it. If you're making a small party- can't leave out only a few kids, just unreal. one wonders what maturity level and thought was going through parents heads. Confused

chocolate moose ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 4:08 pm

Maybe it's time they grow up and face the real world. Life isn't a sheltered bubble. sometimes ppl are mean, sometimes they are petty, and oftentimes they are cheap and do things for no good reason.

I don't get invited to all the weddings that I expect to, for example . . . okay, I'm not 6 years old, but you know what I mean.

↑ southernbubby ↓

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 4:13 pm

Weddings often involve hundreds of people, many of whom have not been in recent contact with the family. Usually a child sees his or her classmates every day and there are only about a dozen.