why can't we ask | Imamother

↑ yoyosma ↓

Thu, May 03 2007, 6:56 pm

Quote:

BTW, whoever said the girl should have asked in private, no, if the teacher felt it was better dealt with privately the teacher should have said "It is a good question but I think the answer is best dealt with outside class. Come to me later and I'll explain in detail the answer...and anyone else who is unclear about the answer can join us."

Or sometimes it is ok for a teacher to admit that they dont know and they will look up the answer later. Those teachers are the good ones.

mimivan ↓

Thu, May 03 2007, 6:58 pm

So what can we as parents do to be an antidote from the occasional poisonous teacher??
And Green, b'h it sounds like your daughters talk to you and tell you what is going on.
Imagine a kid who would be too embarrassed

to talk to his parents about it and would just hold it all inside until he finally explodes?

↑ yoyosma ↓

Thu, May 03 2007, 7:05 pm

mimivan, thats a hard one to navigate. In the 'olden' times, teachers and parents worked together. These days teachers have to deal with parents who dont want to believe anything negative about their children and they fight the teachers who want to implement any change.
Well, adding to that a teacher who acts in such a way is very hard to deal with!!
BTW, I am not a teacher, just an involved parent.
As for my story, I knew my teacher was a rabid extremist, but other students took her very seriously. If she had attacked someone else I dont know how they would have dealt with it.

Last edited by yoyosma on Thu, May 03 2007, 7:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

JMto2

Thu, May 03 2007, 9:12 pm

There are unfortunately many children that give up yiddishkeit and a majority of them say it is because of an incident like this that made them give up totally Children ask for answers and to challenge why could the teacher not say something like I am not sure of the answer I will research it and let you know where it is said exactly. I think you should go and complain to the princepal about this and have the teacher reprimanded.

Lechatchila Ariber

Thu, May 03 2007, 9:30 pm

Quote:

what would you do if this happened to your kid? how would you react

I would certainly not let it go but would go and kick up a fuss.
I'd also report it to a person in authority.
thats downright disgusting to talk to a student that way, no matter what her status in life, or past history or siblings past history might be.

mumoo

Thu, May 03 2007, 10:39 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

Your daughter had a question. Either she was serious or she was trying to rebel. Whichever case it was the teacher, being the adult, should have acted like an responsible adult. This is the person who is suppose to be shaping young minds, not squashing questions and has'vashalom causing them injury.

I would complain to the principle.

farmom wrote:

You might tell your daughter that some people are not comfortable with questions, but it's fine, and even GOOD to ask them. So if she ever has questions that she feels don't get satisfactory answers, she should come to you with them. Of course, it's more work for you - cuz if you don't know the answer, you'd have to research it , or refer her to someone who does. But the benefit would be amazing.

good parents don't shy away from hard work where their children are concerned

chen

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:02 pm

bashinda wrote:

Why are they teachers if they can't handle people asking questions?

You asked a rhetorical question, but I can think of a few reasons:

1. summers off
2. tuition discount for their kids who attend school where they teach
3. teaching is one of the very few lines of work that are considered acceptable for women in their circles.

Whenever I meet a nonobservant person who tells me "I came from a very religious family, but one day in cheder/BY I asked the rebbe/morah ____________ and s/he said "get out of here you apikores/te" so I did and never looked back" I never know how to respond. I always feel like apologizing for their bad experience and explaining that they had the bad luck to get a poor specimen of a teacher, but from reading this thread it seems that poor specimens are the norm. Or is the attitude that these teachers are displaying in fact the attitude that these schools encourage?

↑ HindaRochel

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:03 pm

Quote:

Posted: Fri, May 04 2007, 4:39 am Post subject: re: why can't we ask

HindaRochel wrote:
Your daughter had a question. Either she was serious or she was trying to rebel. Whichever case it was the teacher, being the adult, should have acted like an responsible adult. This is the person who is suppose to be shaping young minds, not squashing questions and has'vashalom causing them injury.

I would complain to the principle.

If the teacher wasn't removed or continued to act in that abusive of a manner? Complain to the school board and either find another school or homeschool...

Quote:

100% so what do you do when the principal does nothing, or 'talks' to the teacher and nothing comes of it (a teacher capable of this likely has done it before and will do it again

here's a good answer to my question:
farmom wrote:
You might tell your daughter that some people are not comfortable with questions, but it's fine, and even GOOD to ask them. So if she ever has questions that she feels don't get satisfactory answers, she should come to you with them. Of course, it's more work for you - cuz if you don't know the answer, you'd have to research it , or refer her to someone who does. But the benefit would be amazing.

good parents don't shy away from hard work where their children are concerned

Absolutely...if the teacher simply didn't answer the question and stated "You should know that." Or "You're just being chuzpadik" well this would be the course I would take.

But to tell a child to jump out of the empire state building is just wrong.

Mevater

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:05 pm

Green, If I had been in that classroom and heard it personally, or I could prove it was said, I'd be tempted to urge the teacher to go first (out the window) and do everyone a favor! Exploding anger

Remarks like those by Hanhalah members are poisonous to the mind and hearts of our youth. IMO Hashem is not impressed with these remarks. That isn't warmth and Kiruv in any way, shape or form. If I'd know for sure she made a comment like that, I'd do my best to get this teacher to resign from teaching. Exclamation

↑ yoyosma

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:12 pm

Well, since I did experience that, I can tell you it really depends on the teacher and the school.
I know if I would have complained the principal would have stood behind the teacher because she held herself to be some sort of special Rebbetzin and no one would dare cross her.
In my head, someone who demands that students refer to her as "Hamorah" or speak to her in third person is a little full of herself. But the girls in my class who took it seriously wouldnt have reacted the same way.
I always had a problem with people who forced authority.

↑ southernbubby ↓

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:55 pm

I have been dealing with schools for many years and found that it is better to teach the child how to handle him or herself than to try to change the school. I have gone to bat for my kids and had them put into the classes that I wanted or with the teachers that I wanted but I could not change the schools or the teachers.
I have also seen people who left the derech and blamed the teachers and the schools but in the end, every person must answer to the One who created him no matter what test they encounter along the way. We had an elderly neighbor who left the derech as a youngster because of a potch from his rebbe. The potch does not make the Torah any less true and this neighbor acknowledged that. He was angry and used that as an excuse to go frie. If people want an easy life and want to go frie, it is easy to blame their teachers and schools.
Greenfire's dd's teacher made a very inappropriate remark but her dd can be taught how to handle it and understand that the teacher was wrong but still must be shown respect. A letter to the principal could clear up the matter.

Seraph

Thu, May 03 2007, 11:58 pm

I would gather a delegation of parents whos kids are in the school, bring them to the principal, and demand that this teacher resigns. She has no right to be teaching any yiddeshe neshomas. And if she really really wants to be a teacher, she should be made to take at least a year break, and in the meantime do some real cheshbon hanefesh in addition to taking a course on how to answer questions like that...

↑ southernbubby

Fri, May 04 2007, 12:06 am

Breslov, that might be ideal but it ain't happening. The teacher probably has loads of relatives connected to the school, she may not complain when her checks are late, and she may not have had a raise in years. Abusive teachers often do not get fired unless they answer questions such as "can a woman be Moshiach".

happy2beme

Fri, May 04 2007, 11:09 am

I just have to add something. It seems like the majority of people here also had teachers who refused to answer their questions & was rude (understatement) to them.

I just want to say thru all my yrs of school I never had such an occurence & the teacher always got back to me with an answer & was nice about it.

I just feel like I have to put some trust back into the system after hearing these awful stories.

green, that teacher is an absolute QUACK! Her answer was quite despicable!!!!