Hard to relate to older child

Meema2Kids

Mon, Jan 29 2007, 9:21 pm

For me, babies are easy - you act silly, you cuddle, you nurse, you attend to their physical needs.

Now my oldest is almost 6 and I'm having a hard time relating to her. It's like... I don't really know how to talk to her. She's not an adult obviously, but she needs more grown up conversation than my 2 1/2 year old or even my 4 yo. I do things like take her with me grocery shopping, but am at a loss as to what else. like when the other kids are napping she's not always interested in helping clean the kitchen or whatever, but what do we DO together?

Am I weird? embarrassed

Or is this normal? I want to have a good relationship with her but it doesn't seem to be coming naturally.

mom23

Tue, Jan 30 2007, 5:47 pm

I have a similar issue with my oldest also. There is so much information available on how to relate to your baby, and while information on how to raise older children is also available, you have to really look for it.

I think part of the problem for me is that it is all new unchartered territory. By my younger ones I've gone through it already and I know what works and what doesn't. My oldest is also super mature and my expectations might be a little high for her.

I try to spend quiet time with my oldest as often as possible, getting to know what is important to her. We do homework together every night and I use that opportunity to lavish praise for a job well done, and to try to teach the importance of doing your best and not worrying about the grade.

Some other quiet time activities that I do with her are reading to her, baking cookies, coloring or any kind of arts & crafts, puzzles, or giving her a fun age apprpriate workbook to do on her own. In our family I also have some educational computer games that she loves to play.

Just take the time to get to know your big girl. Ask her what she enjoyed about her day, who she played with at school, what project was fun etc. and that will start her talking. She is still young enough to need a lot of playtime, just in a more mature way.

You sound like a very involved loving mom, and I'm sure this is going to be a wonderful bonding experience for both of you!