I am livid! | Imamother

amother ↓

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 7:17 pm

I have an EXTREMELY bright son. So apparently, last year everyone was so busy being wowed by how bright he was, they forgot to teach him how to read! B"H he's just in first grade, but he's significantly behind the rest of the class in both English and Hebrew. Great.

And, of course, he is really difficult to handle behavioral-wise - defiant, argumentative, etc. and homework is always such a challenge. Now this. I'm going to have to work with him even more every day on top of his piles of homework. nice.

imasinger

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 7:22 pm

I'm sorry, OP.

Through the years of mothering bright and challenged children, I have learned that there are some moros and rebbes who think that you already know the bad news, so in order to make things smooth, they'll just tell you about the good stuff.

I don't know if that's what happened to your DS, but it could be. Chances are, they didn't "forget" to teach a child to read, but were imparting the same skills to all the children, some of whom absorbed them better than others.

If you don't have time or patience, is it an option to find a tutor, either for pay or as a chesed?

One piece of wisdom I read from an advice columnist years ago is that the best way to teach a child how to read (in his/her native language, anyway) is to read to them at bedtime every night, stop at an exciting part, say a firm good night ... and be sure they have access to a flashlight.

Hatzlacha!

lulabelle

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 8:12 pm

I know that's very difficult, and I agree with imasinger above.

My son was similar. Very far behind in reading through 2nd grade, although extremely talented in other ways, such as music. I don't know where you are located, but in my state, you have the right to request educational evaluations at your school district's expense (even if your child goes to private school). It couldn't hurt to have your son tested so that, if he requires any interventions due to his learning style, that can be started right away. The sooner the better. I was really worried that my son wouldn't ever be able to read, but BH, he got a reading program that has been working for him (Wilson) and he's doing very well. He is in 6th grade now and only about half a year behind his peers.

almost

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 9:53 pm

I disagree. Some children have learning disabilities. A child may be very bright but could be dyslexic. The teacher will not be able to teach that child to read as part of the class. That child will need special intervention. The parents need to take charge and make sure that the child gets whatever help he needs to be successful. Ultimately, it's the parents that care the most and stand to lose the most.

It IS frustrating if you believe that your child was not taught properly last year.

Sherri

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 10:05 pm

imasinger wrote:

One piece of wisdom I read from an advice columnist years ago is that the best way to teach a child how to read (in his/her native language, anyway) is to read to them at bedtime every night, stop at an exciting part, say a firm good night ... and be sure they have access to a flashlight.

sneakermom

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 10:47 pm

I have a daughter that is probably on the adhd spectrum. She is also very bright but sometimes struggles with nitty gritty skills such as reading because it requires a lot of focusing. I would expect her teachers though to report to me if they thought she wasn't keeping up.

My question to you is how did you not realize last year? Did they not have any homework?

In any case I find that when I do homework with my daughter who is in first grade this year the only way to get her to focus without her driving us both nuts is if I give her a chocolate chip for every line she reads. Suddenly she isn't dealing with the whole overwhelming page but just one line. Then she has no problem and reads well.

In general adhd kids learn really well one on one because you can demand the focus from them while in a crowd of learners they easily get lost in their own distractions.

mummy-bh

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 2:26 am

almost wrote:

This is a perfect description of my son.
When he was little, I thought he was the most intelligent kid ever. He asked (and still does) incredibly intelligent analytical questions, has a very strong sense of self and I could talk about basic chassidic concepts with him when he was very small. He spoke early and people were genuinely wowed with his understanding of how things worked. He has an amazing audial memory - he can hear a niggun once and a week later sing it accurately.

Fast forward a year or two. He couldn't pick up his letters, Hebrew or English. He was unable to retain more than a handful of letters at any one time. Of course I was totally puzzled as to how my genius was unable to learn how to read.
He finally picked up reading at the age of 9-10. He is not in a regular school now but is doing fantastically well BH in the special ed system.

OP , you know your son. If you really see that he is not achieving something you think he should be capable of, speak to the teachers and ask them why they think that is.

Hatzlocha and lots of yiddishe nachas.

DrMom

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 2:33 am

amother wrote:

Maybe they didn't "foget to teach him how to read". Maybe he was too difficult to teach because he is "defiant, argumentative, etc."

Have you spoken with the teacher about his situation? Can your son qualify for extra help (a sayat/helper in the classroom with him)?

shalhevet

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 3:40 am

amother wrote:

I don't really understand - what does forgot to teach him to read mean? Did no one update you the entire year last year? Did you not realize he couldn't do his homework (say he was supposed to read something to you). I'm a bit confused how it is only coming up now.

I would ask for a meeting with his teacher/ school counselor, and discuss together what should be done now, before it gets worse.

merelyme

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 3:55 am

OP, please take care of this now. Reading is one of the most basic building blocks of learning, and will remain so throughout his life. Forget the "piles of homework" for now and work on the reading!

Many very bright children have other issues. I wonder if he's "defiant and argumentative" because he realizes that he can't read, and is behind his peers even though he's so talented?

I would have him tested immediately for -
1. eyesight, including binocular testing and various others tests to make sure he focuses, his eyes work together, he doesn't skip letters as he reads, and other eye issues
2. dyslexia and other learning issues

And I would work with him daily. If he's not happy to do that, I would hire someone to work with him who will do it in a fun way and achieve results. And I would give him lots of love, praise and positive attention.

You should have lots of nachas!

hycup

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 7:50 am

Flame away if you will...

OP I have a big problem with your attitude. Yes, the school is responsible for you kid between approximately 8 AM to 3 PM (?). Where were you when he was doing his homework all through last year? Where were you at bed time? Where were you making sure that your kid was reading, behaving, etc. etc. etc. What is this?! Its not the schools responsibility ALONE to teach your kid. Hashem gave you the kid, for you to be mechanech him! Stop playing the blame game and take a good look in the mirror!

watergirl

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 8:48 am

Hold the phone. He is in 1st grade now. This is when he is SUPPOSED to be learning how to read! Kindergarden (or pre 1A like they call it in the ny yeshivos) is for PRE READING skills. Letter recognition, ect. Who said they forgot to teach him? He will learn now.

You just do your part, and dont "forget" to read to him every night before bed (dont have him read to you during this time. Let him snuggle up and follow along). Dont forget to sit with him while he does his homework. And dont forget to make it fun!

is it possible that since he is so bright, as you say, that you figured that he would pick it up on his own along the way? GIve his teachers a break. He is right on schedule.

Barbara

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 9:20 am

OP, hugs to you.

Its difficult to find out that your precious, bright, wonderful child is behind, and that there could be issues. Hold on. Things will be fine.

AIUI, reading is a developmental thing. It may just be that it hasn't clicked yet for him. Or it may be that he has a learning difference that needs to be addressed and remediated.

Please talk to his teachers and the administration. See what issues, if any, they see, and how you can address them together. Be sure to remind them that they need to work with you in raising issues as they arise. You should have been told when he first started struggling, then again and again as he fell behind.

A couple of other things. First, it is highly likely that what you describe as his being "difficult to handle behavioral-wise - defiant, argumentative, etc." and homework being "a challenge" is a result of the fact that he's struggling. You need to reassure him. Tell him that you know its hard, but you love him and he's smart and he will get it.

Second, maybe its possible to just send your kids to school and expect that they will come out educated for some kids, although I doubt it. Your kid is not one of them. While I understand and sympathize with how you feel, you have to buckle down and understand that this is a cooperative effort.

BTW, I recommend Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Its dull as dirt, but it works. Also try the Bob Books.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 10:18 am

This is exactly my situaton with my 2nd grade ds. He is extremely intelligent and analytical he is having a hard time with Hebrew and English. Reading is the foundation for all learning and it terrible that he is not good at it. Unfortunately, I did pick up on his lack of progress quickly enough and it has been terrible. Homework is a battle and his shakey self esteem has plumeted. He ha salways been a difficult child but I can't hndle him anymore. You got a lot of great suggestions.
1. Check his eyes. It's not just vision, but there may be other issues such as convergence and divergence problems. Maybe the eyes are not moving at exactly the same tim ewhich can make learning to read exteremely frustrating
2. Maybe see a developmental pediatrician. Maybe there are some other issues.
3. Maybe see a learning specalist.

Be in touch with his teachers to see what they are observing and before anything else read with him. Take turns reading and give incentives.

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Oct 26 2012, 10:55 am

OP here -

Here's a response and an update. I'll try and respond to all of you.

The deviance, etc. is not a result of struggling. He's been like this for years. He sees a therapist.

He also has Speech, and used to get OT and had a SEIT, but we moved and it's not offered here. I am trying to get him into a social skills group, but with the chagim, things kind of got put on hold.

Last year he was in Kindergarten, and he did not get any homework. He learned his letters, though writing is very difficult for him (OT).

Now, HYCUP - we read to him every day, sometimes, several times and dh works with dh with his Alef Beis.

As for checking his eyes, he has glasses and goes regularly to the eye doctor.

Update: I spoke to his English teacher later last night. She basically said that he's below average, and she considers him a beginner reader. Maybe the other kids were taught by their parents, but basically came in reading. She says we'll see how he's progressing and he's getting extra help in both Hebrew and English.

The "funniest" part in all of this? I'm a reading specialist. I was a hands off mom. I had friends who got flashcards and taught their kids to read at 2 and 3 and I was more "organic." Figured my kids would get it when they needed to. I didn't want to push. After all, I was reading books at three years old. But I guess my ds isn't like me. Ps. He also needs help in math.

But thanks to almost all of you for your support.