Divorcing a woman that cheated

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 10:46 am

Didn't know where to put this. But was asked this question today and I figured all you woman out there might know something about this subject.

Does a man have to divorce a woman that cheated on him? Is he not allowed to touch her once he finds out?

How about a man to a woman is it the same?

chocolate moose ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:06 am

al pi halacha, you mean?

shalhevet ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:11 am

He has to divorce her al pi halacha.
But I think there are halachic "get arounds" to this and a rav should be consulted (she should certainly not tell him if he doesn't know).

If he cheats on her, it's not adultery al pi halacha (because he can, according to the Torah, be married to more than one wife) though it's certainly not considered the way to behave. Mad

mimsy7420 ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:16 am

I think technically he has to divorce her, but there are technicalities involved like 2 witnesses etc, so there might be ways to get around it.

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:31 am

SaraG wrote:

al pi halacha, you mean?

Yes al pi halacha. Thanks, But I have a question why though? If she does 'teshuva'? Could he still be married to her?

↑ mimsy7420 ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:34 am

It has to do with the fact that once a woman has been with another man, she becomes assur to her husband.
It's like Esther living with Achashverosh, while he was forcing her, she would still be permissable to Mordechai, had she ever gone back to him. But once she went to Achashverosh willingly (to speak to him about haman) she made a huge sacrifice on behalf on bnai yisroel, because from that day on she was forbidden to Mordechai.

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:41 am

I forgot about esther and mordichai.

Wow what woman would want to cheat on her husband for that sacrifice.

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:42 am

What makes it allowed if she doesn't tell him and he never finds out, that she can still be together with her husband? If al pi halacha he has to divorce then it must be something really bad that she should be telling him that she cheated.

↑ shalhevet ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:48 am

He has an obligation to divorce her if she was with someone else (she is also never allowed to marry the second guy, even if she gets divorced.) If he doesn't know he doesn't have such an obligation.

I don't think teshuva will help as far as the divorcing.

Is this a real case you know, or are you just asking out of interest?

If it's a real case, she better RUN to a rav - yesterday if possible .....

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:55 am

Yeah, but doesn't she have the obligation on her part if her husband doesn't know?

This is a real story, the husband found out and left her on the same day. Now she has the divorce and he is happily married again.

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:28 pm

One thing that I forgot a person that cheats on her husband they get chayav misah right? And if they do then why didn't esther get death if she slept with achashverosh while she was married to mordichai?

mali ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:41 pm

Esther didn't choose to do it. She was an אנוס. It was like a rape.

↑ supermom ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:45 pm

But at one point she went willingly.

↑ mimsy7420 ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:46 pm

It was rape until she went to achashverosh on her own accord.

↑ mali ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:50 pm

supermom wrote:

Now she has the divorce and he is happily married again.

This is from Devarim, Chapter 24, with Rashi:

Quote:

1. When a man takes a wife and is intimate with her, and it happens that she does not find favor in his eyes because he discovers in her an unseemly [moral] matter, and he writes for her a bill of divorce and places it into her hand, and sends her away from his house,
[When a man takes a wife… that she does not find favor in his eyes] because he discovers in her an unseemly [moral] matter [In this case] he has an obligation to divorce her, lest she find favor in his eyes [and he might consequently wish to keep her, which he must not do, since she had committed an act of impropriety]. — [Gittin 90b]

2. and she leaves his house and goes and marries another man,
[and goes and marries] another man who differs from her first husband, for that one sent the evil woman out of his home, whereas this [man] has taken her in[to his home]. — [Gittin 90b]

3. if the latter husband hates her and writes her a bill of divorce, and places it into her hand and sends her away from his house, or if the latter husband who took her as a wife, dies
if the latter husband hates her Scripture informs him that eventually he will [come to] despise her, and if not, she will bury him, for it says, “or if the latter husband… dies.” - [Sifrei 24:135]

I didn't make this up.

Last edited by mali on Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ shalhevet ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:51 pm

Quote:

Esther didn't choose to do it. She was an אנוס. It was like a rape.

No, but the last time she went of her own free will. That's why she said
וכאשר אבדתי אבדתי
twice, once because she'd lose her husband in this world and once because she'd lose her World to Come. But she was prepared to do it to save Am Yisrael.

(She was a prophetess and this is certainly not to be learnt halacha lima'ase [how to behave] - we don't say usually that the end justifies the means)

Last edited by shalhevet on Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ mali ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:52 pm

supermom wrote:

But at one point she went willingly.

which was why she said "וכאשר אבדתי אבדתי". She did it for the sake of Klal Yisroel - true מסירות נפש. She followed Mordechai's orders.

↑ mali ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:52 pm

mummyof6 - jinks!

faigie ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 1:59 pm

does anyone know where we can see a pic of esthers tomb inside and outside? id love to see it. but I aint going to iran anytime soon.........

happy2beme ↓

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 2:16 pm

Quote:

does anyone know where we can see a pic of esthers tomb inside and outside? id love to see it. but I aint going to iran anytime soon.........

I didn't even know ppl knew the location. that's so interesting! I'd love to c it!! do ppl know where mordechai is buried too?

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